love me (me) [vkook/taegguk]

[part fifteen] chapter fifty eight - change

He doesn't tell him.

Hoseok thinks of no less than thirteen different ways (in that day alone) to finally tell Jimin how he feels about him... but he just... can't.

All his friends seem to hold the belief that he's being a coward. They have for months now, and he guesses that he can't blame them. At the same time though, he holds the belief that he's simply protecting his heart, and is that not reason enough for cowardice?

Because it's always going to be Jimin, is the thing. Jimin who is the light in his dark world because Hobi isn't always as happy and confident and okay as he likes to pretend that he is.

And Jimin– Jimin is the one who's always there to make him laugh harder than he does with anyone else. And Jimin compliments and praises him as much as he teases and always lets him know how much he adores and appreciates him. And Jimin encourages him to eat when he forgets to or just isn't up to it. And the two could talk for hours about nothing at all and everything all at once. And Jimin is warmth and contentedness and pure fucking love. And Jimin's his best friend, his safe space. And it may be selfish, but Hoseok can't imagine ever not having that– not having him.

So how can he tell him when telling him creates the possibility of that happening? Besides, even if he wanted to, he doesn't know how. He's not sure that he'll ever know how.

"So you're just never going to?" Taehyung's voice booms through tinny phone speakers, effectively sending ice through his veins in an instant. He scoffs in disbelief. "And I can't tell him either? He deserves to know. You can't tell me that you don't agree."

The slight commotion in the hallway of the dance studio had caught his attention as he was on his way to the restroom. Now, he's not so sure that he should be listening to this.

Slouched in a corner sits Vantae whom he watches groan out while dragging a hand through his hair in irritation. "See this is why I didn't wanna say anything about how I've been feeling. It's not that simple, Bear."

"Why not?" His twin demands over the FaceTime call. "Your withdrawals or whatever aside– It's Jeongguk, V."

"And that's exactly my point," the blond hisses, his words seemingly having stacks of desperation pushing them forward.

"What does that even mean?" So do Taehyung's.

"It means that of course I fucking agree, Tae," he huffs, shaking his head in a manner that suggests it's crazy that he'd even have to explicitly state that. "I don't wanna keep lying to him anymore than you do, and I wanna see him more than anything," he bemoans helplessly, "... but I'm not ready."

"Why?" He can barely make out Tae's bewildered whispering now. "I honestly don't see any harm in him knowing. Or even Seokjin-hyung."

"I... I don't wanna talk about this anymore, Taehyung." Vantae's eyes plead with his brother as his thumb hovers over the red end button. "Please don't tell him. Not yet." And he disconnects before the other can even think to rebut.

Hoseok hears a wince at his back, and he turns to find the source of his own woes leaning against the wall, uncomfortable expression set.

"You heard everything too, huh?" He queries quietly.

Jimin hums as they slip back inside the practice room. "I'm starting to get worried about them," he confesses. "Yoongi-hyung has been since he found out about the swap."

Hobi frowns. "How do you know that? And hold up, Yoongi-hyung?" He makes sure to emphasize the honorific. He doesn't recall the elder telling any of them that they could call him that– Except for maybe Namjoon as the two had spent more time talking when they'd all met up as they had bonded over music. "When did that happen?"

Jimin shoots him a shrug. "We started talking after that day we all met at the restaurant. He's so cool." He sighs kind of wistfully before swaying his head. "But back to what I was saying. Tae's apparently growing closer to Jeongguk by the day and drowning in guilt the deeper in he gets."

"That does sound like our Tae," Hoseok muses. He juts his head in the direction of the door that Vantae still hasn't walked back through as yet. "Should we try talking to our other Tae to see where his head's at right now?"

"Maybe later?" Jimin suggests tentatively. "Yoongi-hyung said he'd try. He'll let me know how it goes." He holds his phone up and flashes his screen for a second to display their conversation over DMs before releasing another sigh and pocketing the device. He reaches for his bag after. "What do you think about all this?"

Hobi can only shrug in response. "I just don't want them to fight or get hurt," he mumbles honestly.

Jimin doesn't look at him as he asks, "Do you think they should tell him?"

At that, he exhales deeply. "I think that some things are easier said than done, Jiminnie." He swallows, speaking from experience. "And we shouldn't push, right? That won't do any good."

The younger lifts his head then. Their eyes meet without warning. His next words make Hoseok dizzy. "Neither does keeping the truth from someone you love, hyung."

Suddenly, he feels as if he's being choked. He barely manages to get the words out. "Even if said truth could change the entire trajectory of your relationship with them?"

Jimin hums once more, slinging his bag over his shoulder. "What did RM say – Or better yet, Namjoon-hyung." He smiles a bit wryly. "Things change, people change, everything change. That's the world's shape." One more shrug. "That's the way things work, hyung. Essentially, what will be, will be. And I know that that's scary to think about, but it doesn't always have to be."

An indistinct buzzing sound fills the room then, and Jimin's face speedily lights up as he brings his phone back out. "Oh, it's Yoongi," he giggles in delight before squeezing his shoulder as a way of saying goodbye and exiting the room.

And Hoseok, left all alone, trembles because he doesn't know what to make of the last ten minutes, and he thinks that Jimin was wrong. The idea of change is not scary in the least– It's fucking terrifying.