Pretty little Wallflower

Chapter 12

Its friday afternoon, Theos game starts soon but i've decided that i'm not going to go, so i message him telling him i'm going to see my dad 'hey, sorry i can't come to your game tonight, i've got to go home and see if my dads okay he hasn't messaged me in a while so just want to make sure everything is okay, hope you win though'

My dad lives half an hour away from my uni so it's not too bad of a drive to do but i have to be careful and not go on certain roads that bring up memories or trigger a panic attack and flashbacks. The pills I've been prescribed by the doctors aren't helping me anymore, they weren't really doing anything to help to begin with.

The drive over wasn't as bad as i thought, i see my dads car in the driveway so he must be in and has no reason to not reply to my messages, he worries me, ever since we lost mom he's not been himself but who would be. He turned to alcohol and hasn't ever really stopped, he's dependent on it now but i don't let him know i know because it's my fault.

I walk in to see the house is in a state, he's worse than i thought, bottles of bourbon laying on the floor near the couch and all over the house.

"Dad, i came for a visit"

He walks out from the kitchen drink in hand "what are you doing here?"

"I came to see if your okay we haven't talked in a while i was worried about you" i said

"I can't even look at you, you disgust me" my dad said with a snarl on his face.

"I know and i'm sorry for what i've done"

"Just get out of my face, i don't want to see you"

I walk away while I start picking up old newspapers and empty alcohol bottles trying to tidy up the place. He's gone back into his office now with a slam of his door which would probably shake the whole house.

After a couple hours of cleaning and trying to get the house back in order again i attempt to talk to my dad again

"Hey dad, i've tidied the house up a bit for you"

"It should of been you, not her, you walked away from it with only a scar but she lost of her life because of you,if only you hadn't been a brat and just did as you were told none of us would be in this position"

His words are like a knife to the heart with each nasty word that keeps on spilling out of his lips. Did he not think i don't blame myself or that i do wish it was me and not her. Maybe this is just drunk him talking to me and he doesn't mean it, but something in me is telling me he means every single word he says to me.

"She died and you lived, you walked away with a trust fund that would set you for life because she didn't want you to not live your life the way you wanted with the worry on money"

He's taking steps towards me getting closer and closer

"Im sorry, i'm sorry i took her from you, i wish it was me instead" i say with a croaky voice trying to hold the tears back but its not working.

"You killed her!" he shouts in my face, I can smell the bourbon on his breath practically tasting it from how close he is to me. I've never had a single reason to be scared of my father but tonight I'm terrified of him.

"I wish it was you who was dead" he shouts as he turns his back to me

i'm holding back tears as i speak to him "Your drunk dad, you don't mean it"

He turns so fast i don't see it coming, his hand comes straight for my face but instead of him slapping my cheek his hand is higher and hits the side of my head knocking me of my balance causing me to fall, as i fall i try to soften my landing but my head hits the corner of his desk, pain is all i can feel.