Hotel Valhalla [Magnus Chase Series]

My Sit Down With Odin

By Snorri Sturluson -
Resident of HV since
1241 CE

As an author, historian, and sometime poet in life, and a thane in good standing in death, I’ve had the privilege of conversing with our deities many times over the last centuries. These chats became the basis of my book, The Prose Edda (available for purchase online and in better bookstores), which
contains highly readable explanations of our most famous “myths” and
insights about our celebrated heroes.
  When Helgi told me he was putting a guide to our worlds in every room of the hotel, I assumed he meant my Edda. But apparently he was looking for something with a more modern flair.
  He asked if I could recommend someone to interview our top-level gods and goddesses. No doubt he thought the task was beneath me, but I welcomed the opportunity for some one-on-one time with the deities.
  Naturally, my first
conversation was with Odin, the All-Father himself. We met not at the High Seat Hlidskjalf as I’d suggested, but in an out-of-the-way, unassuming Midgard café.

[Editor’s Note: Snorri Sturluson has had issues with accuracy in the past. To ensure this is not an issue with this and other interviews recorded in this book, a raven scribe accompanied him to his meetings. The transcripts therefore include impartial observations as well as the conversations
themselves.]

SNORRI STURLUSON: Thank you, my lord, for agreeing to talk with me. I’m certain readers will be extremely interested in whatever you say.

ODIN: Probably.

SS: May I ask my first question?

O: You just did.

SS [laughing delightedly]: Oh, you got me that time! Wise and witty, all in one package! But now to the question. Odin, tell us, in your own words… what was it like when you lost your eye?

O [cheerfully]: I didn’t lose it, Snorri. I gouged it out with my own
fingers.

SS [looking green]: In…deed. And, erm, what was that like?

O: Not fun. But I got something worthwhile in exchange for it.

SS: And that was?

O: This cool eye patch.

SS: Ah. Nothing else?

O: Oh, I got a sip of water from the well of knowledge at Yggdrasil’s
roots, too. Mimir, the severed head, gave it to me himself.

SS [grandly]: And that was the first heroic step on your everlasting quest
for wisdom!

O: Sure. [Scratches his beard thoughtfully.] Makes you wonder, though,
doesn’t it?

SS [leaning forward]: Wonder what, Lord Odin?

O: What Mimir did with my eye. [Shrugs.]

SS: A mystery that may never be solved. Speaking of mysteries, you once
hanged yourself to gain wisdom. We’re all dying to know—

O: “Dying to know”! Good one, Snorri!

SS: What? Oh. Yes, I see. So, can you tell us the story behind your
hanging yourself for nine days to unlock the secret of runes?

O: Of course. [Pause.] I hanged myself for nine days to unlock the secret
of runes.

SS: Yes, but why did you hang yourself?

O: To unlock the secret of runes.

SS: Er, yes. Fascinating.

O: But all that is ancient history, Snorri, as is the tale about how I stole and drank a vat of mead made from god spittle to become a poet.

SS [looking green]: God spittle.

O: Well, technically, the mead was made with honey and…well, let’s call it a secret ingredient.* [Winks.]

SS: Sounds delicious.

O: It was nauseating. I spat some out while soaring above Midgard. Drops of it are still down there. A few humans accidentally swallow it now and again. Those who do become world-renowned poets and scholars.
[Cups hands and shouts toward Midgard.] Shakespeare, Longfellow, Silverstein— you’re welcome!

SS: World-renowned poets and scholars, eh? [Chuckles in a self-
deprecating manner.] You must think I had a taste of it myself!

O: That possibility has never once crossed my mind.

SS: Ah. Well. Ancient history, as you say. Perhaps you’d like to tell us about your latest quests for wisdom and knowledge instead?

O: I’d like to tell you many things, Snorri. But to answer your question:
I’ve started a spoken-word poetry group with some of my einherjar. Performances every Thor’s Day night in the Feast Hall of the Slain, with light Saehrimnir refreshments to follow. The Norns are scheduled to make a guest
appearance soon, which should prove interesting. Also, I’m taking Zumba classes to understand why in My Name they’re so popular. Finally, I’m researching the magical symbol known in Midgard as hashtag
[taps first two fingers
of right hand against the first two fingers of left hand]
From what I’ve gleaned, when combined with other words, hashtag has the power to distract the mind from more important matters. If I’m right, I’ll make hashtag the subject of my next book. The working title is…wait for it…Hashtag.

SS: An inspired choice, Lord Odin.

O: Yes, I know.

Sadly, our interview came to an abrupt conclusion at this point. Odin was
called away on a matter of great Aesir importance. He couldn’t reveal the nature of the emergency, but I’m quite certain I heard the words hammer and missing.