Existence

Chapter 5"I loved you"

I then replied, "I think I have anxiety...I searched for the symptoms of it, and it matched so well with the things that kept happening in my body"

"Did you tell your parents?"

"I don't really want to... Well, maybe it's not really anxiety, probably- d-depression? I guess I've been just so sad since Ian left"

"I thought you don't like him anymore?"

"Yeah, I hate him but I'm so confused. I don't understand myself"

"Nova, just forget about him. Find someone else, they could be better than him"

"I don't want to... He's special, different, he's the only one..."

"Nova, don't be sad. Forget about your problems"

I struggle to tell him more. The way he gives me advice doesn't satisfy me. I thought he will help me. But what kind of advice is this? What is this?

I then just became quiet while Shawn is using his phone

I just kept looking at him

Why does it feel like opening things up is making it worse?

After we ate at the restaurant, I had enough, I told Shawn I want to go home now

I don't want to hear his shitty advice, he wouldn't understand anyway

"Okay, sure, see you again later" he replied

When I got home, I felt more down as I felt like someone dumped me

I came upstairs and immediately lay down on my bed

I stared at the ceiling and thoughts came inside in my mind again

All the things you did... Made me jealous over a girl, I stayed with you even though it hurts that you like someone else. I had enough so I made you jealous too but you left. I didn't reject you. You're the one who rejected me, you hurt me in many ways, you made me hate myself, and I destroyed myself just for you, I hope you know that...Ian...

I started to cry as I thought all about it, I started to grab the knife that I hid in my cabinet and slashed my wrist

I shouldn't have made you jealous...I loved you.

1 week later

I and my Mom are eating dinner and she started the conversation, "I'm resigning. And I'll be having a new job..."

...

"Ohh, that's great, Mom-"

"You'll be staying with Grandma for a while"

"Mom, it's fine, I'll live alone here. I don't wanna be there"

"You see, I can't find any school here that accepts transferry students... Your school is close to your Grandma's house, so you'll be staying there for a while-"

"Mom. I'm 17 already! I can take care of myself"

"Just do what I say, Nova, it's for your good. Your Dad and I would be so busy at work-"

"Mom, I know. I just don't wanna live with Grandma, she hates me for totally no reason"

For your information, since elementary, I've been living with my Grandma because of school.

Living with her is such a struggle, she gets mad at me for literally everything, I do all what she asks, house chores, everything while she's there sitting using her phone, and she gets mad at me if I touch my phone. She says so many mean things to me if I sit there and rest. I have no freedom around her.

My mom madly added, "Because you don't respect her, Nova."

I suddenly got annoyed and stood up

"I'm done eating" I replied

Mom said, "Pack your bags already, we're gonna go there on Sunday"

I came upstairs and sat down on my bed

-​🇹​​🇴​ ​🇧​​🇪​ ​🇨​​🇴​​🇳​​🇹​​🇮​​🇳​​🇺​​🇪​​🇩​-