Pretty little Wallflower

Chapter 3

Looking at my class schedule again for the 5th time this morning, checking that my first class of the day is at the time I thought it was, 10AM, hours away, it's currently 6 in the morning. I've been awake since 3 AM.The nightmares are hit and miss. Some nights I get them worse than other nights but there isn't a night where I don't get them, the same dream, the same horror I have to live through every night and the same guilt that reappears, there's no escaping it however this is the first night back that I haven't woken up Mayla. The medication does its job and knocks me out each night but sometimes it trapps me in that dream, it's like I'm awake and watching it from a different point of view each time and there's nothing I can do to stop the outcome of that

I thought about picking out my outfit for the day but I basically wear the same thing every day but in different colours. My appearance and how I presented myself used to be a big deal to me but ever since the scar I couldn't care less. It's ugly and long going straight from my ear to underneath my jaw. At first I tried to hide it with my hair but that was no luck, so I decided on the combination of big baggy jumpers and my hair to help hide it.

I'm walking through campus by myself which was a brave and very stupid mistake. I feel eyes on me all the time but I don't feel the hot burning sensation as I did when Theo was staring at me and I know this will continue all the way into psychology. I'm pretty sure everyone knows what's happened or there's some rumours floating around about it.

I'm sure the professor is set on destroying all of our social lives but it's not like I have one any more.The course load she's setting isn't even mandatory and the course is hard enough as it is without the added work. The whole time there has been murmurs and looks coming my way. Halfway through our lecture we are given a break so I head to the toilets with my head kept down to not draw attention to myself. Once I'm done, I walk towards the sink to wash my hands but Stacy and her group of friends are in my way, they're in the cheer team for football,"Oh look it's Quinn, how's your mother?oh wait you killed her and you came out unscathed, shame" I walk away and head back to class and grab my stuff shoving it all in my bag. I ran out of class tears threatening to leave my eyes and trying to get rid of the lump in my throat. Mayla is in a lecture so i can't go to her so i run to the ice rink to watch Cooper practice instead of having to endure another hour in class listening to what others have to say about me. Once I get to the rink I sit in the back of the stadium and get my books out thinking I'll be able to do some of the work that was set but instead I feel that burning sensation through my body and without having to look I already know who it is staring at me. I turn to look up from my empty page to see theo staring straight up at me smiling. I turn to look around the rink for Cooper but he is throwing daggers out his eyes at Theo while he is still looking at me. The whistle blows drawing both their attention back to practice while I pull up the work on my laptop.

I finally look up from my laptop and see the boys exiting the rink. I start to pack up my stuff and walk down the steps but stop in my tracks when i notice Theo walking towards me."are you following me now " i look up at him to see his big grin on his face not being able to answer him because of that lump still threatening to come up and my tears start to build up again. I finally pulled myself together and answered, "No, I just needed a break so I thought I would come watch Jesse practice." His smile drops and he is looking behind me so I turn to look to see who it is and I see Jesse looking at us. "I don't think your boyfriend likes me talking to you" I turn back to look at him with a puzzled look and with a disgusted tone I say "he's not my boyfriend". I start to carry on walking when he grabs my wrist and pulls me back to him whispering "why are your eyes all bloodshot baby?" i didn't understand why he called me that but without any warning my eyes started to water again. I turn away so he can't see but he pulls my face to look back at him and wipes my eyes. I could tell he saw me hesitate as he went to do it but I didn't stop him which was something I normally would do. Just before i can answer his question jesse shout up at us "ellison coach wants us in the locker room now, Quinn wait there i'll meet you here in a few" Theo doesn't move an inch which i can see pisses Jesse off so i pull my arm away which he was still holding on to. He looks back up to me "i'll see you later and don't think i'll be dropping this". As he turns his back to me I realise that's the only time since I've been back that I have felt like my normal self, not once did his eyes travel down to my scar.