Prodigal Son

chapter 19

"So you just left?"
"What was I supposed to do, Graham?"
Kade paced around the mainland center, scowling Into the phone.
His free hand was clenched into a fist, so tight the knuckles had gone white.
"I don't know, talk to him?!?! Kade! You're just repeating what caused this in the first place!"
Kade practically growled.
"I KNOW!!! GOD. I KNOW."
"Kade! You saw the scans. Dissection of the implant and further examination of Cody's brain patterns tells us everything."
"Graham. Don't say it. Don't say it, okay? I've heard a MILLION TIMES."
Graham's response was filled with bite.
"Then you better be ready to hear it a million more, since clearly, you aren't getting it. Cody attacked us because his feelings were real."
Kade pinched his brow, his breath hissing out slow and hard.
"I know, okay?!?! That tin can rewrote his brain to magnify his worst impulses. Basically every horrible thought Cody has ever had across his entire life was magnified, completely taking over. Don't you think It's drilled into my brain by now?!?"
"Then why did you leave? Kade, he needs us!"
Kade sighed, his grip so tight on his phone he was worried the screen would crack.
"Graham, you don't get it!"
"Then help me understand instead of just... Avoiding it!!"
Kade felt his breath heave, his hand shaking.
".... You didn't see what I saw, Graham. When it was us in the tunnel... He scared me. Swear to God, Cody scared me. I thought he might kill me. Let me clarify, I wasn't afraid of dying. No, I'd give my life for his in a heartbeat. No... I was scared he'd have to live with it."
"Kade. I get you're scared. But-"
"No buts, Graham! I just... Think it's better if I'm not there, okay?"
Kade rubbed his head.
His eyes burned, his fingers pressing deep into his temple.
".... Graham. All that darkness inside him, all that hate? It came from me. His whole life, I went out of my way to oust my kid brother from rescue missions. I... I'm a monster, Graham. When I looked into his eyes, and thought he might kill me... I knew I deserved it. But I just didn't want him to live with it."
The call went silent.
Kade felt his breath tighten, his stomach churning and boiling, feeling deeply Ill from the emotions that just escaped him.
"... Kade-"
Before Kade even realized what he was doing, he hurled his phone across the room with as much force as possible.
It smacked hard against a wall, leaving an audible shattering noise as it fell.
Kade gasped, then suddenly felt all his strength leave at once.
He stumbled back, then collapsed to the floor, slumping against a leg of the table holding Heatwave.
He didn't deserve to be near his brother.
Not when his pain was all his fault.
-
Doctor McSwain carefully unraveled the bandages around Cody's legs.
The skin had blistered, angry and sore from the deep burns.
Frankie winced at seeing the damage for the first time, guilt once again panging.
However, Doctor McSwain's focus wasn't actually on the wounds.
"Cody, you're telling me you can't actually feel this?"
Cody shrugged, his eyes hollow.
"... I .. don't know how to explain it... I can... But... I also can't..."
"Can you move your legs for me?"
Cody hesitated a moment, then carefully flexed both legs.
The doctor frowned, then slowly leaned in, prodding one of the blisters.
"Feel anything?"
"... No..."
Charlie's went wide with concern.
"What's that mean, Doc?"
Doctor McSwain sighed, and her eyes softened.
"I'll need proper testing to truly know the extent, but... It appears Cody has nerve damage, rooted to his pain receptors. For now, I'm unsure if they just need time to heal, or if the nerves are actually shot."
Cody's head bowed, everyone shooting worried looks at one another.
Doctor McSwain patted Cody's shoulder, trying to smile softly as she changed the bandages.
"Hey, it's not all bad. Your motor functions still seem to be working. The muscles are sore, but with the right physical therapy, you should be up on your feet in a decent amount of time."
She looked over at Charlie, announcing,
"I'd like to keep him for a bit longer. Both observation, and just trying to patch him up as much as possible."
He nodded, and she smiled at Cody, then left.
As the door closed behind her, an uncomfortable silence setting over the room.
Charlie, Frankie, Dani, Graham, all looked over at each other nervously.
Finally, head still lowered, Cody sighed.
