Why am I Alive?

Chapter Twelve

"I don't know what to do" Alyna said as she sat on the couch with me, just a few hours away from meeting her brother.

"You don't have to do anything just get up and wear a fresh pair of jeans, a beautiful shirt. Get in that car of yours and you won't even have to drive, I will, and..."

"You make it sound so easy" she says holding her head in her hands.

"Because my sweet little strawberry, it is easy" I said, "so, get up, it's a long drive to get there." She looked at me.

"You're aware of the fact that I love you. Right?" I smiled. "Umm, not really," I pretended.

She got up and looked down at me "Well Isaac, I love you." I did nothing but stared at her hazel eyes looking down at me and I wondered who could have been colorblind to not see them, to not see the innocence that resided within them and not fall in love with her, instead to bring tears to her eyes, "Are you coming or what?" she asked and I realized, she was saying something.

"Yeah, I'm sorry what were you saying?"

"Help me, what should I wear?" she asked

"Anything."

"Oh wow" she rolled her eyes and grabbed my arm. "Get up." And I did, she pulled me into her room. I had never been there before, and like the rest of the apartment, the room was too well kept, clean and beautiful,but something did disturb me, someone, another guy, had been in this room and went too far, more then I could. More than I wanted to! The fact that someone will always be there, was disturbing me now more than I thought it would. She pushed me on the bed, telling me to sit and opened her closet. Her back was to me and I wanted to run away.

"Black shirt?" She asked, pulling out one and showing it to me

"Yeah, okay." I said trying to smile. "What about red?" She pulled out another shirt.

"Okay" I said. My mind still not on the track. She walked towards me.

"What's wrong?" she asked,as she sat beside me

"Nothing" I said trying again to be normal.

"What's wrong?" she asked again.

"God, its nothing, Alyna. I just told you that," I said, a bit louder. She didn't say anything after that, instead she just looked right at me.

"I'm sorry," I said after a while. "The black one will look good."

"Alright." she got up and walked to the bathroom.

I got up and walked out of the room. Once out, I could breathe better, I didn't know how suddenly everything disturbed me. I wanted to smoke so bad to get everything straight; sadly, I had left my pack at home and now, I was cursing myself for that. But I had money and I could just buy a pack and that was what I decided to do that instant. I was just crossing the lounge, when she got out of her room.

"Let's go" she said

"Okay" I said "I'll be outside."

I didn't wait for her to lock down her house. I ran down the stairs and into a little shop beside her apartment.

"A pack of Marlboro Lights please"

The shopkeeper smiled and scanned a pack, picking it from the counter beside him. I paid for it and got out, luckily I had a lighter with me. I always kept one, it was a gift from a close friend of mine who died 3 years ago. I kept it as a good luck charm, I lit the cigarette, as I got out of the shop and finally took (inhaled) the smoke . I was aware of the fact that it did nothing, but it was my only choice. She appeared and I walked to her, she saw the cigarette in my hand and gave me 'the look' but I didn't care to give it a thought.