Hotel Valhalla [Magnus Chase Series]

Greetings From Ginnungagap

         By Ymir

  Hunding stole my story. I won’t go to pieces over that. (Ha! Ba-boom,shish! Gods, I love a good punch line. Too bad that wasn’t one! Ha!)
  Instead, I’ll tell you about the cow, Audhumbla. She was in the Gap with
me. And she was big. (How big was she?) That cow was so big, when she sat
around the Gap, she really sat around the Gap!

  Seriously, though, Audhumbla the cow kept me alive right up to the
moment Odin and his brothers killed me.
  Why they didn’t go for the cow, I’ll never know. Udderly ridiculous, am I right? (Ha!)
  I would have paid Odin to kill that cow, actually. Why?
  While I was alive, she started in on this big salt lick.
  Show of hands: Who here has ever listened to an enormous bovine with a really wet tongue lick something for months?

No one?

  Consider yourselves lucky. Lick, lick, lick, lick, day and night, night and day. It sounded as if someone was mixing up a tub of tuna and mayo right by my ear.
  Drove me nuts until I was like, Kill me now!Turns out the licking did kill me.
  After…I don’t know, forever, the cow’s tongue uncovered a god hidden in the salt.
  This god, Buri, had a son named Borr.
  Borr married my granddaughter Bestla—that’s right, I had kids and grandkids, none of your business how—and Bestla and Borr had Odin, Vili, and Ve, who…well, you know the rest.
  Chop, chop, slice and dice, so long, Ymir.
  The joke’s on them, though, isn’t it? Because my side of the family, the giants—they’re going to have the last laugh when they lick the gods in the battle to end all battles.