Daryl's Lullaby ~ Daryl Dixon x Reader ~ On Temporary Hold

Ch.34 ~ How I Survived

A/n: Okay, quickly I'd like to apologise for the long wait. This chapter took a very long time to write and then I wrote too much and had to cut it down a bit cause I refuse to split it into two chapters. Even so it is still longer than the average chapters I write.

Secondly I'd like to thank all my readers on here for all your love, support and patience when waiting for updates. I was especially shocked to see my book appear on my tiktok for you page last night showing a fan excited to receive an update. So shout out to you (you know who you is).

Also if anything confuses you in this chapter let me know cause ngl I got confused writing it. I had to back log so much.

Okay I won't bother you no more, Enjoy lovelies

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Y/n's POV

Wailing. Loud, heart broken wails reached my ears as I stood frozen and empty staring down at the innocent life my blood soaked hands had just taken. I wasn't a stranger to death or murder since it was justified by my job description. But this, what I done here today was murder. Pure cold blooded murder. And to top it off, I had committed this heinous act in front of the mother.

I was disgusted with myself, my mind clawing away at itself throwing constant insults at itself. So much for flipping the switch, hell, I don't even think if I had done that it would make anything better.

Daring to lift my gaze up from the corpse of the young girl, I looked around at all the bodies which decorated the floor. As I glanced between each and every dead limp body a lightbulb went off inside my head. All these months I thought I was carrying out orders. I was murdering innocent people, sick innocent people and justifying it as a part of the job, a job which no longer exists and yet I still clung to...but why? Why was I clinging onto my old life? Why was I fighting so hard to survive? How could I face my brother if he ever found me? He'd probably disown me and I'd be left alone all over again.

I was so caught up in my thoughts of self pity, doubt and disgust that I hadn't realised the group had since broken out from their deadly silent gazes, processed what had just happened and were now trying to save Hershel's little girl. Beth had gone to hug her mother's supposedly dead walker corpse, only it was still alive, grabbing the girl and trying to eat her.

When my eyes processed this I tried, I tried, oh so hard to shift my feet and help. But my dead empty shell of a body that couldn't display any other emotion other than frozen fear and guilt refused to move.

It was like my mind was working but my body had shut down... No, that's exactly what was happening. I tried so hard to fight my fear as my inner self battled desperately to help the screaming girl but my body just stood there and watched with dull eyes. Dull eyes which didn't reflect the same worrying ones as my subconscious did.

Thankfully Rick grabbed the pickaxe used to break the lock on the barn and launched it through the walker's head. Distraught by the recent events which were never supposed to happen, the Greene family grabbed Beth and took off to the house.

My Apathetic eyes watched them walk off and noticed Carol was missing as well. Still my body gave no reaction. Even when they saw Shane run after the family and my ears heard his voice passing blame onto the family for hiding the truth about Sophia.

Regardless of if they had hidden the truth, one fact still remained seen by everyone and that was my putting a bullet through her head. I killed her and no one could deny that fact. My dull eyes drifted back down to the girl's corpse.

The sunlight which had now graced it clearly highlighted not only the giant bite mark on her neck or the black veins which decorated her now pale white skin nor did it only highlight her dirty skin and tattered dirty clothes. Now it highlights in a thick golden hue the giant bullet hole in her forehead that I had put there.