loving someone / matty healy

𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙧𝙮

"What the fuck have you done to your hair?" George and I had just made it to English, a class we also happen to share with Matty, and so I really shouldn't have been surprised when I entered the classroom to see him sitting in the seat next to mine, face appearing to be healing well.

When I turned to face George, I was met with a worried glance - he may not have known what was going on, I don't even know what's going on, but that didn't stop him from caring.
'It'll be fine' I mouthed, to which he nodded, then proceeded to make his way to his own chair.

I parked myself in my seat, growing annoyed when Matty decided to flick my hair with his pencil.
"Really, Healy? You don't speak with me properly in fucking ages, and when you do, it's to express concern over my bloody hair?"
"Come on, it's not that deep, Evie"
"Says the one who complicates everything by giving it some 'deeper meaning'. It's just a loaf of bread, mate. It's not about Jesus."

I felt bad for snapping at him; it's not his fault. It's not his fault that Armaan and I argued, but it could be his fault that the fight started, and until I'm aware of what happened, it feels almost impossible for things to go back to the way they were before.

My manner towards him had caused him to cast his stare down at the table in front of us, and I realised in that moment that even if he did start the fight, I don't care, because there's no one on this planet that I hate to see upset more than Matty.
I lightly punched his shoulder. "Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I'm just...confused right now, I guess." He gave me a small smile, then flicked my hair with his pencil again, showing that he was already willing to get over what I had said and annoy me again.

"Seriously though, you're okay right? You only ever really do things out of impulse when you're sad or worried or-"
"I'm okay" I gave him a small smile, too.

The thing with Matty asking if I'm okay was that the question had always been rather pointless coming from him, and directed at me.
He'd ask to let me know that he cared and he noticed, but he'd ask always knowing the real answer. He didn't have to ask. Sometimes I think that he knows me better than I know myself. People put so much pressure on finding yourself, but I've always been creating myself, and a part of me has been created by Matty.

"You're having some weird existential conversation with yourself aren't you?" The cheeky grin on his face and the giggle because, of course, he was right, made my heart swell. It had never occurred to me how much I had missed his laugh. A sound that, if we had never met, I would never have known, has become something I can't imagine never hearing again.

I suddenly felt the urge to tell him about my fight with Armaan. Any time that anyone had ever upset me, I told Matty. It was almost instinctual to tell him everything at this point. I wasn't sure exactly what to say, but I didn't want to be one of those annoying people that hint at something in every way possible instead of just spitting. it. out.

"Armaan and I had a fight" I bit my lip nervously, and he rolled his eyes, leaning back in his chair with his arms folded across his chest.
"About me, I'm guessing"
"Yeah, but he was being a twat about other things, too"
"Do I need to deck him again?"
I deadpanned.
"Too early for jokes about it?"
"You're an idiot" I laughed.

"Yeah, but I'm an idiot who is also inviting you over for dinner at my house tonight" He grinned, and I smiled.
"The guys coming, too?"
He shook his head, still smiling. "Nope, but mum's inviting your parents"
I sighed. For some reason I felt an immediate sensation of disappointment at the fact that the dinner wasn't going to be just Matty and I, and it felt strange. I'd felt that way before, but never really thought about it. Some things I'd rather not think too deeply into, I'd never want to lose what we have.

English soon passed, and so did all of my classes up until lunch, now finding myself seated at our usual table in the dinner hall. The anxiety I had felt over the possibility of having no one to be with during school now seemed absolutely ridiculous. The guys would never do that to me.

I'd even made a new friend, Zahra, Ross' girlfriend he'd started dating during the summer, and we seemed to be getting along really well. I had complimented her natural curls and she said she loved my trousers, and she sat down in front of me wearing a The Smiths shirt, how could I not like her immediately?

"Look at my two favourite girls getting along" Ross beamed, his arm pulling Zahra closer to him, and even though I'm usually not the fondest of public displays of affection, it was clear to anyone how smitten they were with each other, and it was difficult to think about anything other than how much you wished you had the same.

I suddenly felt an arm beside me pulling me closer, taking me completely by surprise, but once I realised who it was, I relaxed.
"Excuse me, Evie is my favourite girl" Matty huffed, and I felt my stomach do unusual flips. I also couldn't seem to stop my mind from thinking, 'I would have preferred it if the favourite wasn't separating those two words' and then I thought, 'where the fuck did that come from?'

"Monty can't be my favourite girl either then, I'm guessing" George spoke up, a smile plastered on his face as he kept his focus on Matty, the latter quickly shooting him a glare, and I wondered for a moment what that was all about.
"Daniel, this is a warning, I will fight you"
"With those noodle arms? Love, you can keep your empty threats" Zahra joked, eyeing him, causing me to throw my head back in a fit of cackles. Fucking hell I love this girl already.

"W-wh" Matty looked around the table, all of us unable to stop laughing and him unable to find his words. Still chuckling, I rested my head on his shoulder, playing with the curls at the back of his head and rubbing one of his arms.
"Don't worry, Matty, there's nothing wrong with your arms"

"Ugh, why don't you just go out already?" Hann shouted, throwing one of his chips at us that Matty managed to dodge, but I, being the master of making up excuses to get out of doing PE, failed to.
We turned to each other and burst out laughing.
"As if" I said, and it took me too long to realise that Matty had stopped laughing when I said that.

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hi!! updates will not be on a schedule, it was my first day back at school yesterday even though there's still a virus?? so, not as much free time :/ hope you're enjoying!!