this charming man - j.k.

fourteen

I pulled into school dreading every second of it. I thought I would feel better after talking Josh. That it would magically solve everything.

I don't think I was right.

I entered the school, I hadn't spotted Josh yet. I don't know if I was thankful for that.

I walked towards my 3rd period when I spotted him for the first time. My body jolted, everywhere. I watched him walk with his friends.

His eyes finally met mine. I gave him a little smile in hopes of getting something.

He gave me such a forced smile, it looked like a grimace. I felt everything inside of me die a bit. After he smiled, he immediately looked away and didn't look back.

I know I couldn't feel sorry for myself, I did it to him. Except, it hurt so much worse from him. He was always smiling somehow.

I knew that talking wouldn't immediately fix things, but I wasn't expecting him to look so grim at me. I wanted the emotion his eyes usually showed back. I wanted him to be happy to see me again.

It only hit me in 7th period that today was our first rehearsal day. I'd have be in the same room with Josh for an hour. I've done that before though, it should be okay, right?

I walked into the auditorium to see multiple faces. Nobody had noticed me until the director, Mrs. Harrison, spoke.

"There's Ms. Anderson, now we just need a few more people." She read off as she looked at her board. Almost all of them turned to look at me.

Except Josh.

He didn't even slightly turn his head. He continued to look ahead at the stage. I felt the same way I had earlier. I looked around for a familiar face.

At last, I spotted a girl who was in my journalism class. I walked over to her standing with one other girl.

"Hi, Sedona." I said.

"Oh, hi, Juliette." She smiled. I smiled at the girl beside her, who I failed to recognize.

"What's your part?" I asked.

"Hippolyta." She said. I don't know how she managed to say that correctly. "What about you?"

"Hermia." I said proudly.

"Oh, that's so cool!" She said. She was always so sweet. I hung out with her for the rest of the wait.

I couldn't help myself from sneaking glances at Josh. He wouldn't look at me. It was hurting me in a way I hadn't experienced before.

The last kids had showed up and we began to talk and go over our rolls.

"Okay, we're just going to do a run through of scene one, to get a feel of it." She said.

I watches as Theseus, Hippolyta, and Egeus, my father, talked while I waited for my part. I listened to Egues speak. I had heard these lines come from Joshs voice. It felt so weird to not speak to Josh now.

"...Demetrius is a worthy gentleman.

Hermia
So is Lysander.

Theseus
In himself he is,
But in this kind, wanting your father's voice,
The other must be held the worthier.

Hermia
I would my father looked but with my eyes...

As I read along, I glanced at Josh. His eyes were rested on me. I thought he would look away, but he didn't. To finally see him looking at me, made me stutter as I spoke. He stared at me, emotionless. I felt everything I did was showing how I truly was.