Existence

Chapter 3 " I don't belong there"

I didn't expect I would be in the awarding

I don't wanna be there, I feel like I don't belong there

The next day, I woke up at 7 am as the online ceremony and the awarding is 8 am

I felt more awake and excited

but I don't know why my heart and my mind are fighting

"You're only good at online classes"

"At least I improved, I'm better"

"In online. Let's see what you got when face 2 face classes come"

I stopped overthinking

I joined the online ceremony and listened to everything

"Now as for our awarding to our beloved students"

...

I listened to everything, waiting for my name to be mentioned

"Ava Garcia"
"Anna Ramos"
"Nova Bridgette"
"Arthur Dela Cruz"
"Theodore Torres"

I listened as I heard my name and all the classmates I'm close with

As hours passed and passed, I ate lunch and cleaned my room

After that, I checked my phone

Got a message from our Professor "Good morning to everyone, you can get your school requirements at the school, especially for the awarded students, thank you."
"Also to inform you that next school year, we will be having face 2, face classes"

"face-to-face classes"?

I sighed and thought about all the success I've been through while having online classes

My mind and my heart are fighting again and I felt like my whole body is trembling

"You just cheated in online classes!"
"You did it for your own will"
"You're not really good at anything! You just cheated!"
"It's fine, Nova, calm down"

As more thoughts come inside me, tears started to come from my eyes

I tried to stop myself from crying but I can't

All of a sudden, My mom came and opened the door

and she asked "Nova, what's going on?"

I tried to wipe my tears but she already knew that I was crying

"What happened? Why are you crying? Do you want water? Do you want something to eat?" My mom asked as she came near and sat beside me

"I'm fine, Mom, I just ate a while ago" I replied

"No, you're not, tell me why you cried, I hate seeing you cry, Nova. I'm here for you"

"I just watched an anime, it's a sad one"

"Nova, stop lying to your own mother"

I hugged my mom and I started crying again

"Mom, I have high grades because... I cheated"

"It doesn't matter if you cheated. Nova, you succeed because you care and I'm proud of you"

"Mom...I always care, what always happens to me is I always f-fail"

"Look, Nova, if you kept having negative thoughts in your mind, it'll be always a part of you, it'll manipulate you. I'm here for you, Nova"

"Thank you, Mom" I then hugged her and she wiped my tears

"You should rest" she added and left then I decided to sleep

At midnight, I woke up and used my phone, cooked fries downstairs, and went upstairs again to watch anime named "Junji Ito collection"

Watching anime is always a comfort for me, it relaxes my mind and I can't think of any problems because of anime.

Hours later, I watched too much anime and I'm sleepy so I turned off my phone and stared at the ceiling

My mind started to be a jungle again, my mind started to tell me that no one really understands me, I can't even make myself understand what my Mom said and I lost all my friends

Tears are suddenly coming out of my eyes and I can't stop it, my eyes are already suffering, I'm trying to stop but I really can't

"If he's only here, he will understand me...If only Ian is here..."

The other day, I woke up at one in the afternoon then opened my phone

I got a message from Shawn, my friend since elementary, I didn't message him for the past month because he doesn't receive my messages anymore because we're both busy, the last time we talked was a month ago so I got all excited

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