The Touch of Salvation

10: Deeds Done

ADALIND 

Nyx lounges on his hair, his dark unruly hair falling into his eyes. He's an attractive man, as attractive as the night itself, and he knows it. He's the star of this world, and the moon, and at one point in time, people thought that my sun power and his moon power worked hand-in-hand. 

His silver eyes meet mine and hold my gaze before shifting to Kallum who continues to speak. When the Regent of House Lybra finishes, Nyx sighs and leans forward. 

"Anything else we need to discuss?"

"A few things," Nyx says. "The first, whoever felt it necessary to destroy the lowest level of my palace, I am going to fuck your mother."

A few of us chuckle at the very real threat. I don't react, and neither does Goliath, and I realize almost completely stunned that my mate and my Bloodrider destroyed a part of a Regent's palace. Asinine. 

Hopefully, Nyx doesn't know it was us. As he drags his eyes to me, I know he knows that it was my people. When he breaks the gaze, I feel heat on my left, catching Goliath's warm eyes on me as well. 

I twitch in my seat from the intensity of his stare. God, how I wish he looked at me with anything other than hate. In my office, I thought I had seen a glimmer of it; a glimmer of what I saw within Ophir's eyes frequently. 

I never wanted to illicit such a response from anyone in centuries, but with him...

"I found this in the palace room." 

The sound of metal slamming onto the table catches me off guard. If I wasn't so startled by what I see, I would have seen Nyx lounge back in his seat after throwing it. 

My heart falls into my stomach. My vision blurs. My hands go to my lap. I can't breathe suddenly. I can't lose it, not here, not with all this power surrounding me. My people needed a strong Regent, a strong queen. I needed to be that. I needed to be that. But I can't breathe. 

In the middle of the table is a silver collar attached to a chain.  

That was my collar. He had forced me to wear it almost every day for five hundred years. I remember how he would pull at it to force me to my knees, painfully, when I wasn't fed. When I was weak. When I couldn't heal myself, not even at a human rate. 

I know Lux, Daario, and Lucian notice my discomfort, but they remain stoic. I couldn't break. I couldn't break. 

Oh Gods, I was going to be sick. Someone is saying something, but I can't hear it. The world around me is closing in on me. I can feel my heartbeat in my ears. 

He's going to find me again. Ophir is going to find me and he's going to lock me up. He's going to beat me again. He's going to starve me. He's going to make me please him. 

Someone is saying something. I can't tell what, though. I need to get out of here. A hand slides over mine in my lap. My eyes snap away from the object and to Lux. Everyone begins to focus again, and I realize that thankfully, no one noticed my internal panic. No one is startled by my silence. Her hand tightens around mine. She knows the terror I feel. 

And I feel terrible because no one, especially my friends, should ever feel what I feel.

Lucian and Daario appear ignorant of what is happening, but I know better. They're good people. They're good people, I remember. They needed a good queen. A strong queen. I bite back the bile in my throat. 

I wasn't strong. I was nothing. I was pathetic. 

The conversations drone on, all the while that fucking collar remains on the table. 

When the meeting ends, I can't get away fast enough. I walk out onto the balcony of House Libra, and into the impressive rains that never end. 

"Slow," Lucian says gently. He's not mad at me. He's instructing me. "They're still watching."

Regents were always watching me. Men were always the bane of my existence. 

"Keep walking. We need to get to the guest chambers," Daario says from beside me. 

I can't. My stomach wobbles. I'm going to be sick. 

They must see the way my steps hesitate because Daario says something outrageously loud and wraps an arm around Goliath and Demise who I suddenly realize were following us. As I hunch over the wall of the terrace, Daario blocks the line of sight for the Regents. 

My breakfast and lunch escape me. My stomach heaves painfully. A hand caresses my back and Lux holds a flask to me with water. 

"Drink," she orders softly. 

I can't. I can't keep anything down. 

Looking down at my dress, I grimace at the drying vomit. I straighten and wipe my mouth. I can't believe I just vomited in front of my mate and in front of the King of Wolves. Hands grasp my shoulder and lead me away. Daario, Lucian, and Lux say nothing as we myst back to my palace. 

They don't ask why I threw up or what the collar was. I don't ask what was said when I couldn't focus. I don't fight Lux as she undresses me and puts me into the steaming bath. With my knees pulled to my chest and my hair wet against my skin, I rest my head on my knees. I'm shivering. The water has grown so cold. 

The shadow in the corner flourishes momentarily and I wince from the darkness, a reminder of the darkness that lived in House Nyght. Goliath stands within my line of vision. I can't bring myself to fight him, to scream at him to go. He doesn't say anything as he regards me. He's dangerously silent, hands stuffed into his pockets. 

I'm tired. I'm so tired. 

He steps forward and I can't help but recoil just slightly. He stops, his adam's apple bobbing. He starts to move again, coming to the side of the bath. To my surprise, he rolls up his sleeves, picks up the cotton rag from the side table, and gently wets it. 

He grimaces at the temperature of the water. He pulls away, leaving the rag, and taking the shadows with him. I can't bring myself to feel anything other than apathy as he returns with hotter water. He warms my bath.

Then, he takes that rag and washes down my arm. 

"Some scars can't be seen," he says, his voice as gentle a moonbeam. "But that does not mean they are any less real. Scars give us the power to endure." As he places the rag back in the water, he lifts his hands and displays the burn marks that mark his palms and forearms. "Did you kill that boy?"

I'm too tired to respond. I turn away, laying my head on the side of the bath. As the soft whoosh of shadow hits my ears, I know he has gone, once again reminded of the horrific deeds I have done.