Natasha Romanoff x Reader Oneshots

i need you to stop

tw: self destructive behaviour
word count: 1,2k (blame my hungover for the bad writing)
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Y/n's POV

Today Natasha is supposed to come back from a three week long mission. Clint, her and a team went to China to go after some people who held SHIELD agents hostage.

But Fury had to mess is up.

In the morning I received a call from him in which he send me on a short one-day mission.

Hey Tasha,
I'm sorry I can't be here right now but Fury send me on mission... I'll be back this evening though.
I love you.
Y/n

I wrote on a sheet of paper and placed it on our bed. I tried to get out of this mission because I know how exhausted Nat can be after missions and I miss her so much, I just wanna cuddle my girlfriend the whole day.

But now I'm on my way to the coast for this stupid ass mission.

-

Luckily the mission went well so we're back at the compound as planed. Much to my surprise I'm not met with Nat as we leave the quinjet, instead it's only Clint and Agent Hill there. Weird, I think to myself. She's probably sleeping though.

"Hey" I say as I give Clint a quick hug and Agent Hill a nod to appreciate her presence.

We carry on our way inside and before I can go and leave to Nat's and my room Clint pulls me aside, away from the few people that are crowded in the common area. "You should go check on Nat" he says somewhat calmly "I was just gonna go up to our room" I state, slightly confused.

"Yeah, that's the point- she's not there"

"What do you mean, 'she's not there'?"

"Look," he starts "the mission was a complete fail, after we finally figured out the location of the hostages they were long dead and well- those three weeks were literally for nothing. No one has seen Nat since we've got here, I tried to find her but she's Nat so.. you know"

"Shit" I mumble to myself, inwardly punching myself for thinking she would be asleep. My mind directly wanders of to every possible place where she could be. She hates to fail. "I'll find her" I say before storming of to the most probably place she would be right now- the gym. But not the gym we're always in, that would be too obvious and Clint would've found her in there, no, I go all the way to the lowest level of the compound knowing about this 'abandoned' gym that no one uses.

The moment I approach the door I can already hear grunts and whimpers coming from inside. Guess I found her, I think sarcastically before pushing down the door handle and entering the room. "Jesus Christ, Natasha" is the first thing that leaves my mouth at the view I'm met with. There she is, doing push-ups with a 6kg weight on her back, every possible muscle shaking- she can barely keep herself up.

"Nat" I say, making my presence known.

No reaction.

"Natasha, stop" I instruct walking over to her.

No reaction.

"Natasha it's enough" I say and push the weight off her in a swift motion. "Leave me alone, y/n" she grunts through gritted teeth, reaching for her extra weight again. "Ah ah" I warn as I crouch down next to her. "Get out" she raises her voice "It's enough" I tell her, pulling her slightly upwards so that I can lift her in my lap. "Let go of me" she screams, fighting my grip. Usually she could've bet me in a second, but she's exhausted herself way too much to actually function.

"Shh, it's okay" I mumble holding her closer and tighter because she won't stop fighting me. "Get off" she yells "It's enough Nat" I reply calmly "You have no idea" she all but screams me in the face. "It wasn't your fault, Tasha" I whisper pressing her head on my chest softly "Get off" she screams.

The way she's shaking is actually worrying me shitless, how long has she been doing this for? "Nat, I'm here now" I mumble through her none stop screams to let her go "I'm not letting you go, you're safe".

The more I talk, the more I can see the tears building up in her eyes. "Let it out, I'm right here, honey" I whisper.

"T-They're dead" she croaks out and I feel the first tears drip onto my shirt, she's finally allowing herself to break. "I know, baby" I say, scooping her more in my lap now that she stopped fighting me "but it wasn't your fault". "They're dead" she whispers, her voice breaking and I feel the sobs wrecking through her body.

"You couldn't have saved them, it wasn't your fault" I tell her. She shakes her head in my chest starting to sob uncontrollably. "It was all my fault. I can't do anything right and I hate myself for it" she wails. The way she talks breaks my heart.

"That's not true Natasha, you are a wonderful human being and I love you so much and no matter how long it will take for you to realize that, I will make you realize it. And a thing about humans I know for sure is that they make mistakes, and that's completely okay. Even if you think that this was your fault, which it was not, it's okay, it's okay to make mistakes, even for you Natasha" I say

-

After I calmed her down a little we're now in the bathroom which is connected to our room and I'm about to help her take a shower. Natasha has exhausted herself, she can barely stand up straight. "Hey, careful" I mumble as she steadies herself on the counter she just 'hopped' off of.

I help her in the shower and she leans against the wall, watching me get undress and step in afterwards. "Come here" I whisper, pulling her in a hug and wiping her tears in process.

We just stand under the water for a couple minutes and I let her sob into my shoulder, as much as it breaks my heart it's good for her to let it out.

"I'll clean you up now, yeah?" I ask "I can do that myself" she deadpans, but the ever so slight waver in her voice doesn't go unnoticed by me. Before I can convince her otherwise she picks up the shampoo and spreads it over her hair. Her arms shake, her legs too. "Would you stop being so fucking stubborn for one second so that I can help you" I say and lean her back against the wall. I take her hands in mine, hold them under the water to clean them and press a kiss on them before letting them go. "It's okay to need help, Natasha" I whisper and give her a kiss on the nose too.

I continue to wash her hair and body as she quietly speaks up again "I hate this" she whispers "I know you do"

-

"Close your eyes Natty" I tell her softly "Get some sleep". Her body-weight is completely on me and her arms are wrapped around my torso tightly. I trace random patterns on her back, with my hand under her t-shirt, feeling her relax into my touch. "Sleep well" I whisper one last time and give her a kiss on the head.

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the amount of love I have for cigarettes after sex & lana is unbearable lol

hope you guys are okay, eat and drink something