this charming man - j.k.

twelve

Tuesday went alright, I managed to stay out of Josh's way. He texted me once or twice, but I didn't answer. It made me so frustrated. I wish I could tell him, without telling him.

All I thought I would do was embarrass myself.  I'm so stupid for letting myself fall for him.

I didn't have to bring Jaylen to practice or anything, so I was able to steer clear of Josh. But man, I hated it.

I didn't think I talked to him that much until I stopped talking to him. I tried not thinking about him. Right now, I was cleaning my car to avoid my thoughts.

*

I walked through the halls on Wednesday trying to keep an eye out for Josh.

I walked to my biology class when I saw the familiar face make it's way through the crowd. I felt the breath disappear from my lungs.

He looked up and his eyes met mine. I felt so anxious and relieved at the same time. He kept them on me as we got closer. I couldn't look away from him. I tried to walk fast to get away, but that didn't stop him.

"Juliette!" He said cutting through the crowds of people. "Juliette, I need to talk to you."

I tried to not look when his arm touched mine. It sent shock waves through my body. I wanted to be able to feel that again so bad.

"Josh, I have to get to class." I said. He looked at my trying to decode me. I felt as I was doing the same.

"Please, just for a second." He said. I opened my mouth to speak when nothing came out.

"Mrs. Anderson, hurry up, we have to get started." My teacher called out.

"I have to go." I said. His face looked at me so confused as I looked back at him. He let his hand fall off my arm slowly. I forced my feet to move from where they felt stuck from.

I could feel him watching me as I walked towards the door. I thought I was going to throw up.

I sat through my test, Josh everywhere. I looked at the paper and only saw Josh. I just felt so sick about it. I didn't want to push him away, but that's all I felt like I could do. I didn't even wanna chance him not liking me back.

I was thankful this was my last class period of the day. I had to go to work after too, giving me a good distraction.

When the bell rang I raced out to my car. I wanted to get out of the parking lot before Josh could. I managed to get out with no sign of Josh. I still kinda wished I had seen him though.

I pulled into my normal parking spot at work. I checked my phone as I wasted my remaining time.

Josh
Juliette
Please answer me

I looked at it debating what to say or do. I felt so stupid, I wanted to talk to him. Why couldn't I just do it? So what if he doesn't like me back? He wouldn't shun me, at least I don't think he'd do that.

Hey

I waited impatiently to see his response. I wasn't going to reveal a lot, I didn't know how I even felt.

Can we talk?

I have work

The whole night?

Yes

Okay.

I watched as the three little dots moved. I felt like I should say more, but I didn't know what.

When can I talk to you?

I don't know

Juliette, whatever is wrong, I do not care. I want to talk to you.

I looked at the text. Everything my mind was saying contradicted that.

I'm sorry, I don't know what I'm doing.

What's wrong?

I don't wanna talk about it yet
I'm not mad at you though.

When do you think you will want to talk about it?

I don't know
I'll tell you when i know

I watched the phone waiting for a reply, but nothing came.

I lugged myself into my dreaded job to start my shift. The next 7 hours we're going to be the slowest.

*

I woke up on the Thursday morning. The weather was dreary. The birds weren't singing. My usual alertness was not there.

I laid in my bed staring at my ceiling as my clock ticked and my fish made little noises.

"Jule?" My mom asked quietly.

"Hm?" I managed to get out, my voice not awake yet.

"Why aren't you up?" She asked coming in fully.

"I can't walk." I said.

"What?" She said coming over to me alarmed.

"I can." I said. "I meant, I don't want to go to school."

"Why not? You never miss unless you have to?" She said. I forgot that I hadn't told her about Josh. I figured Jaylen did already.

"There's just been a little stress, and I think today would be a good day to skip." I said.

"I guess you can." She said. "This won't be an everyday thing. You are going tomorrow."

"Okay." I said. I was relieved she said yes. I felt like today was going to be terrible, school would only make it worse.

"You need to take Jay to school still." She said.

"Can't he just drive himself? Let him get some excitement in his life?" I asked. She looked at me with that face moms have. "Fine." I started to get out of my blankets as she left.

I sat in my house the rest of the day. I cleaned a little, watched movies, and laid around. Maya came over to my house after she got out of school. She wasn't very happy I skipped.

"Josh asked about you." She said.

"He did?" I asked.

"Yeah, he asked where you were. He came up to me in world history." She said.

"I think I need to talk to him." I said. "I mean we kind of did, but I don't know."

"I've been saying you need to talk." She said. "I'm sure you can talk it out. The fact that he's trying, says a lot."

"I know, I just really don't want him to feel awkward or just really not like me back. I hate rejection, that's why I never talk to any guy." I said.

"You can't be scared of that your whole life, you'll never be able to do anything." She said. I looked at her and let out a sigh. She was right, of course. I just really needed something to push me, but I don't think Maya was the 'push.'