"You want me to talk about it, don't you?"
Charlie hesitated, then sighed, taking a seat next to the bed.
"... Son... We just..."
Graham tried next.
"Buddy... What he means... We'd like you to tell us how help you."
Dani nodded, adding,
"Yeah, Cody. We just want to help you, promise. But, If you want to talk about anything, if it'll help you, then feel free to do so."
Cody didn't answer, instead rubbing a hand through his hair.
"... It hurts, you know. It hurts to think about."
He looked up, his eyes narrowing.
"Kade's not here."
Everybody looked at each other frantically, unsure of how to respond.
"... I scared him, I think. Or he hates me for what I've done. He can't stand being around me, can he?"
"Cody, he-"
"I know.... He needs time. This family's never handled emotions great, so why start now?"
The sarcasm dripping from his words caught everyone off guard.
He chuckled, low and bitter.
"I just can't forget it, you know? Boulder told me once, it was proven by psychologists that the more you try to forget something, the more the brain tries to remember. But... Maybe I shouldn't forget this. Maybe I shouldn't forget the way I felt."
His eyes narrowed as he took a deep breath.
"Maybe I need to remember."
Frankie slowly reached forward, grabbing his hand.
"The pain?"
Cody sighed, his expression softening.
"... No..."
"... You mean... How good it felt, don't you?"
Cody only nodded.
Graham recalled the notes made by Team Science.
"That was what it wanted, actually. That implant in your neck was connected to your nervous system. It tampered with your brain chemistry, and gave you false euphorias. Cody, you have to understand. I know how guilty you feel, but you were entirely the victim here. That good feeling was supposed to make you dependant on the Moor-Bot, to make you completely reliant on it for safety and security, as well as tricking your morals into thinking you were doing the right thing."
Cody digested this information, and his shoulders slumped.
"... The moments before everything... It's all so fuzzy... but I can remember some things so clearly... So, so clearly.."
He closed his eyes, his grip on Frankie's hand going tight.
"I remember it bursting through the floor... I remember... Panic... So, so much panic. It grabbed me, I was scared. But... But then... It's just... Gone. Everything just... Fades out. But... It comes back. And it's different."
He looked up, his eyes hollow as he met everyone's gaze.
The bags under his eyes somehow seemed more pronounced than usual.
He looked tired.
Broken.
"It felt like a nightmare. But once everything came back... I felt... Different. And suddenly it wasn't a nightmare. It was a fantasy."
-
Heatwave cautiously stepped around the forest clearing, really trying to take it all in.
Red.
So much red in nature...
The yellows, oranges, and reds of the leaves. The colors of the sky. The scarf wrapped around Cody's neck.
So much red.
So much of his color.
It was like this world was built just for him.
..... Something was wrong....
"What's wrong?"
Cody got up off the ground, the leaves crunching around him as he stepped closer.
He played with the end of the scarf, his expression concerned.
"Are you okay?"
Heatwave glanced at him, and sighed.
He was being ridiculous...
"... It's.. Probably nothing, kid."
He felt better, seeing Cody. He was.... comforting.
Nature has never been his interest. Standing in the woods for hours at a time, gazing at trees? No thanks. That was definitely more up Boulder's alley.
Yet....
He had to admit, this felt... Safe. Truly comforting in a way he couldn't explain.
Without thinking, he extended his palm.
A large red leaf floated down into it. A maple leaf, almost as red as his paint.
"Pretty, aren't they?"
Cody held one too. But unlike his, it was a smaller, oval shape, a bright yellow color.
He couldn't help but chuckle.
Yellow, like the blonde of his hair. Like the sunshine in his soul.
Yellow, such a cheerful, innocent color. Bright, illuminating. It suited him. Seemed to call to him.
"Yeah, I guess so."
Maybe he was content.
Maybe he could just stay, letting the reds and yellows claim him.
Maybe he could just stay here.
Maybe he could just indulge in this fantasy.
-
Cody's hand trembled in Frankie's grip.
"It felt like I'd been gifted new eyes. Like I was seeing something special, forbidden. Like... I... was special... And... And suddenly everything was different."
His voice trembled, guilt seeping in.
