Natasha Romanoff x Reader Oneshots

kiss it off me

more gf Nat cuz why not:)
tw: abuse
word count: 1,5k
————

Y/n's POV

When you watch Natasha for a period of time you'll notice how hyperaware she is of her surroundings. How she scans every room she enters for the quickest entry and exit or how she inspects all the vents in the room with a quick glance just so that she knows if that's a place to go in an emergency.

She can't sit still either, she trained her body to be able to react at every moment. Either she bounces her leg or plays with the hem of her shirt, fidgets with her jewellery or taps rhythms on the table or her leg. She can't sleep because of it sometimes, she just turns and tosses around trying to get comfortable and calm her mind.

There good and bad days, of course, and I'm proud to say that lately there're more good than bad days, but today she seems off. Her eyes snap around the room at even the slightest noise and the rapid jumping of her leg confirms my suspicion.

She watches her hands as they turn the hot coffee mug on the table over and over again. To be honest, she looks hyper aware and barely conscious at the same time.

Natasha's POV

"Eyes ahead!" Madame B screams, her hands on my shoulders, forcing my gaze to focus on the scene in front of me "That's what happens to the weak girls" she muses, walking up and down behind behind me and the other girls who are lined up in the room.

This is all my fault. My fault. My fault.

A door falls shut, making me jump. Keep it together, Natasha. I take a sip of my coffee, the liquid burning down my throat wanting me to grab a cold bucket of water and drown it down behind it.

Y/n sits down next to me, resting her hand on my shaking thigh. "I'm fine" I snarl, knowing what her next question would be- somehow she always knows. "Natasha" she sighs "let me take you back to our room, I know you're not fine, it's okay". "I am fine!" I hiss, if she would just stop talking-

We watch as the cane crashes down on Anastasia's back repeatedly, drawing blood. The red liquid slowly runs down her body, staining the underwear that covers the young body. "Please, please stop" she whimpers quietly "Gag her!" Madame B yells before a cotton sheet is stuffed down the girl's throat- she gags as long slender fingers push it deeper and deeper.

The burning heat from the coffee mug in my hands pulls me out of the memory. Another sip, further burning in my body. God I hate this, why can't I be normal? It was a long time ago, the Red Room is gone, so why does this keep happening? I need to be over it. This is pathetic.

I hear y/n sigh next to me "Please just tell me when it gets too much" the words are spoken quietly, clearly just meant for my ears. I appreciate y/n for that, not everyone in this room needs to know how weak and pathetic I am.

I want to close my eyes, watching a person getting beat up isn't nice. My legs are wobbly, my body weak- I don't know how much longer I can do this. We've been dancing for hours and hours, not one break, now we have to stand, still as a rock, not blinking, barely breathing.

Suddenly I'm on the floor, my eyes grow wide with fear. Ohio didn't make me weak, but I surely lack in performance now. So I am weak, weak, weak, weak. I cry out in surprise as someone pulls me up by the ear "Who said you could break line!?" she screams, I freeze as I put a face to the voice- Madame B, I'd recognise her voice everywhere. "Please, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'll be better, I'm sorry" I beg, I feel hot water running down my cheeks. God, you keep making this worse.

The pain that radiates from my ear as I'm being dragged into the next room is unbearable. "I'll be better, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" I cry, but my prayers fall on dead ears- I didn't expect mercy anyway. "Shut up stupid girl! If you wouldn't be so weak and childish I wouldn't have to do this!" she yells, making me shriek together.

She crashes me down onto the next table, I know the room, it's like a classroom, we're getting taught languages here. My cheek makes contact with the old wood of the desk and she lets go of my ear. "Put your arms on the table!" Madame B tells me and I obey within a second, this is bad enough already, I know how this works now, I've been in this place long enough before Ohio. "Stay like this! You move one muscle and I'll double the punishment!" she yells, so I stay in this position- bend over a desk, the skirt of my leotard rising up, giving Madame B the access to me that she wants, hands flat on the wooden surface, hot tears dripping on it. That's when the first blow hits my bottom. The cane is thin, stinging, even through the fabric of my clothes. The blows are fast, no mercy shown, I deserve this, I deserve this, I deserve this, I was weak, I was weak, I was weak, I am weak. "Why am I doing this?" she growls "Because I... broke l-line" I stutter out, the cane now crashing down on the backside of my thighs "What? Can't even talk properly, stupid girl!"

"I broke the line" I say, this time loud and clear. "That's right, and what makes you that?" Another hit "Weak and stupid, I'm a Widow, I should be strong" Another hit "Did Ohio make you soft, huh?" Another blow "No, ma'am" tears are slipping down my cheeks, my whole body hurts "Where's your home?" "The Red Room, the R-red Room is my home, ma'am" Another hit "And where is your place in the world?" Another blow "I have no place in the world" I sob, it hurts so bad, please make it stop. Another hit

What feels like an eternity later I feel a strong pull on my hair. I stand upright as I'm being turned around to look at Madame B, her ice cold eyes starring me down. "Strip" she tells me before slapping me across the face. "No, please, I'll be good, I'll be good" I beg, I know what's coming now "Am I unclear!? I said strip!" she yells. As fast as my hands can I strip myself of my clothes til I'm left in my panties. She grabs me by the hair and pushes me into the direction of the room- but suddenly I'm pushing her, wait- what's going on?

"-sha! Natasha, stand down!" someone yells. My vision clears, the cold, blue eyes are suddenly brown and she's not even female anymore, the person is male, wait this is Tony, Tony? My hands at his throat, wait wait wait.

Y/n's POV

I watch as Natasha pulls back in shock. Tony stumbles back into the wall. Natasha stares at him, then at her hands, back at Tony and her hands. "Natasha, baby, are you with us?" I ask carefully, coming closer from behind her. She turns around, our eyes locking "Y/n- that's- how-?" she stammers "It's me, you're safe, you're at the Avenger's Tower, you're with SHIELD" I tell her, coaxing her back into reality

She pinches the bridge of her nose "That's not- how did you-"

"It's okay, you're okay, no one got hurt" I say, inching closer and closer until I'm standing right in front of her "It was just a memory, that wasn't real" "It was real to me" she mutters, still confused by her surroundings

"Let me take you to our room, it's okay" I say quietly and stretch out a hand for her to take, she does so but more out of confusion than comfort.

-

"Come on, let's lie down, okay?" I say as we enter the room and stand in front of our bed "But Anastasia- and- and the others, I can't I need to- I need to-" she rambles, her breathing becoming laboured. "Hey Natasha, look at me, take a deep breath" I instruct and she obeys "You're in America, you're with SHIELD". "But Anastasia- she, she-" my eyebrows draw together, she never mentioned an Anastasia before. "Natasha? Look at me" and so she does "Can you tell me five green things in this room?" I ask her, she looks at me like I'm crazy before starting to list five things "That's good, great, can you tell me fours things that you hear?"

After completely pulling her back into reality, we're now lying in bed and I'm holding her head close to my chest. "I don't know why this keeps happening" she mutters "I'm sorry for being weak". "No you're not weak, please stop believing that. And you went through traumatic things in your life, it's okay if that catches up to you, it doesn't make you weak, it makes you human" I say, pressing a kiss to her scalp

" 'm tired" she whispers. "It's okay, go to sleep, I'll be right here when you wake up"

————
I feel like the ending is so rushed lol

first of all, thank you sm for 10k reads on this book<3
second of all, I'm sorry for not updating for so long but I have a major writers block and my mental health is just getting worse and worse again. Also when I had the energy to write I put that into my new book that I will be publishing some time now (maybe😭)