𝐈 𝐂𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐆𝐞𝐭 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐎𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐌𝐲 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝

𝐒𝐢𝐩-𝐎

The world did get a bit brighter when the girls began getting close again for their own sake. Yuna initiated it, treating it as something more important than anything else, even training. She claimed it was because she knew everyone was struggling and hiding it, but she didn't want anyone to feel like they were the only ones.

She mainly referred to Ryujin.

"It felt like a slap in the face, losing Yeji Unnie and Chaeryeong Unnie all at once. No, not a slap in the face, a stab wound in the heart. Suddenly living without that light is so incredibly difficult. And in this program, emotions cannot get in the way, everything keeps going. We lost a mentor and a team member and were still expected to train the next morning at 7 am. I still remember that day, we all had puffy eyes, standing in a straight line ready to automatically hate Mentor Hwang. We're all so young, especially Yuna Unnie and me, we're treated like children, but we're expected to act like adults. We can't ever win. But when Yeji Unnie was our mentor it felt like we could win. I feel my confidence draining... just a bit."

"Well... I'm still in my youth and Yeji Unnie was the only one to really understand that. She never held it against me or cut me any slack, she just understood. She knows how harsh this program is on growing teenagers whose minds are programmed to rebel. She somehow always knew when I was getting overwhelmed. She somehow always knew what to say. And Chaeryeong Unnie... we always had each other's backs. She encouraged me in the things I lacked and I did the same for her. My days feel so empty now that I don't have an older figure to go to for advice, or someone to uplift, or another person to uplift me. No one could hit the spot the way those two could. And now I'm suffering, I want to love myself like I used to, but it's harder nowadays."

"Most nights I just pretend to sleep. I'm stuck in a loop of regret. I wanted to get closer to them both but always pushed it away because I thought I had so much longer with them. I took them both for granted. Right now, that's my biggest regret. They were right there, right in front of me, yet I didn't treat them the way I should've. I could've done better. Now I've lost every single chance. I could be a better person, but it seems like whenever I'm given the chance to be that person, I push it away. And I hate that."

"I've gone on and on already, my behavior changed so dramatically that I'm sure everyone knows how I'm feeling. I've been having thoughts about ending my own life. I was blaming myself, regretting things, feeling useless because I'm both in my youth and an adult at the same time. I'm not going to sugarcoat it. I hate myself. I hate the way my life turned out and I want to start over."

You could guess who's speech was whose as they sat on the floor in their room in a circle.

It's sad to know that they all ended their words with different ways of saying, "I hate myself."

Danielle went first, then Yuna, then Winter, and Ryujin went last. Ryujin wanted hers to be longer, but she was shocked because everyone had to say what she had prepared in her head already. Meaning she wasn't alone to think the way she was thinking.

They ended it all with tears and hugs, deciding to not drift apart anymore because of what they lost. Since they never knew what could happen, they decided to get closer and have nothing get in the way of it.

This would have made Yeji proud had she been there to see them come together on their own. They all knew Yeji would be proud, even if she couldn't tell them herself.

This week, Ryujin received and sent out another letter along with a gift for Yeji's birthday. They agreed to send more pictures this time. Yeji sent photos of how she spent her birthday and others that Lia took because she wouldn't stop talking about Ryujin. Ryujin sent pictures of herself and the others.