this charming man - j.k.

sixteen

We walked towards the path that emerged from the tree line. I had walked it before, so I kind of knew where I was going. I wanted to talk to her, alone.

It was so quiet it was almost intolerable. Everything I felt like I could say, disappeared from my mind.

"...why'd you stop talking to me?" She asked quietly. Neither of us had spoken, her words cut through the silence quickly. I took a breath trying to think of my answer.

"I don't know." I whispered. We walked along the path as our feet crunched the delicate sticks under our feet.

"I hate not talking to you." She said. She looked ahead as she spoke. She twirled her ring around her finger, the thin ring leaving an impression on her finger.

"I hate it too." I said. I went silent when I decided to say something, "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize." She said. "I did the same exact thing to you."

"But it's not fair that I did it to you." I said.

"It's not fair I did it to you either." She said.

"At least yours was justified! I just ignored you." I said. I could feel the tips of my ears slightly burning. I felt like everything depended on this moment. This determined how our future played out.

"Josh, how are you saying mine was justified, I flat out ignored you! I was a total jerk to you when you did nothing but be nice to me." She said, her voice rising for once.

I was silent for a moment gathering my thoughts. I always knew what to say, but when it was most important, I seemed to go mute.

"Juliette." I paused to look at her. "I don't care what you did to me. I care what I did to you. You don't deserve to be treated the way I did."

"Josh, would you think about yourself for once?" She said looking frustrated.

"I am."

"No, you're not." She said. "I was the one that ignored you. I was the one that embarrassed myself. I was the one that put you in an awkward spot. I was the one that screwed everything up!"

"Why do you want me to be upset with you?!" I asked as I stopped walking.

"I don't know, Josh! I just want you to do something." She said throwing her hands up.

"Tell me what you want and I'll do it, Juliette." I said.

"I don't know what I want." She said looking at me hopelessly.

"Say what you mean, Julie. Be honest with me." I said firmly.

"I want..." She trailed off, coming to a blank with her words. "I just want you to say something."

"Say what?" I asked.

"I don't know." She said.

"Yes, you do." I said looking at her eyes. I wanted her to be honest. I needed her to say what she felt so we could figure out what to do.

"Why did you stop talking to me." She said.

"I don't know." I responded, I felt like I had backed away but feet stayed planted.

"Josh, are you kidding me? You just told me to be honest and now your doing the same thing." She said.

"What am I supposed to say?" I asked moving my arms as if that was describing my emotions.

"Tell me why you stopped talking." She said. "I've told you, Josh. I told you I liked you for christs sake."

My mind was racing around in a circle as I looked at her. Her eyes looked at me expectantly. I couldn't tell her. This whole time, I've wished I could tell her. Now that's it's happening, I can't find my words.