LUST, PRIDE AND OTHER FEELINGS

Onboard the Cruise Ship. Chapter 15

My blotchy face recovered by Tuesday, it was time to go back to work. In honour of the funeral for my heart, I don in all black today.

Frank was assigned to drop off the luggage packed with Nate's items in the charity box.

I was greeted by the sight of bleeding markets and a 300 point drop in the morning. It was murder on the dancefloor at the markets today. A correction from the previous rally.

"I'll never cheat on you again, nor will I ever follow my emotions anymore", mumbling to myself referring to the markets.

If it's any consolation, at least the stock market doesn't hide things from me. What you see, is what you get. He was in a bad mood today, throwing his temper with murderous price slashing.

I might be being dramatic, yet it was better than being depressed.

Thankfully this opportunity presents future discounts on solid counters. I concentrated on work today and nothing else.

By the time market closed, I was looking forward to sparring in Muay Thai. I want to kick, and I want to fight. I was paired with a girl my size that day.

We made a pact not to hit each other's faces but we were welcome to bruise everywhere else and promised not to hold back. Sparring is a great way to release pent up anxiety and frustrations.

Since my sex life is back to nil, I foresee myself spending more time in the MMA gym.

I was tired when I arrived home that night, exhausted till the point that the bed no longer felt large and empty anymore. It was a good sign, the first baby step to forgetting. I mustered the courage to delete all our messages, rereading it one last time before hitting the delete button. Once it was erased, I feel a sense of accomplishment. Words, I realised, can be so carelessly spoken.

The short week passed in a breeze, I started painting during my idle time after work. After 5 hours, my mindless brush strokes revealed a painting of a forlorn heart on a rose stem underneath the lavender moonlit skies shining through leafless branches.

It looked a little doleful, yet I liked it enough to hang it in my living room. If I died alone with a hundred cats one day, perhaps my remains would be found amongst my then extensive art collections and my story would be told.

When Friday arrived, my emotional thermostat was no longer out of whack. Infact, it probably read zero. I was hollow, void of any feelings. There were no anger, sadness or denial. Perhaps I've made it to the last stage of ending a relationship. I am now at acceptance. The days passed by like a sigh, though I've ended my habit of glancing at the phone and counting the hours since we last spoken. It was probably only a couple of days yet it felt like weeks. The memories of our short but intense moments spent together felt hazy and distant.

The event on the cruise ship is held today. Since Thomas and John are attending, we decided to leave together. The ship leaves in the evening and the timing was perfect. Trading hours has ended hence we could leave with a peace of mind.

Once Sarah arrives, Frank takes us to the port. We adjourn to our respective suites, Sarah and mine side by side, opposite the boys.

The main reason why Sarah and I never share a suite is due to my air-conditioning temperatures. She'll be freezing under my rules and I'll be sweating profusely if I were to accommodate her.

We decided it was best we slept in separate rooms whenever we go on holidays. I'm reminded of how Nate grumbles about it all the time, yet he would curl up under the comforter and hug me for warmth as if his life depended on it.

Pushing the nagging memory out of my mind, I slide open the glass door leading to a private veranda. The suite was decent. It was spacious enough with a living and dining area separate from the bedroom with crystal chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. There is a walk in wardrobe, and the toilet had a built in whirlpool jacuzzi overlooking the ocean.