loving someone / matty healy

inside your mind

smut warning ahead (i tried lol)

Matty had more or less spent the weekend at my house, trying to make it up to me by showing me that it was only my company he wanted to be in. I'd already stopped being annoyed at him the moment he kissed me at the party, but that didn't stop me from revelling in the way he remained cuddled into my side for the better part of 48 hours. I didn't want him to feel bad, I'd told him it was just one of those things.

It was only when the clock read 01:02 am in the early hours of the morning and the movie we were watching had come to an end that I noticed Matty hadn't spoken for a while. At first I thought he was asleep, but the sound of any snoring was absent, and his thumb was still rubbing circles in the same spot of my hipbone.
"It's not like you to be quiet," I whispered into his ear. "What's going on?"

After seventeen years of learning everything there is to know about a person - one of those things being that they are never quiet - their moments of quiet don't evade you. He was entitled to his solitary moments, of course, but he just more often than not chose not to exercise them. And so, I couldn't help but find it odd that he was right now.

"You're going to think I'm being stupid."
"Well, that's nothing new, is it?" I smiled with a sense of accomplishment when he giggled into my shoulder.
"No, like, really stupid."
"When's that ever stopped you from speaking your mind befo-"

"Do you like George?" I started laughing, but soon stopped when there was no hint of humour on his face. He was serious, and if I wasn't so accustomed to how his mind works, I probably would've been offended. Not because it was George, but because Matty was clearly questioning my feelings for him. Feelings which I believed to be obvious.

"Of course I like George." I didn't want to play along.  I could've said, 'You're right, that is really stupid.' But, I didn't want to ridicule him. He can't help the thoughts and anxieties that arise in his mind.
"Evie, you know what I mean."
"Yeah, Matty, I do know what you mean. I just don't know why you'd ask."

My fingers absentmindedly toyed with the curls growing at the back of his head, and to any onlooker, this surely wouldn't look like a couple having a conversation about liking your boyfriend's best friend.

"I just want to know." He sighed, as though he were carrying the weight of the world. It only reminded me of how much I meant to him, that I felt like his world. But it wasn't a compliment to be the weight of it, to sometimes be a detriment to him.

I turned on my side, him in turn moving onto his, facing each other.
"I love George, in the same way that I love Ross and Hann, and now Zahra. Matty, we're best friends. George is George, you know that. I love him in the way that you love him."
He breathed out, heavily. His eyebrows, so characterful and animated, relaxed. "I know."

His forehead fell into mine, and I used the opportunity to kiss his softly.
"Can I ask why you asked about George specifically?" There was amusement in my voice, it just seemed so unlikely.
"Oh God, don't make me." He groaned, clearly embarrassed now.
"Oh, come on. It'll give me something to laugh at, other than you."

He sighed again, he'd been doing a lot of that in the past ten minutes. "It was just something about the way you kissed him at the party."
"Oh, you want to talk about kissing people at parties, do you?" I was merely teasing him, but also becoming annoyed at a possible double-standard.

His head turned to the side, his expression deadpan. "I feel terrible about that, you know I-"
I pressed my lips to his, laughing slightly. "I know you do."
"Let me show you." His lips pressed deeper into mine as his fingers trailed up my waist.

And suddenly I was nervous, which I never thought I would be if I was with him. It didn't stop me from enjoying the kisses he was leaving on my neck, however.
"Matty, I'm nervous."
"Me, too." His voice was shaky as he breathed out and I was glad that it wasn't one-sided.