I sobbed quietly on the elimination stage. This had become my place of comfort; it's not like I had many other sites to choose from on the showgrounds.
I was curled up in a ball. Pretty pathetic, huh?
I cried to myself until I heard footsteps approaching and looked up. "Huh...?" I murmured, trying to wipe my tears away as fast as possible.
When the blur cleared from my eyes, I saw Fan standing there awkwardly. I faked a smile and said, "Hi! What's up?"
He looked at me disbelievingly before hopping up on the stage and putting a hand on my shoulder. "You are a terrible liar."
I sighed and smiled. "I've been told that before."
"Are you sure you're okay...? It's not like you have to be happy all the time, Lightbulb-"
"But I do!" I yelled, cutting him off. "There's so much tension in the air lately, no one else is happy! I have to be optimistic, I have to make others satisfied! If no one else is cheerful like me... if no one's here to help me be happy, what's the point though?" I put my head in my hands. "I have to please everyone else all the time. I feel like it's my job. I... I feel like I have to."
I sighed and pulled my knees to my chest. Fan studied me for a moment before beginning to speak.
"Look. I'm not the best at comforting, you know that, but... I'll try. It's not your job to please people, Lightbulb. I know it may seem like it is, but I promise you, you aren't. You're not- you're not at all responsible for anyone's happiness." He sighed and continued. "When I saw you blow up back there, I... I never knew you could get mad like that. I think it's from the stress you've been taking on lately."
I stared at him, tears filling my eyes. "I..."
He pulled me closer and hugged me. I leaned into him. "It's okay to cry. You don't have to be happy all the time."
I broke down and hugged him, crying silently into his shoulder. He pulled me closer and tried his best to comfort me.
We stayed like that for about 20 minutes until I started to drift off. Fan noticed, smiled at me, and leaned back so that I could sleep on him. And I did.
—FAN'S PERSPECTIVE—
Lightbulb had finally calmed down and went to sleep, and I was left to look at the stars alone. I wondered what to do until she woke up.
I pulled out my phone and scrolled through Twitter. I barely ever get on; I only do when I'm super bored and have nothing else to do.
I scrolled to a picture of Knife posing like an idiot and laughed before saving the photo and deciding to text him. I checked the time— it was only 12:48. He'd be up.
I pulled up his contact and typed, 'hey knife wya ??'
I waited for a minute or so before getting a notification of him texting back. 'walking somewhere outside. why do you ask?'
I took a picture of Lightbulb and I and sent it to him. 'relationship problems with paintbrush. i feel bad for her tbh'
He was texting back more consistently now. 'oh god. want me to come over?'
'if you don't wake her up, sure.' I shut off my phone and awaited his arrival.
While doing that, I looked at the stars again and smiled at myself, knowing that I had someone who cared about me. I don't know what I'd do if I lost him, or even if we got in a fight.
My thoughts of being a hopeless romantic were interrupted by footsteps. I looked up and saw Knife.
"Wow, that was fast," I said softly. He nodded and hopped up on the stage. I carefully leaned Lightbulb off me, to not wake her, and hugged him.
"What's up?" he asked, glancing at Lightbulb before returning his gaze to me. I leaned away and sighed. "Like I said, relationship problems."
He sighed and pulled me close. "It's good you're trying to help. She's been so helpful to so many people, I... she means a lot to me."
I nodded. "Me too."
We sat in a comfortable silence until I could hear the soft snoring that was Knife. I smiled and leaned into him, putting my hand on his and closing my eyes. And I smiled.
I felt peaceful, for once.
Quietly I tried to get comfortable. I leaned into Knife's warmth. It didn't work.
Eventually, I just gave up and stared at the stars. It was comforting, to say the least.
I looked up at the big, voided sky and wondered. What if I was up there, as a star?
I laughed at my little pathetic thought. We'd gone through so much. Now MePhone's back, and things got so confusing so fast. I felt so lost.
I looked at the grasslands that seemed to span infinitely. "I miss the way it used to be," I murmured, tightening my grip on Knife's hand.
A voice startled me. "It'll be okay, Fan."
I looked up to see Test Tube standing not far from the stage, Paintbrush running after her. She walked up to me and I turned away.
"What're you doing here?" I asked, glaring at her. She looked away guiltily.
"I know what we were arguing about was... unethical... but we-"
Paintbrush finally got to Test Tube's side and finished her sentence. "We realized what we were arguing about was pointless. It's okay now."
Test Tube nodded. I looked at them, and I said what I thought I couldn't.
"I can't forgive you guys yet."
Test Tube stared at me in a mix of shock and sadness. "Wh... but..."
I sighed and continued. "I know that you guys feel bad, and I don't discount that at all, but you guys have stressed her out so much. I thought you guys cared about her."
Paintbrush looked like they were seething. "I do care about her! We're dating, of course, I care about her!"
I stared into their eyes, unmoved. "Then why have you not considered you're hurting her?"
They started to speak but stopped. They looked at the ground guiltily.
"That's what I thought." I glared at them, then turned my gaze back to Test Tube. "I'll think about forgiving you both, but if Lightbulb forgives you, I don't know. I'm not her. I can't answer for her."
I turned my gaze away from them both to avoid seeing their hurt faces, guilt weighing heavy in my stomach. That was enough to make them walk away, their silhouette darkening in the distance as they got farther out.
That's when I let myself cry.
writers block go wee
