lost in his eyes

Chapter one

It was a hard test. I can't even think about anything right now. I try to study hard, like real hard. I don't get why I don't seem to get good grades, though. I mean, my grades are not that bad. But for my parents, it's a hell of a disappointment.
It is the first test of the year and here I am.

I am standing right in front of my test-class room watching down to the ground from the 2nd floor. I wanna jump off. I don't seem to get the meaning of my life. Where am I going? Where is my life going with this? as if I knew. this is really ridiculous. I don't want to live like this. This is torture. This is hell. I wonder what hell would look like at this time. what would it look like? I don't know, but I think hell, I don't think it's a place we go to when we die, more like I think it's a feeling we feel at a times like this. I've lived a lot or at least that's what it feels like, and yet I don't know what to feel and what to think in my mind.

I hate today. Or I hate the previous fifty  minutes of my entire life. I have friends, a lot of friends. And I love them. I really do. It's not them, it's me. I don't know what it is that is wrong with me, but I know it's me whose in the wrong here.
       It's hard not to think about it.
       I just can't not think about it.

people  say "Wow your life is so perfect."
Only if they knew about how ridiculous it was. Or still is. What is wrong with me? I don't get it. They don't get it.  No one does.
    I climb on the stairwell of the porch in front of my test-class room.

" What are you doing, Sofia?"

I snap out of the thought when I hear that voice go into my ears. I feel the chill going through my whole body. It's like I'm  being electrocuted.

I almost fell off. I let go of the stairwell as fast as I could and then I turn around to see that who is standing behind me.
It is Aaron.

Wow. I don't even remember whose voice it was. It was like I was in a  -deep ocean. I can feel the voice but it's not clear to me. And I just couldn't recognize it. It's like a movie. A fantasy. Only it is not.
"W -what?" I asked him.
"What are you doing?" he repeats confused.
"N -nothing. I was just watching our school from here, you know. It's a really great place." I lie.
" Oh, yeah."

I sigh in relief.

He doesn't notice anything. I didn't have the energy for his  reaction if he had noticed, though. He would have asked about what have happened to me and all that shit. so it's the one thing I didn't want to happen to me at this relentless day.
Aaron kissed me on the cheeks. I force a smile for him. He looks happy. I don't want to ruin his day by bringing all my shit up. I like to see him like this.
       

                                                *****

We're down at the cafeteria drinking coffee and getting ready for the next test. I am getting tired of this. The studying. Preparing myself for a test I am going fail.

  This always happens. I study hard, I expect to much and I get disappointed in myself. I can't take it anymore. It's really tiering.
As I turn around. I see Steve. Waving at me. I smile as I see him. I run straight to him and give him a hug.
"Sofi." he smiles hugging me.

I hear the bell ring. so that means we have to go to our test taking class to take our next test. Unfortunately, me and Aaron, we're not at the same test taking class. so we have to part, but not with Steve. we go to the toilet because Steve have to pee. he pees a lot. As I'm waiting for him outside.

I hear the door of the toilet open .
"steve come on lets go " I mutter.
"Calm dawn, sof I'm coming. Jesus"he said looking at me down .steve always make fun of my height. He is just a foot taller than me. He is still taller so yeah .
"Steve--"i was whining like a baby .
"I'm definitely gonna fail "
"shh. stop it, sof. I know you got this ,plus you know you're good at math."

yeah. I mean maths ain't that hard. It's actually fun. Math is  cool. I look up to him and I realize how much i love him. He is personal Cheerleader. You know, most of the time we  realize how much people mean to us after we lose them or when we can't have them or  something like that. But I do know how much he means to me.

I give  him tightly from the back. He pulls me to his side and put his hands on my shoulder
"you short little thing l." I smile and turned my head to the 3rd floor. Aaron was watching.  I act as if I didn't see him up there watching us. I just kept walking to my test.

                                 ****

The test wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. I was stressed out. I hope I did good.

I took off my class. I'm headed to my friends. When I look at the stairs, I see Aaron. He is coming down the stairs. He doesn't look fine. He looks angry. I don't know why but I can see that something is up with him. This isn't good.

  Oh, I almost forgot there is one thing I haven't told you. Aaron is my boyfriend.