Under My Protection

Chapter 19

Rain flinched as Sky described the pat down he'd received when coming to visit, complaining about how uncomfortable it was having someone else's hand skim his body without his enthusiastic permission. Rain tried to apologize, but Sky brushed it off stating he had expected it and understood why Rain's family found it necessary. When he said, "Well, it was the most action I've had in a while," Rain knew his friend was trying hard to cheer him up because he knew how Sky felt about people touching him.

This was the first time Rain had left his room, even though it had been three weeks since the incident. For Sky to be able to visit, he had to come out as Sky was still not allowed in his room. He decided to take them to the library since it had the most privacy. He still couldn't shut the door but it always felt small and safe in there to Rain. The garden and the entirety of the outside world was now off limits for Rain. He missed the smell of the flowers and the coolness of the breeze. He hadn't even been allowed to open his window. But realistically, he wasn't ready for either of those things anyway. He still spent his days in a constant state of heightened alertness, which was slowly driving his brain over the edge and his body into utter exhaustion.

But when Sky reached out to Phayu, asking for permission to see Rain, and his request had been granted, Rain knew he had to come out of hiding. He wished that Phayu had shared this information with him face to face, but instead Bun Ma had been instructed to let him know. Phayu was still not really talking to him. Rain had started coming to the door a week ago to take his food from Bun Ma. The first few days he tried to make eye contact with Phayu over Bun Ma's shoulder without success. Phayu either looked at the floor or down the hallway with an expressionless face. On about the fourth day of being ignored, Rain would greet Bun Ma and then say quietly, but loud enough to be heard, "Good morning, P'Phayu." "Hi P'Phayu." "Have a good night, P'Phayu." Having no choice, since he was being directly spoken to, Phayu had responded with a nod, simply saying, "Rain." Never a smile. Never a break on his face from what Rain assumed was disinterest. Could Phayu really have switched his feelings off so easily? Rain wanted to think not, but he wasn't sure how else to take Phayu's distance.

He had talked about it with Bun Ma, asking her opinion, sniffling, trying to control the tears wanting to break through. She had simply told Rain to give Phayu some time. That maybe he was traumatized too and was struggling with his feelings, just like Rain. The next time he had been unable to stop himself from sobbing inconsolably, dropping to the floor, "It hurts. When he ignores me it just hurts." Bun Ma had wrapped her arms around him, kissed him gently on the forehead, and whispered, "I'm so sorry" over and over until he calmed down.

"Rain!"

Rain shifted his head to look at Sky.

"Hello?" Sky said, waving his hand back and forth in front of Rain's face, just barely missing contact with his nose.

"Where is your head off to? Want to share?"

Rain simply stared back at Sky. Did he want to share? Did he want to open his mouth and let all the sad, dark things which had been residing in his head out into the world? Was he ready for someone else to hear them? What if Sky told him if he were Phayu, he would leave him too? What if he told him he probably wasn't worth all the trouble? Told him Phayu should leave and find someplace else, somewhere else?

"Is this about the kidnapping?"

Rain just stared back, saying nothing.

"Is it about P'Phayu?"

Probably sensing the small shiver which traced down Rain's spine, Sky continued.

"So, it's about P'Phayu. Okay. Well? Let's hear it."

Rain just sat there, still unsure if he wanted to share.

"Stop the debate in your head about whether to tell me and spit it out. C'mon," Sky said, poking him in the forehead sharply.