Where's My Love? - Lo'ak

Chapter 57: One Day

Eclipse is here and that means one thing to Lo'ak. He has one day left with his lover.

One day left to hold her. One day left to talk to her. One day left to be with her.

One day left... And yet he feels like there is still so much to do... So many rituals still that he doesn't know if he'll have time to just be with her.

He still has to dress her in the jewels he wishes her to wear when returned to Eywa. He still has to decide which paint and dyes to be used during the ceremony. He still has to weave the bandages that will be used to keep her body secure.

He has all that to do. But he wants to do none of it.

He wants to lay with her. Would that be wrong? Is it considered a sin to want to sleep in the same cot of his fallen love?

He wants to somehow form the bond once more... Maybe find her queue and sew it back on just to make her look like nothing is missing.

He wants to see the vision of his future kids... He wants to see the vision she didn't want to show him. Just so he could bathe in the false reality that they had a future together.

And above all, he wants to kiss her. He wants to kiss every part of her. Let her know he loves her. He will always cherish her.

Lo'ak instead goes for the simple approach, moving the bowls of food and sitting as close to her as the candles allow.

"It's all my fault." It's a small phrase, but one Lo'ak means every word to.

He should of protected her better. He could of done a better job at convincing her to stay in the village. He should of argued with her to leave with Neteyam while he gets Spider.

He has been reliving those dreadful moments, even in sleep. When he is awake, the silence will become too much, as they were never silent when in the same room, and he will be reminded she isn't asleep. During sleep, nightmares will invade his mind, making him relive seeing her die, sometimes even making him suffer and see as her queue is cut off by the hands of his enemy.

It's a harsh reality, and nights don't allow him time to escape it.

He goes to continue talking to the girl, getting out as many apologies as he can, but his father enters after asking if he can come in. Lo'ak just hums, not having the power to argue with his father of wanting to be alone with the girl.

Jake hates how his son looks. Even with it being just a day since the girls death, he can see the effects it has on his son. His son looks like a ghost of the boy he was before, almost as if he was the one that died and not the girl. His hair is a mess, and he can tell he hasn't been eating from the almost untouched bowl of food, his heart breaking when he sees there are two.

Jake moves to sit down beside Lo'ak, trying to keep his gaze off the body under the blanket as best he can. Jake has been in this situation many times before. He was the former Olo'eyktan, It was part of his job to go to the tents of the fallen and check up on his people, but never has he been in a tent that held so much grief before. It is almost suffocating. He knows the only reason Tonowari hasn't come to visit is from his request to leave the young couple alone. But Jake isn't Olo'eyktan anymore, he doesn't have to visit the tents of the fallen, but with his son grieving and the fallen being his niece, he can't help but visit anyways.

Jake clears his throat after some time, letting the boys eyes drift from the wax dripping from the candles to him, and he gives his son the best smile he can muster, but Lo'ak just looks at him blankly.

"I'm proud of you." Jake says, suddenly feeling like he has hardly ever said that to his children.

"For what? Getting Esmyrie killed?" Lo'ak grits out, his gaze moving to the girl when she is mentioned.