Where's My Love? - Lo'ak

Chapter 43: Bliss and Trepidation

Bliss.

That's the one word Lo'ak could describe how he feels.

The only problem, is the bliss has flecks of trepidation.

He's mated, he couldn't be more grateful for that. It's with his first love, his only love. The one that understands him more than anything and anyone ever will. And sure, he is young and others may think he made this decision too soon, but deep down Lo'ak has always known it would be Esmyrie.

He got to see her, feel her, understand her, but doing so also made him see horrors he never wanted to see.

His brother, dead on the ground, a bullet wound to the chest. His hands bloodied as his brother lays emotionless below him. A cruelty his kind, innocent, strong brother should never have to face.

And he can't get the image of of his head. He knows Esmyrie can tell, they are still connected, as the bond is suppose to last until the next day, where they then can return as lifelong mates.

It's dark out, Eclipse happened hours ago, Esmyrie using his chest as a pillow as Lo'ak messes with their connected queues.

"You're thinking." Esmyrie whispers.

"I am." Lo'ak clarifies.

"Do you wish to tell me about what? Or must I let Tsaheylu do it?" Esmyrie whispers, moving her head to look up at him.

Lo'ak smiles at the thought, knowing now if there is something he wants Esmyrie to know but can't voice it, they can always bond. But this isn't one of those moments, he can speak up about this. He must.

"Why did Eywa show you that my brother is dead?" Lo'ak asks.

He feels the moment the question registers in the girls head, because he feels her heart clench at his question.

"I don't know... Eywa has showed me a lot of weird things."

"More than what you showed me?" Lo'ak asks, now curious as to what more horrors The Great Mother made Eywa see.

Esmyrie can feel the boys heart quicken and the concern he feels, making her put her hand on the boys heart.

"They weren't all bad."

"You sure? You just showed me a hell of a lot. Dead animals, fire, skypeople, my dead brother." Lo'ak grits out. He immediately feels sorry for his tone when he feels the sadness that radiates off of her. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to snap at you."

Esmyrie hums, her head moving so Lo'ak can no longer look into her eyes, making him frown.

"Do you regret it?" The girl asks, her hand moving to play with their conjoined queues.

"What? Why would I-"

"I can feel that there is a part of you that dislikes what I showed you..."

"I don't regret it. I don't. I dislike that Eywa showed you so much destruction. I dislike that Eywa showed my brother dead. But I don't dislike that you showed me. I dislike what Eywa forced you to see." Lo'ak moves her closer to him, needing her touch.

"I'm not going to let it happen, you know."

"What?"

"Neteyam... I won't let him die."

Lo'ak shakes his head, the thoughts of his brother dying returning, pain erupting in his heart.

"Esmyrie..."

"Eywa keeps showing me different futures and it's... it's all too confusing... but Neteyam is there. I'm going to make sure of it."

"We don't even know if what Eywa showed you is true." Lo'ak tries to consider.