Under My Protection

Chapter 21

Phayu stared at his ceiling, waking from what could loosely be called sleep. The past week had been the first time he'd felt happy about the hard, sad excuse for a mattress he'd been given, feeling maybe he didn't deserve to be comfortable. Knowing that Rain was most likely out there in a far more distressing state than him, he felt compelled to live each day with the least needed to continue to exist and search for Rain. He'd barely slept. Barely eaten. He did manage to shower each day, but only with cold water, using it to jolt his mind back from the depths he was trapped in and also as one more way to remind himself he had failed. Failed and, therefore, deserved nothing good.

He spent each day working tirelessly with the other guards, Pakorn, and a team of some type of private investigators that Phayu didn't want to think too hard about where they were from or what their real jobs were. Spending each moment focused on how to get Rain back kept his dark thoughts mostly shoved into a corner of his mind, only to be let loose once he lay back down on his bed at night.

Now, still staring up at the ceiling, he kept his eyes open. Open because everytime he closed them his mind was filled with visions of Rain. Rain in pain. Rain frightened. Hurt. Hungry. Thirsty. Injured. Or worse. When images of Rain dead flooded behind his eyes, bile would rise in his throat, and he would rush to the bathroom to vomit. Sometimes, instead of returning to bed, he would just sit on the cold tile and cry.

Despite knowing he'd be the first of the team to rise, he dressed after taking his cold shower, and walked quietly towards the kitchen. After the first morning, without fail, Bun Ma would always be waiting for him. No matter how early he rose, she was earlier. He wasn't sure if she had always woken up this early or if she was doing it for Phayu.

He wasn't sure how he would get through each day without Bun Ma. He had started taking all his meals in the kitchen with her, partly for her support and partly to avoid everyone else. He would sit and wait for her to prepare everyone else's food as she talked about what she'd be making that day and if he had any requests. She'd talk about which flowers were blooming in the garden, funny things the household staff had done the day prior, what she needed to order for the pantry, along with complaining about her bad back and sore feet. Anything but Rain.

Then, while the staff distributed meals to the immediate family and served breakfast in the dining room for the bodyguards and private investigators, she'd slide a plate in front of Phayu, saying, "Eat. You need to try and eat something to have the energy you need for today." She'd then sit down next to him with her own plate and silently begin eating. He knew she waited quietly each day, waiting for him to start talking. To share his worry. To spit it out to someone. Someone who would help ground him before he started his day.

He would shove a few bites into his mouth, managing to chew and swallow despite his desire to spit it back out or simply push it around the plate instead of putting it in his mouth. But, Bun Ma would look at him so softly, eyes begging him to eat, he found it nearly impossible to disappoint her. So, each time, he would eat a little, until she moved her focus away from him and to her own plate.

Following the first day after it had happened, she had found him crying on his bathroom floor and made it her mission to tend to him the best she could. She couldn't really make anything better, not really. But she told Phayu she would take care of him until Rain's return, and she had, at least as much as Phayu would let her.

This morning had started the same as those over the past seven days; he had forced a few bites of egg down his throat, washed down with water. He pushed the plate away only to have it pushed back towards him as Bun Ma tutted at him until he ate a bit more. Realizing that was all she would get, she took his plate to the sink and returned to rub her hand slowly up and down his back as he buried his face in his arms, folded on the counter.

Then Phayu softly asked the one question he always asked of her, "What if we don't get him back?" He had only voiced that thought aloud to Bun Ma, trusting her with his innermost fear.

Bun Ma never responded with untruths or promised him things which weren't hers to promise. Never told him that they would definitely get Rain back. Never told him even if they got Rain back, he'd be okay. Never said Rain would return whole - either physically or mentally. Never told him everything would be fine, like everyone else did. Because she didn't know these things. So instead, she rubbed his back and told him the truths she did know.

"This is not your fault."

"You are working so hard to find him."

"He knows you are looking for him."

"He knows you won't stop looking."

"He is stronger than you think."

"He loves you."

"He knows you love him."

"Your love has been so good for him."

The list of affirmations, loving but firm, seemed endless. She repeated them each morning until Phayu was able to lift his head, wipe his tears, and turn to place a soft kiss on her cheek. Then he would walk to the control room, the base of their operations, forcing one foot forward and then the other, until he entered, always the first one to arrive.

Phayu began sifting through the long list of messages they intercepted each day from possible suspects. Shortly after everyone had arrived, also beginning the tedious job of scrolling through emails, listening to messages, and eavesdropping on live phone conversations, Pakorn entered the room, face inflamed, handing his phone to Phayu.

Phayu looked down to find an email open, outlining the terms if Pakorn wanted to see Rain again. The individual was requesting ransom, the amount of such size, Phayu wondered if even Pakorn could afford it.

"Give me ten minutes to calm myself, then I want options. Everyone is going to start giving me options, solutions," he growled, before exiting the room.

Surely this meant Rain was alright? At least for now? That is the hope that Phayu would hold onto, at least that is what he would tell himself until he could return to his room and ponder all the ways that might not be true.

Trying to focus on what solutions he could possibly offer when his mind was so scattered, Phayu noticed his phone ringing and, not knowing the number, excused himself, walking into the hallway, and then into a small alcove around the corner, before answering.

"Hello?" he asked, irritated at being interrupted from his efforts.

"P'Phayu?" came Rain's quiet but noticeably trembling voice.

"Rain?" he replied, trying to keep his voice down so the others wouldn't hear him. Upon hearing no further response, he tried again, "Rain? ..... Rain?"

"Well, I think that will be all I allow for today. I want you to know, Phayu, that you are my insurance that Pakorn doesn't play any tricks."

Phayu slid to the floor as the familiar voice hung up.

Notes:

Enjoy speculating whose voice it is. Several of you have already written your thoughts so I'm curious what everyone thinks. Thanks for continuing to read my story. Much love to all my wonderful readers.💜💜💜