Natasha Romanoff x Reader Oneshots

remember me

I wrote this a while back but never published it and this is so shitty but here you go anyways
tw: mention of suicidal thoughts?
word count: 1k
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Nat's POV

As I jumped off that cliff I wasn't even scared.

I fantasised about death a lot- when I was punished in the Red Room, when the blood was dripping off my feet, when I banged my head against the wall of my cell, hoping to finally pass out, when I was tied to a table and about to finish the graduation ceremony, when I lay in bed awake all night or when I wake up from another nightmare. But most recently I thought about death because I had no reason to live. My wife got blipped, my daughter got blipped, my sister got blipped, Bucky got blipped, Clint was gone, Tony was gone, Steve was gone, everyone was gone.

I was alone.

Alone with my thoughts and pain, my grief and loss and my blade and ballet shoes. 'I have no place in the world'- a sentence burnt deep in my brain, a sentence that played on repeat. Did I ever had a place in this world? Did I ever been good enough? How could Maria even love me? How could she love such a cold blooded killer machine? All I ever did was causing pain. All the people I killed. All the families I destroyed.

So that's what I thought about- death.

And when I was there on that cliff, I knew it, it had to be me, I was the logical play. Finally I could do something good, erasing the red in my ledger, bringing my family back, giving them a place in the world.

So that's what I did, I looked one last time in the eyes of my best friend, the one who saved me a lot of times before, told him it's okay and then I jumped. I can recall the feeling of the adrenaline rushing through my veins. One last breath before I'm meet with complete darkness, utterly, gut wrenching, pitch black darkness.

But then I open my eyes- what the fuck?

No, no, no, no, this can't be happening right now. I expected nothing, like no feelings, memories, body, just like before we were born, just nothing, absolutely nothing. So what the fuck is this? Where am I? This isn't life right? I am dead right?

"Natalia" a voice calls- I freeze. My head snaps around. I can make out a short, slim figure, red hair, brown eyes, she looks so- familiar? "That- that is your name, right?" she asks quietly. My eyes scan her up and down "It's Natasha now actually" I say hesitantly. She smiles. What is this? What is going on?

"Where am I? What the fuck is this?" I ask "Far away"

"What do you mean?"

"This is your afterlife, Natasha" What. "It's way to peaceful. Sure it's mine?" I ask. There is no way that this is right. Even when I thought about something like 'afterlife' I was am sure that I was going straight to hell. Like why would it be so peaceful? I don't deserve peace.

"I'm very sure" she says and steps closer to me. A soft but dry chuckle leaves my mouth "I'm sorry but after all that I've done this for sure isn't my afterlife". "The Red Room wasn't your fault" I stare her blank in the eyes "How do you know about that?" I ask, every emotion left my voice and face. It's like she's looking back at a blank canvas. "I've been watching over you" she says softly, my eyebrows furrow together in confusion "Who are you?" my voice is quiet, scared of the answer. Did she actually watched every step I took? Every life I ended?

She hesitates, I can see it "Natasha, I- I'm your mother"

My breath hitches, I did expect everything but that. "What?" I whisper, I understood every word, I just cannot believe what she's saying. "I'm sorry I couldn't safe you" she says and is now close enough to embrace me in a hug. Normally I hate physical contact with people that I don't know, but she feels different, she feels warm and safe, just like Maria. I can't suppress the tears that well out of my eyes. This can't be true. This isn't real. This is a trap.

"No" I say and try to wiggle out of her grip "This isn't real, you're not real, someone is playing with my mind" but she doesn't let go "Shh, Natasha calm down, no one is playing any games here" "Let me go" I cry, absolutely overwhelmed by this situation, this literally can't be true, I thought about her every day of my life, it was a dream or wish, I don't know, to meet her, to at least know her. This is to good to be true, I don't deserve to know her, I don't get to have dreams or wishes especially ones that come true. "It's okay, Natasha, you're okay, shh" she coos

What if she's here to take me back? Did Dreykov send her? "Don't hurt me, please don't hurt me" I beg, sobs increasing "I'm not gonna hurt you, no one is gonna hurt you ever again, my sweet girl" she whispers, drawing calming patterns on my back and slightly swaying us side to side "I'm so sorry I couldn't safe you"

"No, no, let me go" I sob "I don't wanna go there, just let me die, I can't do that again".

"It's okay, Natasha, you're safe" the woman says. This isn't true, they used to do this all the time. Madame B would dress up as someone we liked, tricked us into thinking we were escaping the Red Room and beat us hours afterwards because we weren't 'loyal' to them. "This is a trap, let go off me"

"Natasha, I am so sorry for what they did to you, but you are dead, this is your afterlife, I am real"

"No, no" I cry, stumbling into her arms anyways

"I am so sorry"

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this is so random😭😭

FIRST DAY OF SUMMER BREAK YESSS