Pretty little Wallflower

Chapter 16

Who would've thought I would be spending Thanksgiving break alone like this? Laying in bed all week, not having enough effort to get up. I'm drained, psychically and emotionally.

It's the first thanksgiving without my mom and now my father since he's made his hatred for me clear. Maylas coming back soon, she went to Jackson's parents for the weekend to celebrate it. She felt awful leaving me alone but I told her I would go home and spend it with my father.

I have no idea where Theo is, I told him I needed space. I needed some time to get my head around all of this because all in one night I lost a relationship with my father and gained a boyfriend, it's a lot to handle and to wrap my head around. I haven't spoken to him since, i feel bad that i've asked for space but i need it.

I've spent most of the break in my bed, staring into darkness or the wall, i have no effort to do anything, i've not been taking my pills, i thought i was better because i didn't really need them when i was with Theo, that was a bad idea because now nothing is blocking out all the thoughts running through my head all the time, its never ending but at the same time everything around me is quiet. I like it, I don't have to put up an act for anyone or pretend I'm happy. I didnt even realise how much time had passed since I first got into bed. I wasted my whole break in bed but I don't care. I don't have enough effort left to care.

If Theo still wants me he's going to have to take me as I am because I don't have any left of me to give away. I turn to my side and fall asleep, i've not slept well so maybe this will make me feel better.

I hear the front door close, "Quinn, im back" Mayla shouts

I turn the other way before she comes up to check if i'm here, i pretend to be asleep, i don't want to talk to anyone.

"Quinn, jacksons here with me as well, is Theo up there with you, is that why you're not answering me?" she shouts as she laughs,she's probably walking up the stairs.

I hear small quiet knock on my door, it's probably her, the door creaks

"Babe, are they here?" I hear Jackson ask, I think he's now at my open door as well.

"No, only Quinn which is weird because i thought they would of been together"

"Lets leave her to sleep babe" jackson whispers

I hear the door shutting and turn on my back and let out a sigh, my phone has been turned off ever since I asked for space. I'm scared to turn it back on. I told Theo that I was going to be with Mayla most of the break, which was a lie, a lie he will probably figure out sooner or later. I wanted to be alone, to lay with my thoughts, to think things through. Doing all of that though has only made it worse for me because now I can't get out of my own head.

A couple of days have passed since Mayla has come home and I haven't spoken to her, I haven't left my room or my bed. I only got out when i knew she was either asleep or out.

A knock on the door shakes me from my thoughts "Quinn" Mayla whispers

She opens the door, I stay in the same position, I feel the bed dip as Mayla sits near me.

"Are you okay Quinn? I've been worried about you"

"Im fine, sorry for worrying you" my voice croaks due to the lack of use.

"What's wrong Quinn, i've been back for a couple of days, i haven't seen you at all, somethings wrong, i want to help you" she says while stroking my hair

"Nothings wrong"

"Well something is, i've never seen you like this, im worried, is it Theo, did he do or say something?" Mayla questions.

"No, i haven't seen or spoken to him, he's done nothing wrong"

I feel awful for not talking to him and treating him the way I have been by not talking to him but I have to do what's best for me at this moment.

"I want to help you Quinn but i can't if you don't tell me what's wrong" she tries to plead with me

I stay silent

"Can you come downstairs and eat something, you don't have to talk to me or jackson but just at least eat something"

"Im not hungry"

"The next time I'm coming up, you're eating something. end of discussion"

I wake up and there's food on the side. Mayla stuck to what she said but i don't feel like eating, i feel sick at the thought of it. I can hear hushed whispers outside my door.

"Hey, wake up Quinn, we need to talk about this" Mayla says firmly.

"Talk about what Mayla, im fine, i'm just tired"

"Come downstairs and we can talk, let's get you out of this room"

I sigh and get up, following her downstairs. I'm feeling dizzy but that's probably due to the lack of food I've had in the past few days, i need a drink, I grab a bottle of water, dreading this conversation she wants to have.

As soon as i've sat on the couch the front door opens

"Hey babe, we're here" i hear jackson say

Both Theo and Jackson walk to where we are sitting and sit down. Theo stares at me for a bit too long, taking in my careless look, I haven't taken care of myself, I look awful but I couldn't find it in me to care.

"Hey" Theo says quietly, almost like he's scared to scare me.

"Hi" i whisper

"Let's get started then" Jackson says while he clapped his hands together as he sits.

"Quinn, you need to tell us what's going on, did something happen when you went home?" her voice is laced in pity

"Why would she have been with her father when she was with you?" Theo sounds furious.

I sit back and watch it unfold in front of me, all the lies I've told.

"She told me she was spending it at home with her dad"

"Well Quinn said she was spending it with you"

"Lets stop going round in circles, Quinn where have you been for the break?" jackson asks me

"Here" i whisper

"Why did you lie,Quinn? Why would you lie to me ?" Mayla sounds hurt

" i knew you wouldn't of let me stay here by myself so i lied okay" i go to get up before theo stops me

"Why would you let her go back there, Mayla? She's not safe there"

I stare right at him, I'm so annoyed that he has outed me like that. She didn't know, if she did she would feel awful about it but it's not her fault, she doesn't need to feel bad about it.

"Why aren't you safe there?" she questions me, i stay silent looking away from her.

"Why isn't she safe there Theo?"

"Go on Quinn, tell her why, tell her what went on that night"

I'm furious, I can feel the tears building behind my eyes, not wanting them to spill.

"Quinn, don't say that nothing happened that night because something obviously did, we all just want to help you, we're all worried about you" Jackson says softly.

I don't want to show them that I'm weak or for them to know that's exactly what I am behind the mask I put on everyday. I'm sick of the pity, looks and sympathy, what happened that night was my fault and until I'm proven wrong, that is what I'll continue to believe.

Instead of saying anything back I stood up grabbing my water bottle so i can go back up to my room, away from everyone and everything.