Under My Protection

Chapter 24

Outwardly, Phayu managed to maintain a distant, unaffected demeanor despite being filled with conflicting emotions. Part hesitantly hopeful. Part overtly terrified. Every moment his brain was filled with more thoughts than he could manage while still attempting to both appear to be doing his official job and at the same time be actively working against it. He knew that continuing to seem self–assured was critical at every moment but he had so many doubts threatening to overtake him. He worried at any moment he could be the reason everything failed.

Phayu still had not seen Rain, had spoken to him multiple times, but had not seen him. It wasn't safe for him to leave the compound in case he was followed. As time had passed, Phayu began to think Parkorn suspected Phayu knew more than he was sharing. But despite the occasional lingering glance, Pakorn's behavior towards Phayu remained the same.

Soon, Phayu knew everything would change. The beginning of the end had already started, the plan set in motion, and there was no return for them. No going back and changing things. They would either be free from Pakorn's control or find themselves exposed and, potentially, dead. Phayu had made peace with this outcome for himself. Had accepted this possibility which made it all the easier to move forward day to day. What left him frozen with fear was Rain not making it out of this unscathed. While Pakron would most likely not kill his only son, there was no limit to the other punishments that might await Rain.

So Phayu entered the compound's armory and began preparing alongside the other guards, trying to still his shaking hands. Phayu tried to focus on the task ahead instead of Pakorn, who would remain behind, sequestered from danger with several guards.

Feeling his phone buzz, he slipped it from his pocket and glanced down.

Ready

One word sent from a burner phone. Phayu swallowed deeply and stepped forward.

**************************************

Rain stood still, trying to keep from throwing up at the scene before him. He had always thought he would revel in this moment. Smile. Laugh. Scream loudly with joy. But instead he felt empty. Strangely unmoored from life as if floating euphorically on a cloud then looking down to realize what he lay on was a storm cloud, dark and angry.

He felt a small, soft hand slip into his, squeezing hard. Rain glanced at his mother who was gazing at him, reflecting back the same blank face as his own. The tiniest bit of comfort slid back into him, knowing his mother felt as conflicted as he did. Shouldn't he be happy? Shouldn't they be happy? He kept telling himself he should feel euphoric but the feeling didn't come. Just an empty abyss. No emotions at all.

He felt another hand curl into his as he closed his eyes. "Shouldn't I feel happy Bun Ma?" Rain said, absorbing more comfort from her than he had from his mother. "Why aren't I happy?"

After a brief pause, Bun Ma replied, stroking her thumb across his hand, "While a horrible man, who mistreated you your whole life, he was still your father, and it's okay to feel sad."

"But I don't want to feel sad for him."

"I know. But emotions are what they are. There are no right or wrong ones, only the ones you feel," Bun Ma answered, turning to wipe the single tear sliding down Rain's cheek.

Reopening his eyes, he stared at the scene before him. After returning home, Channarong and Bun Ma had reluctantly, upon his request, brought him to his father's office. His father sat in his desk chair, soaked in a pool of his own blood. The blood had seeped from the ragged, dark hole on his forehead, dripping down over his eyes, covering his nose, and entering his open mouth. His shirt, as well as the bookshelf behind him, was splattered with still slightly damp blood stains that were turning a deep brownish-red as they dried beneath the sunlight streaming through the window. His eyes, which were originally open, but had been quickly shut by Channarong once Rain entered, had stared through them as if weighing their guilt.

Pakorn had been left relatively vulnerable, only protected by a few guards at home, while the remainder stormed the house Rain had been kept in. By the time the guards had arrived, the house had been empty, no Rain, no Mai, and no Channarong. Phayu and several guards that had been loyal to Mai and not Pakorn, had taken care of those that remained loyal to Rain's father. Rain and his mother had waited under guard, hands joined, at Sky's house while Channarong had returned to the main compound.

Rain was relieved that it had been Channarong, not Phayu, who killed his father. Not that Rain would have blamed him but he thought Phayu would always carry a small bit of guilt for having killed him. Would have always remembered what he had done, even though it had been to protect Rain.

As Rain continued to stare at his father, unable to pull his eyes away, he felt Phayu's arms slip around his waist, settling across his stomach. Phayu softly kissed his ear, whispering so only he could hear.

"I think it's time to leave Rain. You've stared at him long enough. Please come with me."

Rain allowed himself to be slowly turned, and, after a brief moment spent burying his face into Phayu's chest, pulled gently out of the room, down the hallway, and into his bedroom. Quietly, as if sensing Rain was not yet ready to talk, Phayu led him into his bathroom, turning on the shower. He peeled each layer of clothing from them both and moved Rain underneath the cascading water.

The warmth of the water combined with Phayu's hands gently gliding over him slowly brought each contradicting emotion to the surface. Overwhelmed by feelings of joy, anger, fear, guilt, excitement, Rain began sobbing, ugly and loud. He could barely find his breath as Phayu pulled him close, letting him cry as he rubbed his back.

Once his tears slowed and his breath calmed, Phayu dried him off and covered him in a pair of pajama pants and one of Phayu's own t-shirts. Sitting on the bed between Phayu's legs as Phayu dried his hair with a towel, he pulled the shirt collar over his face, feeling completely surrounded by Phayu's calming presence. Was this what safety felt like? How it felt to be hopeful? Hopeful he had a future of his own choosing? A future that could include Phayu? Anxiety rippled through him with the addition of each new feeling.

Rain was pulled from his thoughts as Phayu tossed the towel on the floor, pulling him backwards, and underneath the covers. Nestled with his head on Phayu's chest, legs tangled, he closed his eyes, falling asleep with a slight smile across his face.

Notes:

So, this chapter was hard to write because I really wasn't confident on which way to go. At first, I thought I would write an action scene but that didn't feel right so I started over. I really didn't want to focus on what happened or how it happened but more on the aftermath and the emotions involved. Anyway, thanks for your continued patience. To those who have stayed with me through this long process, I really do appreciate all of you. Thank you.