Under My Protection

Chapter 4

Phayu stood outside Rain's door wondering if he would emerge today. Bun Ma had delivered his breakfast and gestured on her way out that Rain was still sleeping. Some days, usually when his parents were not home, Rain would wander around the house in his sweatpants finding various places to sit and read or play online games with Sky. Sometimes he would fall asleep, legs splayed in ridiculous positions across chairs and sofas. But he always set an alarm so he could return to his room before his parents came back.

On the days his tutors came, Rain would sit for hours in the room that had been converted for his homeschooling. The tutor would lecture while pacing the room or sitting across the table from Rain. Hours would pass and Phayu would watch Rain struggle to sit still and focus with no breaks except for the bathroom and lunch. Apparently, the tutor did not believe in breaks and talked at Rain for hours about mainly business management. He spoke quickly and quietly and Phayu could tell Rain tried to keep his attention on the tutor. But Phayu would see his gaze drift to the window, mesmerized by the rain or the birds in the tree. The tutor would notice and raise his voice, slamming his notes onto the table, causing Rain to jerk. "Rain! Focus. Are you so stupid that a bird holds your attention more than your studies?" Phayu would watch a quiet anger cross Rain's face, slowly replaced with a type of embarrassed sadness. He would bow slightly, "I apologize, I will focus now." Rain would begin biting at his lip or ripping tiny bits of paper from his notebook.

As time passed, Phayu was finding it more difficult to watch moments like these in silence. To watch Rain be constantly dismissed and disparaged. When on his own, Rain was a different person than when he was around other people, when he always seemed to be prepared to deflect an insult. In the moments with Bun Ma, Sky, or alone, Phayu grew to know a soft-hearted, humorous, smart, and gentle boy. He would compliment Bun Ma on her new hairstyle, listen to Sky's problems and offer reasoned advice, or lay in the garden grass reading books and listening to the birds.

Phayu watched Rain grow more comfortable with his presence and slowly noticed his defenses lowering. Rain began letting him see his soft moments, listen to his conversations with Sky, and sit with him to eat dinner. Trust was definitely developing which was Phayu's ultimate goal, however, he was left conflicted at every moment. Watching Rain all day every day stirred emotions in him that he didn't want to admit to. He was here to protect Rain. His employer was Rain's father, not Rain. When he reported weekly to Channarong, he felt deep guilt for sharing Rain's activities. He was asked if Rain was focusing on his studies, sleeping in too much, arguing, trying to sneak out, saying anything inappropriate on his phone calls with Sky. Phayu knew it was his job to respond honestly but it was growing increasingly more painful to do so. He imagined Rain knew he had to report his activities but that didn't make it seem less of a betrayal.

When he looked at Rain in these soft, quiet moments he wanted to smother him in his arms, kiss his head, and tell him it would be okay. That he would take care of him. Protect him from both outside dangers and his family. Promise that one day he would take him from this life. Start a new one. With him.

When these thoughts crept into his head he had to aggressively work to push them back to the recesses of his mind, attempting to trap them there, and failing. He should not be having these feelings for Rain. No relationship could ever exist between them except the one established by Rain's father. There would be no grand rescue of Rain from this life. No happy life with Phayu away from all this. For all he knew, Rain would be horrified if he knew Phayu's thoughts. He might retreat back into his shell, shutting Phayu out once again. So, Phayu attempted to keep some distance while being constantly lured into dinner conversations with Rain and watching Rain's eyes crinkle when he laughed.

A loud thump from Rain's room pulled Phayu from his thoughts. He opened the door and stepped inside, "Rain?" No response and no Rain. Feeling his panic rise, Phayu moved to check the window before hearing a groan from the bathroom. Without stopping to think, Phayu's body just reacted and slammed the bathroom door open.

Frozen. He was frozen. He couldn't move, react, or speak. There was Rain, clearly having fallen in the shower, and holding onto the wall as he stood. Rain looked back at him as Phayu's eyes traveled the length of Rain's body. Wet body. He was more beautiful than Phayu had imagined and he had spent a lot of time imagining. Water dripped from his hair, rolling onto his chest, clinging to his nipples. Phayu couldn't stop his eyes from going lower, to the firm planes of Rain's abs, lower, and still lower. Phayu wanted to slam Rain into the wall and lick the water from his body. Wanted to toss him over his shoulder and throw him on the bed.

Phayu slowly gained control, strapping those thoughts down, and moving his gaze from Rain's body to his face.

"I'm sorry, I thought something was wrong when I heard you falling. I didn't mean, I mean, maybe I shouldn't have..."

"Come in?" Rain asked softly.

Slowly, Phayu realized that Rain had not moved. Not covered himself. Not grabbed a towel. Not yelled at Phayu to get out. Nothing. He just stood there.

"Yes, come in. I thought something might be wrong. That you might be hurt."

"I fell. Stupid really. Hurt like a bitch. But I'm fine," Rain answered, eyes frozen on Phayu's. "Do you think you could pass me a towel?"

Taking a second to react, Phayu took the towel from the nearby hook, and stepping closer to Rain, held it out. Rain took the towel and began drying his hair, not bothering to cover his body. Phayu's body burned with the possibilities of what this all could mean. Did Rain want Phayu to look at him? Or was he just overly confident about his body? But, that didn't fit with the Rain he had come to know, who was filled with insecurities and doubt.

Phayu took several steps back, afraid to be so close to Rain.

"I'll just go, now that I know you are okay, I'll leave. Do you need a doctor? Are you hurt? I can send someone," words escaped Phayu's mouth but he barely knew what he was saying.

"No, I'm fine. Thank you P'Phayu," Rain replied, towel slowly moving down to rub at his neck and chest.

"Good. That's good. I'll just go then," Phayu turned and left the bathroom. Once back in the hallway, his breathing began to slow and his mind unclouded. What the hell had just happened?

Notes:

For those wondering, Rain is college-aged in this not high school. I realized I hadn't made that clear.