But it had a twinge of bitterness.
"... I felt alone... I felt so alone... sometimes... Sometimes it feels like I've spent my whole life trying to prove I belong in this family. But... I just couldn't keep up. It's hard, you know! Having a family legacy this huge! An ancestor that literally founded the town, his  wife was a reformed pirate, great grandpa was a famous sea captain, and you? The famous Burns Family Of Heroes."
Guilt panged at the older Burns.
Dani, Graham, and Charlie all exchanged a look.
"... So... Who am I?"
The bitterness was strong now. It had bite, rage.
".... I just wanted to be like you all... I just wanted to be like you... I thought that if I was like you... I might finally feel like I belonged here. Like I deserved to be here. But... But it was just... NEVER. ENOUGH."
Everyone flinched at the increase in his tone.
"... I understand, protecting the island is more important than I'll ever be. I understand, okay? But... But .. but Is it wrong to just.... Want my family, once in a while? Is wrong that sometimes, I wish none of us were rescue workers? I... Sometimes I just wish that... That we were... Normal, or something. Because if it wasn't on you to save the island... Maybe I wouldn't be so alone..."
He trailed off.
His eyes burned.
He just didn't have the strength to look up at them.
Guilt clawed at him. Old guilt, new guilt, it was all the same.
It was all the same.
He was selfish then.
He was selfish now.
Eight years old, fourteen, it was all the same.
"... I just wanted us to feel like a real family, whatever that even means... I didn't want to be home alone anytime you got a call. I used to sneak out of the firehouse, you know! Nobody ever caught me! I used to sneak out and watch you. I just took the tunnels, then I could be back before anybody even knew I was gone. Not that anybody ever noticed. Why would you? What do I matter?!"
Charlie rushed forward, grabbing his shoulders.
"Son, listen to me. Of course you matter! Of course you're part of this family!"
Cody gasped for breath, emotions choking his thoughts.
A tear rolled down his cheek.
"Then why did it take me becoming a SUPERVILLAIN to get you to say it?"
Charlie couldn't answer.
Nobody could.
-
"It's nice, out here. Quiet. Peaceful."
Heatwave stared at the leaf in Cody's hand, the boy smiling as he added,
"I thought you'd like it. You seem like you could use some peace."
Heatwave gazed at his own leaf.
"Yeah, I guess so... But... I have to ask, how did we get here?"
Cody didn't answer, instead opting to motion around, leaf in his hand.
"Do you remember that book I had to read, for school?"
Heatwave frowned, but shrugged.
"Which one?"
"The Outsiders."
"Oh, yeah."
Again, this was really more up Boulder's alley. But he had remembered this one. They'd watched a movie based on it.
"Why're you thinking about that?"
"I dunno, I just am."
Heatwave stared again at the leaf.
Yellow...
"Hey, what was that quote? That the one kid said to his friend?"
Cody thought for a moment, then nodded.
"Stay Gold, Ponyboy."
"Right... Right... I never understood that, to be honest. They made a whole point that nothing gold can stay, that nothing can stay perfect. But then he tells him to stay Gold, which means staying perfect. I just don't understand."
"I don't think it was telling him to be perfect, he was telling him to not lose himself. He was telling him to stay true to who he is, even when the world tried so hard to take it from him."
Heatwave contemplated this, then nodded.
"Yeah, yeah. That makes sense."
"It wasn't that Ponyboy always needed to be this... Perfect image. He just needed to be true to himself."
Heatwave thought deeply on this.
He looked around, truly observing this world.
The reds, the yellows.
The boy smiling at him.
Stay Gold.
Gold.
It seemed interchangeable with the yellows.
Gold like the boy's hair.
The leaf in the boy's hand.
Stay Gold.
Heatwave looked around.
The strange feeling came back into his processor.
That strange itch that he was forgetting something important.
Something vital.
".... Stay Gold...."
Then.
He knelt down.
Cody looked confused as Heatwave gently touched his shoulder, his optics wide, hesitant.
".... Heatwave?"
Heatwave sighed.
-
Cody rubbed his eyes, the bitter feeling stinging him deeply.
