Daggers of love

chapter 47

Panic.

That's all I can feel at this moment in time. The room stunk of it, the air was filled with uncomfortable thoughts, the ground was shaking with nervous twitches. My dress becoming tighter by the second, the shiny fabric suddenly looking dull and cheap, I feel like I'm losing myself in this madness. 

Some managed to escape this hell. Maria decided to take a dip in the pool as Saya fucked off somewhere along with willie, they didn't have any reason to be panicked, any reason for traveling here. I did... I was one of the only ones actually needed for this mission, my skill set being more valuable than half the people who joined us. Why did they even come? They aren't useful, are they?

Saya's highly skilled with a blade and can be fairly intimidating, but so am I.

Maria can manipulate and distract people, but not as good as me.

Willie had a car we can use, I have at least ten.

I have the skills, I have the manipulation, I have the cars, the looks, the influence and the safety net of an excuse. Why did the others have to come? Even if I wasn't here they would be fucking useless, their not as skilled when high off their fucking heads.

Their liabilities. Saya's letting loose and acting like a child. Marias throwing herself at any man that even breathes in her direction. And willie... he's jumping between sulking like a baby and neverland happiness.

They've forgotten why we came here, the real reason as to why I'm dressed like a million fucking bucks in this middle-class shithole. Their all blissfully ignorant, having the best time of their lives while billy and I are stuck with a drugged-up Marcus, sober and anxiously awaiting go time.

Nothing much had happened since the others left. We all just kinda sat, waiting along as time ticked at a painfully slow pace. After a good ten minutes or so, billy started pacing across the small room, listing off every little thing that happened to cross his mind.

I sat there, listening to him. I didn't say much, my mind absent from this current reality. I didn't even notice Marcus grabbing a hold of my hand. Billy had some good points, reasons why we should kill his dad, reasons why we shouldn't. He was trying to find an excuse to back out of it, an excuse to let his dad live. After he realised the bad outweighed any good his father had managed to do, Marcus started speaking. Distracting both billy and I from billy's impending meltdown.

"The undulling room of formless shapes melting" Marcus started, his face blank. "The albino god on a throne of doll heads." Nonsense, its all just fucking nonsense.

"What?" I question out loud. Marcus stayed bare; his eyes just as empty as his head. his hand still in mine, limp and cold.

"Sure," billy piped up, the hint of a breakdown still lacing his vocal cords. "An albino god on a throne of doll heads. Your doing great buddy." Sarcasm making its entrance last minute.

"he's doing the best he can." my voice defensive and clearly offended, probably also revealing how fed up I'm beginning to get with this whole situation. "Considering the amount of drugs he's taken, we should be happy he's even breathing." My free hand reaches for the remote, flipping the channel to find something more appealing. Marcus stays blank, staring at the new screen showing ghostbusters.

"No offence y/n, but I don't think breathing is something I would be grateful for at the moment." While his words and tone are harsh, I kinda understood what he was trying to get across. Kinda.

"Where did everybody go?" Marcus pipes, still staring at the tv wide eyed, body swaying slightly in a circle. I sigh, this isn't the first time we've had to answer this.

"To the am/pm to get smokes and snacks and stuff." Answering Marcus questions didn't stop billy from pacing, in fact I think it made him pace faster. "Maria went to the pool."

"we've told you this six times sweetie." I attempt to drill it in softly, the annoyance in my voice straining my energy with the effort needed to keep it down. The mentioning of maria not helping my mood. Marcus looked down, his face contorting as he thinks. The cogs turning in that spaced out head of his. I watch him intensely, worried any second he could fall to the ground dead. Luckily, he didn't.

"Are you mad at me?" he asks, turning his head to me, our eyes meeting.

"What?" billy and I answer at the same time, both equally as shocked. Billy stopped in his tracks, his pacing coming to a holt as he looks over his shoulder to Marcus.

"No, dude." Billy starts "just nervous." Billy anxiously shifts on his feet, his jaw tightening with each syllable that passes through his lips.

"Why?" Marcus looks to billy, genuinely confused.

"my dads staying in the next room." His voice goes soft, I can tell he's rethinking everything. "I'm going to set a device on his door. let us know when he gets back, keeps it from locking."

"I don't think he's understanding any of this." I manage to add in, my head beginning to hurt from the amount of stress I've been experiencing.

"I- I'm having a hard time." Marcus admits, conveniently.

"See, told you." billy just glairs at me, taking a deep breath before starting a new sentence.

"My dad..." he begins roughly, slowly moving to sit next to Marcus on the other side of the bed. "Not all bad." I stay quiet again, knowing exactly where this is going. "there are these moments where you can see the good guy inside..." a few moments aren't enough, not for a healthy stable person. "Like he's trapped inside an asshole."

I reach behind Marcus, grabbing billy's hand, I know he hasn't had anyone for most of his life, but it doesn't have to be like that anymore. He's had me for a while now, and we've always been there for each other. Billy doesn't say anything to my sudden grasp of his hand, he just gives me a grateful smile and grips back.

"didn't he put your mum in danger and send you to kings to pay a dept?" Marcus turns his head slowly through his sentence, seemingly unaware of the weight his words held. My jaw dropped, ouch, he's not wrong but oh my god that sounded harsh.

Billy didn't seem too affected by it, he just looked down sadly, memories with his dad probably playing in his mind. "yeah" he responds. "that's the thing... the shitty part of him is super shitty. He doesn't care who he hurts. He...he can't stop himself." Billy takes a pause, closing his eyes as he takes another breath. "He just keeps digging himself a deeper hole."