loving someone / matty healy

𝙩𝙖𝙡𝙠!

My voice was tense and hesitant, and his reaction was the same. There was silence, but it wasn't uneventful. His bottom lip quivered, pulse quickening underneath the fingers I had holding his wrist.
"N-no one ever asks that, they always just assume I'm doing this to myself." His eyes were looking anywhere other than at me. But if only he would look at me, he'd see that I wasn't judging him.

"Are you? Are you doing this to yourself, getting into fights?"
He sighed. "Since when did we start talking about deep shit, Montgomery?"
"When did we stop?" I looked at him then, gauging his reaction, but what I had really wanted to ask was why did we stop? Did he notice our drifting apart as well? Even worse, did he intend for it to happen?

"Touché"
"Smart words"
"Low expectations of me?"
"Always, Healy" he chuckled.

He clenched and unclenched his fist. "Sore as fuck, but it still works."
"You haven't answered my question" I pressed, knowing him well enough to realise the game of evasion he was currently trying to win. But, if he really didn't want to tell me, I wouldn't force him to.

"All I'll say is, you'll know when you see him."
"Sounds promising."

He hopped off the counter, wobbling slightly. "Probably should have offered you a glass of water." I felt stupid for not waking him up with the one thing characters in those cheesy romance books always seem to have. Not that there's anything romantic going on here, or ever. Absolutely not.

"Kitchen, come on." It was kind of weird - a strange feeling - having him back in my house in circumstances other than dinner with both of our families that we're forced to attend. When we first started drifting apart, all I could think about was if I'd ever get my best friend back, but now, as the same boy I used to fall off my bike with stands across from me at the kitchen island, bruised and beaten, he's not the same boy.

Our mothers met in the maternity ward at our local hospital, having gone into labour on the same day - April 8th. Our dads were running late, and, although they won't admit it, I think they instantly bonded over their disliking of men in that moment. I was born an hour after Matty, and that hour was the longest we'd ever really been apart during our childhood, up until now. Our mums became best friends instantly, like us, but they haven't drifted apart. Our dads hit it off too, having coincidentally shared a cab to the hospital. It almost sounds made up.

I honestly thought we'd be friends forever. Never once did I think that whilst we were building forts, or he was showing me how to play his guitar, or when he was 'practising his handwriting' by making poems for me, that there would come a time in our lives when spending time together would be nothing but a memory.

He sipped awkwardly from the glass, the first feeling of discomfort settling in since he first appeared in my room early this morning.
"Your mum's doing okay though, yeah?" I tried to make the only small talk I could think of.
"Yeah, she's doing good, yours?"
"Mhm, mum and dad are good. I'll get you that pill now." He just nodded.

He had swallowed it within seconds of me passing it to him, and when he put the glass down and quickly looked around the room, eyes settling on the door, I knew he was desperate to leave.
"Somewhere you need to be?" I questioned, already knowing the answer. The fingers of the hand that wasn't messed up were drumming on the marble counter, and I felt a pang of sadness at the thought that he didn't feel comfortable with me anymore.

"Yeah, something like that." He gave a small smile - not one that was trying too hard to be real, but one to not make me feel bad.
"I'll show you out." He followed me to the front door, and as I opened it wide, and he stepped out, I couldn't help but feel like this was the goodbye between us that we hadn't yet officially shared.

Just before leaving, he turned to me, the bruise around his eye somehow even darker now.
"Thank you - for helping me out. And, I'm sorry, for everything. Please, don't be mad at me when you find out."

And then he hurriedly left.