"... I know. I know how selfish it is. I know that when you all have so much responsibility, I'm the afterthought. I love that everyone helps the island, honest! Honest! But... It hurt. So much. And it just got bigger over time. It grew. And grew."
Dani's knuckles were white from her clenched fist.
"The Moor-Bot made that pain go away. It... It did what we should've."
The hollowness in Cody's eyes shuddered.
".... It didn't make it go away. It made it grow. And it poisoned me. .... I felt happy. So, so happy... Because it felt like somebody wanted me. But... I feel so.... I don't even know."
Frankie patted his shoulder.
"The fantasy broke. Reality set in."
Cody looked at her, the bite in his tone softening.
"... But I don't think it did. Not yet, anyway..."
He suddenly leaned back in the bed, rubbing his eyes.
"... I can't make the pain go away. I can't forget what I did. What I tried to do. What I wanted to do."
Reality hurt.
But that tainted fantasy hurt even more.
-
"Heatwave?"
Heatwave gently used his thumb, rubbing the side of Cody's cheek.
"... Kid... I want to tell you.... You are one of the most important things to ever happen to me. .... I would be in a far worse place without you in my life."
Cody looked worried, the hand with the leaf dropping to his side.
Nothing gold can stay.
"Heatwave, you're scaring me!"
He rubbed Cody's face, then sighed again.
It was deep, seemingly coursing through his very spark.
"... Cody... I have to go."
"... Aren't you happy here? Aren't you happy... With me?"
Heatwave picked him up, cradling him close to his chest.
".... More than you could ever know... Kid... Seeing you here... Seeing you safe... It's perfect. It's..."
He placed Cody back on the ground.
That damn leaf.
"... It's gold."
Heatwave's hand went to the scarf around Cody's neck.
"This isn't Real."
He pulled it away.
And the blood dripping down the boy's neck made him remember.
Red, it was everywhere.
It seemed to consume everything.
Tears started streaming down Cody's face.
".. why...."
The yellow leaf in his hand suddenly wilted, rapidly turning to a a brown, scrunched up mess in an instant.
The red was different now.
Like the lights on chase's siren, it was loud, abrasive.
Then Heatwave reached out to the crying boy.
And suddenly Blue infiltrated the scene.
Bright neon blue Energon dripped down his palm, running from his arms.
Heatwave gasped, his optics slowly drifting to his cab.
And he remembered.
"....Primus...."
Heatwave heaved for breath.
The bleeding flares of red lashed out and flashed out at him, screaming.
This perfect little world was collapsing in on itself, caving, dying.
Heatwave closed his optics.
Nothing Gold can stay.
-
Life exploded into the inert Autobot.
Heatwave bolted up on the table, gasping and heaving.
Noise scratched at his audio receptors, light clawed at his optics.
The world seemed so pained and unforgiving.
Three sets of hands forced him back down.
"Heatwave, Heatwave can you hear me?!"
"Easy, he needs to readjust."
"Please, do not struggle."
Heatwave was eased back.
Things seemed blurry, but slowly focused slightly.
Prime hovered just above him.
"... S... S-Sir....."
"Heatwave... Thank the All Spark..."
Blades popped over, almost vibrating.
"Oh.... Oh thank Primus... Heatwave... I was so worried... We were all so worried..."
Heatwave groaned, pain from his cab demanding his attention.
"H... Ho...w... Long..."
A third bot popped into view.
"Five days."
Blades gently gripped his arm, almost bursting from news.
"Heatwave, Cody's okay! He's okay! You saved him. You saved him. He was in a coma too, but woke up two days ago."
Heatwave felt his tension melt.
The words bounced around, his spark pulsing.
"... He .. he's... He's okay...."
He remembered it all now.
He could remember it all.
The last moments before he passed out.
The fake world.
"Heatwave, are you okay?"
Blades gently nudged him, his concern returning.
"Heatwave?"
"Heatwave, can you hear us? Are you okay?"
Heatwave raised his hand, going to his neck.
The jacket was gone.
He thought about the boy he'd left behind.
The promise he'd asked.
And the epiphany of the fantasy.
"Heatwave, are you okay?"
Heatwave took a deep breath.
".... I don't know..."