loving someone / matty healy

𝙨𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙡𝙚 𝙙𝙤𝙬𝙣

I took my skateboard out for a ride later that night, checking the weather app on my phone beforehand to see what time time the sun sets. There's something calming about the setting of the sun - maybe because along with the palette of oranges and yellows, and the splash of pink that makes me think of a Harry Styles song, comes the certainty of nighttime, and those quiet hours filled with no expectations, no consequences, no responsibilities. The doctors can say it's unhealthy, but there's something often revitalising in being awake while the rest of the world is sleeping.

As much as I - and I cannot stress this enough - fucking hate school, the car park happens to make for decent skate practice. Quite possibly it's only redeeming quality. I've never crossed paths with anyone else from school whilst here. Well, other than Matty.

When he told me he wanted us to learn to skate together, I told him to bugger off. But then I started listening to good music and spending way too much of my time on Pinterest and I realised it might actually be pretty cool. That was until I broke my elbow whilst trying not to land on my arse. I can still recall the look in his warm, dark eyes - fearful and concerned - as he practically begged me to let him carry me home. We were only nine years old, and I wasn't exactly lightweight, but he tried his best. The whole way home, he wouldn't stop asking me if I was okay. It had grown annoying at the time, but now? I think I'd do anything to hear some kind of sincerity from him again.

I pondered texting Armaan to come and meet me, we hadn't seen each other in a few days, but he was probably busy. My fingers instinctively moved up to Matty's name in my contacts, a fittingly name 'Dickhead <3', a number that used to be in my speed dial, but is now one I may as well just delete. I wondered in that moment if he still has my number in his phone. I miss his calls.

My phone buzzed, a text message highlighting the top of the screen, and interrupting the Blink-182 song that was currently playing through my earphones. I couldn't help the small feeling of guilt that settled within me when Armaan's name appeared, and I had wished that it was somebody else's.

Armie :) : can we meet need 2 talk 2 u babe x

I tried not to get mad about the poor grammar. I realise how pretentious it can seem. And, also, English isn't Armaan's first language, so it's more so other people that irritate me. I used to smile whenever he messaged me, but now I was worrying. He'd never sent any kind of urgent message like that before. I quickly replied.

Me: yeah, of course! i'm skating now, usual spot, i'll wait for you x

I put my phone back in my pocket, but it buzzed again.

Armie :) : and ur usual spot is?

How can he not remember a place where I spend most of my time? Maybe he's fallen on his bloody head and that's what is so urgent.

Me: the school car park, sorry, i thought you would have remembered x

Armie :) : oops see u in 10

And so I waited. I decided to do a few laps of the lot until he arrived, failing to stop a smile from taking over my face as I came to a stop at the tree that Matty had crashed into years ago. He had been getting too full of himself and not looking where he was going as he told me of these 'big new words' he had learned lately. Always the show off.

I remember falling onto the ground next to him from laughing so hard, my head finding it's place resting on his knee as we just lay there. He was groaning, but he soon started laughing too, his dark curls falling into his forehead like always. We were laying there, two kids high on sugar and the freedom of playing outside unsupervised by our parents, giggling uncontrollably over something that was actually quite concerning. I'm sure there was a bumble bee buzzing around us, too, but we didn't mind. We were together, and that's all we used to care about.

A harsh tap on my shoulder broke me from my walk, or skate, down memory lane. Hastily, I turned around, hoping it was Armaan and not a stranger, and smiled widely when it was in fact him. My smile soon dropped, though.

His face, which was usually glowing brown and clear, was now bruised, a large cut on his lip. A painful looking cut was on his forehead, peeking out from underneath the raven hair that flopped onto his face. Around his hazel eyes was also bruised, and I immediately thought back to the state that Matty was in when he collapsed through my bedroom window.

I was scared to look at his hands, trepidation filling me. If they were messed up, it would only confirm that he had been in a fight, too. My fears were confirmed, however, as I eyed his fingers playing nervously with each other, his knuckles darker and swollen. I was frightened to put two and two together.

"W-what happened, Armie? Are you alright?" He pulled me in for a hug, arms wrapping around my shoulders, but I was more interested in his answer to my question.

"Yeah, babe, I'm fine. Just that stupid Healy kid starting fights with me for no reason." He pulled away from the hug, sitting down on the curb, and I did the same.

"M-Matty did this? You and Matty were fighting? W-why?" There was no part of my brain that could form the connection there. Maybe I'm just really fucking dumb.

"Like I said, he started it for no reason," but he couldn't seem to look at me as he said it. "But I'm fine, see." He clenched and unclenched his fist, just like Matty had done, and I nodded.

"Where did it happen?" I asked quietly, not quite sure I even wanted to know anymore about it. I was still trying to process the fact that my boyfriend and best friend, or, probably more accurate, ex best friend, had been beating the shit out of each other, and I had cleaned up the one that was no longer in my life, none the wiser.

"Some party, it was shit though"
"And I wasn't invited?"
"Come on, Evelyn. You know you don't usually like that stuff"

'An invite still would have been nice.'
But I just nodded, giving a small smile.

"Hey, listen, I know you said you needed to talk, but can it wait? There's somewhere I need to be right now" I got up from my spot on the ground, dusting off the back of my loose fit denim jeans. I held my hand out to him in an attempt to help him up, but he barely needed it.

"Oh, uh, yeah, sure. See you back at school?"
"Mhm" He leaned in to press a quick, but soft, kiss to my lips. I pecked his cheek quickly after, and after saying goodbye, I skated off.

I knew I wasn't going to get the truth out of Armaan, and there was only one person who had never lied to me before - Matty.

☺︎︎☺︎︎☺︎︎☺︎︎☺︎︎☺︎︎☺︎︎☺︎︎☺︎︎☺︎︎☺︎︎☺︎︎

this chapter is really :/ but 😌