Running From Love.

Chapter 4: More Flash Backs.

Sorry it's so short, i promise i'll post a new one later today or tomorrow! this is kind of a filler chapter, btw dont hate Carson for how he treats Riley, he is having a really hard time with his emotions :)

Chapter 4: More Flash Backs

POV: Carson:

I followed Riley toward the boarding train. I was starting to get tired. In my defense it had been two days since I had slept. I hated sleeping, the nightmares that swarmed me every night were unmerciful. The same dream every time, replayed over and over. What made it worse is that it wasn't just a nightmare, it actually happened. No matter how many years went by I would never forget the men that were dead because of me. I looked at Riley who was facing me smiling at me now. She was so beautiful; she made me feel so comfortable. I wish I couldn't tell her how I felt! I wish I could kiss her, hell just to touch her. Sometimes I thought her beautiful brown eyes could see through me, right into my soul. I wish that was the case, I wish I could be with her. How could I put her in that kind of danger though? It wasn't fair to her. But she was already in danger right? I mean I was kind of keeping her alive. Was it so wrong to love? I haven't felt something in so long! I wanted to feel something! With her I did, the ice in my soul melts with just a smile from her. I want her.

I shook my self out of my daze, this was strictly professional. Even if she felt the same way as me, I can't get wrapped up in her. Things just wouldn't work. I had to shut her down and fast. She looked back toward me and smiled again shyly. I kept my face emotionless.

"Why do you keep smiling at me?" I asked. I knew but I had to be mean.

"um I guess I was just trying to be nice?" She said confused.

"Well stop." I said.

"Why?" she asked almost hurt.

I took a deep breath. I hated hurting her.

"Because." That's all I could get out.

Please don't say anything. I thought to myself.

"Because why?" She asked curious now.

Damn.

"Has anyone ever told you, you have a horrible smile? It's really gross, your cheeks puff out like a chipmunk. It's gross." I said mocking a chipmunk. For effect.

Please don't cry. I thought.

She just stood there silent; she looked like she was crushed and angry. I was hoping she was more angry than hurt.

She went to say something.

"but," She started.

Just shut up! i thought.

"Wow, are you really so dense that you can't even take an insult right? There isn't nothing to talk about, i told you, your smile is gross, just shut up, stop making a complete fool of yourself." I said.

She stood there clinching her jaw.

"You know Carson I think I got you all wrong. At first I thought you were just rough around the edges and you would lighten up. Now I can see, you're just arrogant, egotistical and pathetic." She said.

"Yeah, well I'm here to please, baby!" I said looking indifferent.

"I hate you." She said almost silently. I could only hear it because my ears are sensitive.

"Good." I said honestly.

We boarded the train. She sat near the window, as far away from me as possible. I didn't blame her, I would hate me too. Hell I do hate me. If I had it my way I would've been the one to dye that night not Ben and Dean. It was my stupid mistake, I was so cocky actually thought I could Tony by myself. I was stupid, I was reckless. I still remember how they died. Even more so why they died. Then I remembered why I decided to join Tony, and why I would never be allowed back in the enforcers ever again. Why MY life ceases to exist. To think maybe if that night wouldn't of happened then maybe things would be different. Maybe Ben would still be alive, maybe my parents wouldn't hate me and I would be able to have a life, a real life. With a mate and a family, possibly I wouldn't feel so damn guilty all the time. Maybe just maybe I would still be happy.