yet again ANOTHER one of those everything books.

cooking and why im banned from cooking

okokok

i love food, and i especially love cooking for others

but i cant cook much, in total i think i can make some good cakes, fried eggs, quesadillas, spaghetti and tacos. i can make burgers too but only if they're already in patty form which kinda doesnt count.

the first three things i made very often when i lived with my mom, we'd have it randomly in the day, afternoon or night for dinner because nobody could tell us what to do. plus it was enough to pass us by until she wanted to cook lol

the rest i learned at my sister's house (i made spaghetti at my mom's but i perfected it with my sister)

so why am i banned if i learned how to survive off of the basics with the help of others around me??

because i dont pay attention!

no seriously, the gas has accidentally been turned and left on by me (leaned over the stove to clean it and didnt smell the gas), and i forgot to check the oven when we were gonna use it, so....the plastic bowls melted in it. i cleaned it though no worries.

i am the next threat to this home, if the baby doesnt touch something that ends it all, it'll be me.

so now, if i am cooking something, its either making sure nothing happens to the food, its in the airfryer, or i do some of the steps to whatever she's cooking with no question (like draining taco meat and setting out the seasonings, chopping veggies etc), or im warming it up. i also have the option to use the oven SOMETIMES but not frequently do i get it. 

besides burning, making gummy, or even possibly undercooking (which i have not, its usually overcooking) savory food risks, i used to be pretty on top of my cake makin'.

i havent made a cake in years, on my own i mean, so i dont know if i live up to what i say. whoopsie~!

but i made quite a few! the one i remember like a dream was the red velvet cake i made for my pastor. i think it was her birthday or something, and when she came to pick it up, i felt sad because i couldnt taste it. that good for nothing bitch didnt deserve my cake anyway. (there is a REASON! she threw some pretty mean things out towards my mom, im NOT just name calling for no reason, im too pussy.)

alot of the time, i made cookies too, but i burned the bottoms often. thank god for butter knives! i would just scrape it off and apologize, for the main reason that sometimes they were too crunchy. i've made some recently, and done just that. 

sometimes, well, a majority of the time, i do make a mess, but i clean it up just as quickly as i make it! a good cook cleans up behind themselves, right? dishwater?  on deck! towel? duh. broom in case i drop the food like a klutz? a few steps away from me. i am prepared.

there's times where i completely messed up meals my sister prepared. like the fucking mac n cheese and greens for thanksgiving last year! the noodles came out mushy (not super mushy but noticeably only to my sister) and i ripped the greens too small because i forgot they shrink when cooked (my brother in law liked them, and the flavor was there at least 🙄)

theres lots of moments like these where i fuck up food to no return to where im banned from the kitchen until im called to gather plates or something. 

like, the night before last i was making taco shells and i tried to flip it, it did but the side it flipped on had a little flap that bnt on its side and made it look like a duck's lips. tried to redeem myself by saying "duck lip tacos bring flavor, dont be pro duck lip taco shell." #duckliptacosareawesome)

but we learn from our mistakes, right?

(this is the moment where i leave off to publish this and i fuck up some more food later on tonight.)

or maybe its ziti night again which is just warming it up?

or airfryer night....uhm.

anyway, moral! please dont ban me from your kitchens, i might blow up your home but seconds from it going kablooey i can carry the finished food out and if it gets col we can use the fire of your house to warm it, uhhh i still fear oil because it pops and its mean, dont be pro duck lip tacos, my sister made hella good loaded ziti, i wish i could make omelettes.

because my brother makes really good loaded omelettes. 

i miss his cooking.

bye bye.