Why am I Alive?

Chapter One

I could only see her hands, her nails painted blue. The shade of blue I liked, that was probably the reason I caught her sight. Her hands covered her face, as if she was hiding herself from everyone around the coffee shop. I looked away, staring was not my thing. Instead, I stirred my coffee to distract myself. I looked up again before picking up the cup, just then she moved her hands away from her face. Her cheeks were red and her eyes were showing the restlessness of the whole night, she was probably crying. It hurt to see someone cry like that. I mean, what could have happened?, what could've gone wrong that she sat there, in the coffee shop, and was crying about it? She wiped her tears and stared at her cup of coffee. I looked at her, trying to figure out why she was crying.

She was not beautiful, she was far from being beautiful. She was something else, someone else. I was a nerd, a weird one. Right now, I just wanted to get to know her, not because she was beautiful and all. Just because I wanted to know if maybe I could help her somehow.

But yeah, talk about my skills in messing things up. I was as hopeless as she was right now.

'Yeah dude to hell with you and your thoughts, you don't even know where she is. So shut up' I shouted at my brain. I did that all the time. It kept on playing games and giving me puzzles I couldn't solve without its help.

I saw her get up, and I intended to follow her. That was the least I could do. Maybe I could help her. I thought, maybe she planned to jump off a building, maybe I could stop her. Maybe she wanted to kill herself, and I could just try and save her. There's always a 'maybe' in life.

She walked into a book shop. Which was my 'heaven'.

Wait, I thought, did she plan to read, '50 ways to kill yourself'

My imagination ran wild. I could see her laying dead in a coffin. I was already thinking about what she would look like dead.

She walked to the best seller aisle. Now that was out of the blue. Maybe she had something in her mind, something I didn't.

She picked up a book, I did the same, trying to look normal. So, the book I picked up was from some new author, who made his way to fame, well,yeah, these people do exist and I am not one of them, sadly. Well I always wanted to see my writing out here, on these shelves. I read the plot of the book and yes it did want me to go for the book. I decided without wasting another second that this book should be a part of my shelf. I had money in my pocket so before they'd be wasted on food, I decided to put them to a good use. Although I love food. It was always me, food and my books. That was it. Well, maybe we should just subtract me. I made my way to the counter knowing the place like the back of my hand. I was already reading the first page as I moved forward, then...

There was a blast.

A loud 'thud'

I heard books fall on the ground and as I got back to 'what the hell happened here?' Someone was down at my feet, picking up the scattered books, I went down too, but by then she was already up.

"I am sorry" I said

"It's alright, I was reading" she said, and that was when I looked up at her and I remembered why I was in this book shop. Before doing anything else, I scanned the title of the books she had in her hands. They were all fictional books, nothing about death or ways to die.

"Umm. Yeah me too," I said. "I'm sorry." I literally sucked at socializing or even talking.

She smiled "Hey.. It's alright."

She was beautiful up close, and I realized she was more beautiful when she smiled.

" Umm... By the way, I read that book, its boring, " I said, pointing at the book she had on top.