one shots

Sitting on the edge (your OTP)

Sitting on the edge wasn't easy. Thinking about life wasn't easy.  Life itself wasn't easy.

What is life anyways? A bunch of moments gathered up somehow in somebody's measure system. Seconds, minutes, hours..all of this was a lie. Time is a lie. It is only real if you want it to be. Otherwise you're standing there while the other's imagination of time passes before your eyes. And still, it passes. With every imaginable second you're getting closer to death, closer to the inevitable end of your moments. Many people choose to shorten their moments, and many wish to longer them. Me? I wanted to shorten them, I wanted to get to that end as fast as possible. Why? Because I believe my moments have passed. I watched them speed past me. Sometimes they slowed down but that was only if something caught my eye. It was rare but it still happened. The only moments I wanted to longer were the ones when time slowed down letting me watch everything in detail. It happened when I first saw him, when we kissed for the first time, when we made love. I can recall every memory of him in so much detail. How his eyes shined every time he would catch me staring, how his lips felt against mine, how his body tasted under my tongue, how he claimed that I was not a human but rather a mysterious creature sent from heaven. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't believe him. I was a demon, I was too broken to be fixed, too damaged from the acts of my own father to be saved. There was something wrong with my brain ever since the accident. Ever since then my life passed around me like a movie, like I was seeing everything in someone else's point of view. But my brain refused to the same when I looked at him. He was with me and it was like I was myself again, like I had control over my body, over my mind, over all my senses. I could see in detail, I could hear everything, I could smell the amazing scent radiating from his skin. I've always felt like everything was underwater, I was drowning in my own insaneness but when we were together it was like nothing was wrong with me. And from the day I met him I promised myself that I would never let him go because now that I know what's it like to be normal I've gotten addicted to it, and so I became addicted to him. And later on he promised to never let me go.

But now I was breaking my own promise. I was letting myself go but it's been so long that we've been in love it's like we've became the same person. In reality we were nothing special. Two guys madly in love with each other, always craving each others company and attention. But I liked to believe that our love was on a deeper level, more psychological than physical. To me he was like a drug, my way out of the mental disaster that is my mind, my safe place, my own elevator to heaven. Back to the point – I was literally slipping off the edge. My feet were dangling above a 30 meter drop.

I was just about to end it all, push myself off and end my moments when a hand wrapped around my torso and pulled me back. I knew who it was because the moment they touched me all my senses awakened. I could see better, hear better and feel better.

"I won't ask why. But tell me, why now?" he whispered in my ear , settling down on the ground behind me and pulling me in his lap.

"My moments are over" I said simply

"Your moments are not over love. Not yet. I want to longer your time here, so please, if you're going to end it all do it after all has been done for me too."

"I can't bare to lose you" I lowered my head in shame. Did I even realize how much I would hurt him if I ended it all? I'm so fucking selfish.

"Then don't" and with that the turned me around pulling me in for a kiss. I concentrated on his lips, leaving the rest of the world blur around us.

Maybe he was right, maybe my moments weren't over after all.

I want to say something about suicide. Maybe it'll be kind of rant-ish so you're free to skip it.

I know what it's like to want to die. I've literally sitten on the edge a few times and I had to talk myself out of it because there was noone else to help me. So if you consider suicide I want you to know that I'm here for you. Message me on here, on my tumblr or in facebook. I'll answer, I promise. And remember: you are beautiful and important. You've made mistakes and that's okay. Regardless of your size, height, flaws you are unique. Stay strong killjoy/ directioner/ danosaur/ phillion and have the courage to exist.