loving someone / matty healy

𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙢𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙗𝙚 𝙢𝙮 𝙙𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙢

"You still don't think this is too much?" I looked down at my outfit - a black halter neck dress with platform shoes - gesturing to it for Zahra to see as we stood outside Matty's house.
"For movie night? It's definitely too much, but was I fuck telling you that when we were already running late."
"Zahra!"
After she calmed down from laughing, she put her hand on my shoulder. "Look, even if it is a bit too much, you look great."

Just then the door opened, revealing a surprised George. He greeted Zahra, then turned to me.
"Nice dress, Monty." He laughed, and I resisted the urge to thump him.
"Nice shoes, Georgie," I looked down to his black converse with flames on the sides. "Or, should I say, Hot Wheels."
"Oh ha ha. Get in before I change my mind."

When I walked in he wrapped his arm around me, guiding me into the living room, even though I'd followed this same path probably hundreds of times by myself.
"Don't tell him I said anything, but Matty's gonna be glad you came tonight." He whispered in my ear. I could only give a small smile in response.

The living room door was opened for me, and it was hard not to feel like some guest of honour when everyone turned to look at me. Adam and I high-fived, Ross giving me a large friendly smile. It was Matty's stare that I was worried about though, and I suddenly began to feel incredibly self-conscious in my stupidly over-excessive outfit. There was no reasonable explanation running through my head in that moment to support this decision.

He was looking at me, not saying anything, but I can guarantee that if our current unsureness of how to behave around one another wasn't present, he would have laughed his arse off as soon as he saw me. Instead, there was just a ghost of a smile on his lips and a nod to show that I was welcome.

Zahra had already found a space next to Ross, Adam and George stealing the other chair, now only finding one empty seat next to Matty, and I couldn't help but hope that he'd saved it just for me. Exuding as much coolness and nonchalance as possible, I seated myself in the vacant space, trying my best to maintain a small distance between us. I wasn't sure how close he was comfortable with being after our encounter earlier.

"So, we gonna put this on or what?" Adam asked us all, already making his way over to the TV.
Everyone nodded. "What film is it tonight?"
"It's TV night, so, Grey's Anatomy!" He called from the other side of the room.
"You know Evie's just gonna cry again" George chuckled, seemingly remembering all the times we'd watched it and my favourite characters had died or left.
But I couldn't even react, because Matty turned to me smiling, and there was suddenly no other thoughts in my head.

The night had been comfortable so far, all of us joking around as usual. Matty had even perched himself closer to me on the sofa, but the uncertainty and awkwardness of earlier still lingered close by. Now, we were all shouting at the TV as we watched Meredith say, "Pick me, choose me, love me" to Derek, my fingers literally covering my eyes because I just could not handle the embarrassment.

"Ugh, girl, if he doesn't pick you he's an idiot, you shouldn't have to ask him!" Zahra shouted, clearly unimpressed.
"I know right? Every time I watch this scene I just...ugh" I clearly wasn't impressed either.
"I can't with this shit" Adam shook his head. Ross and George just laughed at all of us.

"Imagine having to beg someone to pick you, it's degrading. Nah, not something I'd be doing anytime soon." Matty finally spoke aloud, having remained rather silent for most of the night so far.
"Exactly! Kinda shitty of them to make her character do that" I said, although I couldn't help but laugh at the fact that we were complaining about a television episode that aired in 2006.

"What's funny?" Matty turned to me, clearly trying to be serious in his questioning, but failing as a small smile was breaking out onto his face. In the most serious of moments, he was always betrayed by that boyish grin of his.
"Just this," I gestured to the television episode playing in front of us. "I don't know, really."

He nodded in acknowledgement, but his eyes failed to leave me completely as they remained on me, finding myself becoming increasingly annoyed with trying to pull down the bottom of my dress that would not stop riding up my thighs, letting out sighs of frustration every five fucking minutes.

A few moments later, the dip in the sofa next to me rose up as Matty did from his seat, my thoughts those of utter confusion as I watched him leave the living room, eventually hearing the door of his bedroom opening upstairs. Did I do something to piss him off? I looked to George, but he just shrugged his shoulders, however, seeming just as confused as every one of us was, all of us sharing bewildered glances with each other.

He returned not long after, but I kept my glance straight ahead at the TV. Out of my peripheral vision, I could see him standing to my left. Just there, not doing anything, and although it seemed weird as fuck, I didn't look at him. I couldn't handle seeing him looking at me like I was anything other than someone he loved.

"Okay then," I heard, just before a pile of clothes were dumped on my lap. "For you. That dress looks annoying."
I unfolded the fabric in front of me, revealing a pair of Batman pyjama bottoms and an old Green Day shirt that was way too big for either of us that he got from a show we went to when we were thirteen. I felt warm. Looking up at him, I smiled, probably maniacally. "Thank you, Matty."

I hurriedly got changed in the bathroom, knowing that George would have made them pause the episode for me even though I'd already seen it, and when I returned, I failed to miss the look on Zahra's face as she looked between Matty and I. I was beginning to regret what I had confided in her earlier, not because I didn't trust her, but because saying something out loud makes it real, and when I smiled at Matty, and he smiled back, reality didn't even do him justice.

Once I sat back down, I felt his arm make its way around my shoulder, pulling me closer, and I had to remind myself, this is just platonic, this is just platonic, this is just platonic. However, when I caught sight of his knuckles that were sill healing, the skin still damaged, my thoughts were now replaced with ones shouting at me about what Armaan had said - that Matty had been drinking and attacked my boyfriend because he doesn't think he's good enough for me.

I never doubted that Matty would do anything he could to protect me and keep me out of harm's way. But what he's deemed as harmful is my boyfriend, and the way that messes with my head is the unhealthy consequence of both of their actions.

But, as a quick kiss was pressed to the top of my head and the embrace grew closer, I stopped thinking about what had happened. Even if he had used them to hurt someone close to me, there was no place on Earth where I felt safer than in Matty's arms. It was a truth I had realised much earlier on in our youth. He had always come to my rescue, even if I could rescue myself, and the naivety it would take for me to just blindly believe this boy had willingly done something to hurt me was not a level of ignorance I held.

I rested my head on his shoulder. Here, in his living room, surrounded by the people I adore most in the world, was home. And Armaan doesn't make it feel that way.

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i just realised that this story has over 200 reads?? thank you!!