loving someone / matty healy

𝙖𝙣 𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙧

I woke up the next morning to muffled voices sounding from the bottom of my stairs, instantly panicking that it was someone for me, and that I was going to have to socialise at this time in the morning. What time even is it?

The alarm clock that hadn't been moved from my bedside table in years read 12:17PM, the time of day just visible underneath the finished pile of books stacked on top of it.

From what I could make out from the conversation taking place downstairs, it became very clear very fast that the person was in fact here for me. My mind instantly wandered to the possibility of it being Matty.

"Yeah, mate, she's just upstairs, probably hasn't woken up yet" Thanks dad.
"Oh, okay, cool. I won't be long anyway." I froze at the sound of Armaan's voice. Shit. After the text sent last night, I could not be arsed with whatever he had to say. If I want to go and visit someone I may as well have been In Utero with, then I fucking will.

Regardless, I quickly got up, throwing on a hoodie I grabbed off my bedroom floor, along with a pair of pyjama trousers, fixing my hair while I was at it as well. I practically teleported to the seat underneath my window, picking up the closest book to me and opening it up to a random page, trying my best to look like I wasn't a lazy bugger that had just woken up. Kinda like when you'd play on your Nintendo or iPod when you were younger under the covers, and turn into some kind of shapeshifter as soon as you heard your parent's footsteps coming.

A few seconds later, there was a rapid knock on my door, and if I did happen to still be asleep, I definitely would have been woken up now.
"Mhm?" I called out.
"Evelyn? It's me. Can I come in?"
"Oh, yeah, sure" and then he waltzed in, taking a second to locate where I was, but coming over to sit next to me when he eventually did.

He kissed my cheek, saying a quiet 'Good morning', and I gave him a small smile in return.
"About my text last night-" He began, but I quickly interrupted him.
"Yeah, what was all that about?"
"You just-you went to his house after I told you that he attacked me?" He didn't look upset, he just looked angry.

"He's my best friend, Armie. And you're not the only one that was hurt" I hated the fact that he had just completely disregarded the state that I seen Matty in, at the hands of him, more importantly.
"Best friend? Since when?" His question confused me. He knew that Matty was someone important in my life.
"You know we grew up together, he was the first person to know about us"

"Well, I don't see him at your side anymore" He shrugged, and whether or not he had said it to hurt me didn't matter, because that shit did hurt.
"I think there's more pressing issues here, Armaan" I couldn't stop thinking about Matty's desperation to not be the one to tell me why the fight had started - the only time he had refused to tell me something was when he accidentally broke my favourite toy, he didn't want to hurt me - and so I couldn't help but feel absolute trepidation.

"What did he tell you?" He put his head in his hands, and I instinctively put my hand on his back, rubbing what I hoped were soothing circles.
"Why do you both keep asking that? He didn't say anything. Just that he didn't want to be the one to tell me, and that..." I paused, and he looked up.

"And what?" His eyes were on me, and I nervously played with the sleeves of the hoodie I had quickly put on.
"He said that you deserved it" He scoffed, letting out a laugh that almost scared me.
"I deserved it? I'm gonna knock that twat's lights out" I was taken aback by what he said. He'd never portrayed himself as a violent or aggressive person before, and I wasn't so sure I liked this part of him very much. It made me feel uneasy.

"No, you won't. I don't want you two to fight like that again." I asserted sternly. "He was in an absolute state that night, and-"
"'That night'? What do you mean 'that night'? He was here?" He was on his feet in seconds, arms flying about as he grew angrier, voice raising.
"Y-yeah, he uhh, he came here and collapsed, Armie. He fucking collapsed and he was all fucked up, so he stayed here, a-and he left the next morning after not telling me much."

"He slept in here?!" The look in his eyes was only growing wilder, untameable.
I nodded, and he shook his head furiously.
"Is that his fucking hoodie?!"
"I-" I looked down. It was. I forgot that I had only given him back his t-shirt to put on, and I didn't have enough time to properly realise what I was putting on with the speed I was moving just minutes before. "Yeah, it's his."

"Something happened, didn't it? That's why you're being so weird with me?" His hands were running through his charcoal hair, and I was at a loss for words. How could he even think I'd betray him?
"N-no, nothing happened, I swear! You're being paranoid, Armie. I swear I'd never do that, you know that! The only reason I have this is because his clothes got wet and I dried them for him, he must have forgotten this. I didn't realise what I was putting on, I promise"

His heavy breaths seemed to calm down slightly, but his eyes were still piercing through me. "Okay, I believe you."

I sighed a breath of relief. "But I don't want you hanging around with him anymore. You never know what shit he's gonna tell you."
I laughed, out loud. I fucking laughed.
"What's so funny?" His stare, more like glare, was serious.
"You can't tell me who I get to spend my time with, Armaan! You don't get to tell me what I can and can't do"
"I'm your boyfriend!"
"And if I tried to control you, would you see it as me being your girlfriend? No! I'd be seen as a crazy bitch"

"Come on, Ev. Don't start with that shit!"
I stopped shouting. And I just looked at him. I fucking glared at him.
"Get the fuck out of my house, Armaan. Don't come back until you've stopped being a pig."

Even though it was the first massive fight we'd had, I didn't cry like I thought I would - which I'm glad about. I refuse to make myself experience negative emotions over the shitty behaviour of others. Well, the shitty behaviour of anyone other than Matty. But, right now, I couldn't help but find solace in the hoodie keeping me warm. His hoodie. I don't know how I didn't realise that it was his sooner, because now that I did realise, all I could smell was him, and nothing could ever be more comforting.

☺︎︎☺︎︎☺︎︎☺︎︎☺︎︎☺︎︎☺︎︎☺︎︎☺︎︎

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