Sonorous Thuds Of Thy Heart

Prologue

Prologue

The icy wind came rushing towards my direction and embraced my then shivering body. It reminds me that it's already September. But this September is the month I will never wish to witness again. Because it reminds me of my family's greatest downfall.

Papa went home today with a bad news to our whole family. Our company, the result of my parent's hardwork, is not ours anymore. Dahil sa malaking utang ni Papa na hindi na kaya pang bayaran.

"Paano na ang pag-aaral ni Veronica sa college? She's only got one year ahead. And Nathan's going to college next year."

I overheard Mama's concern bago ako lumabas. I feel so lost and confused.

"Baka ibenta ko itong bahay at lupa. Baka pati 'yong nasa Makati. We'll just ask for Dad's help. Sa probinsiya muna tayo kapag nagkaganon."

Mas nanlamig ako sa balitang 'yon. I understand that money is our greatest problem. But it's hard to let go of the life that I was used to. Paano na ang mga kaibigan ko? Ano na lang ang sasabihin nila sa akin? Na hindi ko na kayang gumala kasama nila at mamili ng mga mamahaling gamit kasi wala na kaming pera.

That brings a huge shame to me.

Pero imposible ring hindi nila mabalitaan kahit hindi ko pa sabihin.

As I was sitting at the swing on our backyard, I prayed hard in that cold night. Na sana maibalik ang yaman namin. Because the shame ahead of us is not easy to defeat.

Nanalangin ako sa lahat ng santo. I was so desperate that moment. Paano ako papasok bukas? Sigurado akong pagtatawanan ako ng lahat.

Ng makalipas ang isang oras, pinili kong pumasok na lang sa loob ng bahay. Dahil alam ko naman, kahit hanggang umaga akong manalangin dito para iwasan ang kahihiyan, He will never spare me this time. Napakaimposible non.

"Ver..."

I heard Mama's voice as I was on my way to ascend to my room. Tumigil ako sa paghakbang para lingunin siya.

Her eyes was surely weary. She's in her night gown already, unlike kanina, nakapang-trabaho siya. Naisip ko tuloy na mahaba-habang oras ang ginugol ko sa labas.

"Hindi ka pa kumakain. You need to eat dinner," she pointed.

Hindi ko tuloy alam kung ano ang mararamdaman ko. Because I know that the food that was served is from the money they earned at the company. Bakas bukas makalawa, wala na 'yan.

I feel so guilty. Kaya bakit ako kakain?

"No, Ma. Hindi po ako gutom. Tsaka marami po akong gagawin. I need to review para sa isang exam bukas. Kailangan ko rin pong gawin 'yong proposal ko para sa thesis ko next year," iniwasan kong mabasag ang boses ko doon.

Kasi sinong makapagsasabi kung tutuloy ba ako sa pag-aaral next year? I don't even know kung matatapos ko ang taong ito.

I saw Mama's eyes switched to bloodshot one. Dahil ayaw kong makita siyang umiyak, I chose to ascend and never looked back. Kasi baka mag-breakdown din ako.

At that moment, I realized that money rules the world. Sobrang lungkot ang awra sa buong bahay. I don't remember this kind of aura lingering in our house. Ngayon lang. The happiness has subsided.

And money, on it's own, reaches your dreams in life. So I am a bit anxious. Kasi baka hindi ko na makamit 'yong mga pangarap ko just because of lack of money.

And one more thing, money chooses the people around you. Hindi ko alam kung gugustuhin pa ba ako ng mga kaibigan ko bukas at sa mga susunod pa.

Ang hirap pala. Ang lungkot lungkot. If it's a normal day, sabay sabay pa kaming nag-dinner at nagkuwentuhan tungkol sa mga araw namin.