Hold My Hand || J.Seresin

Chapter 5

We lay in bed, catching our breaths. The window was partially open, bringing in a cool breeze. It felt amazing against my sweaty skin. Jake shifted to lay on his back. His arm stretched over my head. A silent invitation into his embrace. Jake and I weren't a couple; we'd never really defined what we were, but we'd gotten over the "have sex and then leave" years ago. Sometimes it felt like friends with benefits, and other times it was like we were dating. We were only friends in private though. No one knew about us; to the outside world, we pretended to dislike one another. Mostly me to him as he tended to be a bit of an arrogant asshole.

I took the invitation, just as I had so many times before, and rested my head against his shoulder, feeling his arm wrap around my back, like a protective shield.
"So do you want to tell me about the mission or should I guess?" Jake asked, his thumb tracing a pattern along my side.
"I'm really not at liberty to say. I won't be part of the training, but I do know what it is."
"Not at liberty to say," Jake joked, trying to mimic my tone. "Look at you, Lieutenant Commander." There was a wide smile on his face. The promotion wasn't recent, but considering it happened between the last time we saw one another and now, it was new-ish to Jake.
"I know I messaged you about it, but you deserve an in-person congrats."
"Thank you." I told him, feeling a small blush creep onto my face. "I'm still not telling you though." He shrugged his shoulders, accepting that the answer would have to be enough.
"It's good to be back in the states." He said.
"Where were you stationed again?" I asked, shifting slightly to look at him better. Jake responded to my movement, sliding his hand further up my back. I could feel the slight pulling of a piece of my hair.
"Greece, Souda Bay."
"That explains your tan then." I chuckled lightly. My hand came to rest on his abs, feeling the warmth and strength there. "That's where you got the confirmed kill. That was what, over a year ago? Has it really been that long since you've been back?"
"In the states, yes. But we met up in Greece for a week. You'd been in Spain for the yearly Top Gun presentation."

My mind flashed back to our brief time together in Greece. It started out wild, with clothes flying and needing to have each other regardless of where we were. And then, just like clockwork, we settled into a rhythm. Dining out together, dancing, seeing the sights. It was one of the few times since my accident I've been able to not worry and just enjoy the opportunity in front of me.

The cool night breeze blew the light shawl I'd wrapped around myself. The city was still so alive, but if you looked past it, you could see the calm of the ocean. It was mesmerizing seeing something so peaceful amidst the bustle of nightlife. A strong pair of arms wrapped around me, cocooning me in warmth. He pressed a light kiss to my shoulder.
"We should stay here longer." Jake whispered, maintaining the tranquility.
"You know we can't. I've got to be back in North Island ready to go in two days and you have to be back in Souda Bay." He sighed, squeezing me closer to him.
"I know."
"There's something I want to tell you." I said quietly, turning in his arms. My nerves sparked to life; I hadn't been planning to tell him now. I don't even know if I was ever going to tell him.
"Everything okay?" Jake asked, sensing my apprehension.
"Remember how I told you that my dad asked me to not fly planes anymore."
"Yeah, and I wasn't a fan of it then either." His grip on my waist tightened slightly.
"Well, about 2 years ago, I asked Uncle Ice, er Iceman, if he would put it in the order for me to take one of the jets up for a test."
"You went flying?"
"I've been flying since then actually. I take the jets up for testing between each round of Top Gun. When I made that promise to my dad, the trauma was still so evident that I thought it wouldn't affect me in the future by not flying. But then it did, and I completely lost sight of what my purpose was. Testing the planes, even if I'm only in the air for a few minutes is enough." Once I started talking about it, especially with Jake, it was surprisingly easy.
"That's amazing!" He expressed, pulling me into a hug. My head tucked into the space between his shoulder and his neck. He smelled of cinnamon, cognac and a little bit of a sweat. While it might seem weird to like the smell of someone's sweat, Jake was always working out, regardless of it being for a Navy mission or something else. It was just a part of who he is.

He kissed me quickly, a huge smile breaking out onto his face.
"You could complete the program. We always talked about going on missions together. That could happen now." He was so enthusiastic. I hated that I faltered, my face slipping.
"I don't know, Jake. I already broke the promise to my dad. I'd have to involve Iceman again to get my orders changed."
"The Admiral is like family, hell, you call him Uncle Ice. He'd let you complete the program. I see how unhappy you are. You have an opportunity to change the situation. If you told your dad how this has affected you, he'd understand." I shook my head,
"You don't know my dad, Jake. He's not like that." Jake was trying to find a retort. I placed my hands on his biceps,
"I don't want to argue about this. I just needed to tell someone. Right now, flying the planes is what I can give. Let's not let this affect our last night."

I started walking backwards, grabbing his hand lightly and pulling him along with me. The more steps we took, I could see Jake's resistance wear away. When I pulled the shawl off and slipped out of the silk chemise I'd been wearing, any hesitancy was gone. He had me on my back in seconds.

"What were you thinking about?" Jake asked, pulling me out of the memory.
"Our last night in Greece."
"That was a good trip. Maybe we'll get to go there again." I couldn't help the wave of sadness that rushed over me. I'd been promoted in the Navy, but I was still stunted in North Island. I didn't go on missions that took me out of the country. My eyes focused on my hands, hoping my emotions wouldn't give me away. Jake knew me better than most though.
"I didn't mean for it to be a sad thing, Lil." That nickname brought a smile to my face; he was the only one who called me that. "There's a smile." Jake responded, a lightness in his voice. He placed a finger under my chin and lifted it, so my eyes met his.
"You are not stuck here, Lila. You were promoted because you're valued. Just because you're not flying a fighter jet, doesn't mean that you don't have more to offer to the Navy. I know that, and clearly the Navy knows that." The smile on my face grew slightly.
"Thank you. I know you're right." Jake would never understand how much his words mean to me. He might not understand my decision, but he respects it, he respects me.
"Of course I'm right, darlin'." I shook my head at the slight Texan accent that came out.
"We should sleep, cowboy. Training starts tomorrow." I told him, rolling onto my side. He pinched my sides at the nickname, but still pulled me into his chest, tucking an arm around my waist.