Hotel Valhalla [Magnus Chase Series]

The Interview I Didn't Want To Do

  By Snorri Sturluson

  I want it on record that I never intended to go anywhere near the Island of Lyngvi, and I certainly had no interest in talking to the beast that’s trapped there.
  I didn’t realize that’s where Hotel Valhalla’s fold-out boat had dropped me until it was too late.
  So if the following transcript of our conversation seems a little unprofessional at times, keep in mind that I was wholly unprepared.

SNORRI STURLUSON: Wait a minute. This isn’t Norumbega.

FENRIS WOLF: Hello, Snorri.

SS [runs around in circles, screaming]: Where’s the boat? Where’s the boat?

FW: Nice of you to drop by.

SS [falls to knees]: Gods help me! Someone get me out of here!

FW: We never talk anymore. How’ve you been?

SS [covers head with arms and moans]: Leave me alone. I have nothing to
say to you.

FW: That hurts me, Snorri. It really does. Here I’m thinking, wow, a thane has come to see me. Not even the gods do that. He must be more courageous than they are.

[Editor’s Note: At this point, the raven records that Snorri stopped moaning and started tuning in to what Fenris Wolf was saying.]
 
  But you’re just like the rest of them. [Hunches shoulders and hangs head.] Aw, why do I even bother.

SS: I—I’m sorry. It’s just, well, I was tricked into coming here.

FW [gestures at Gleipnir with snout]: Just as I was. We’re a lot alike, you and I.
SS: Except I’m a human and you’re a wolf.

FW: Technicalities. We’re alike where it counts. In here. [Restraint
interferes with attempt to tap chest.] Darn this rope. It ruined a special moment for us.

SS [shuffles closer to FW]: It looks like a nuisance. Is it really tight?

FW: Not as bad as it used to be, but it does get in the way. What can I do,
though? No one is brave enough to come near me and untie it.

SS [moves closer still]: I’m brave. You said so yourself.

FW [widens eyes]: You’re right! Guess that makes you brave and smart.
But I bet you hear that all the time back in Valhalla.

SS: Oh, not as much as you’d think.

FW: Go on. Good-looking thane like you? Those Valkyries probably flit
about you like bees around honey.

SS [blushes]: No. Well. Maybe a few.

FW: I knew it! And I know something that would really impress them.
You could…nah, you wouldn’t do it. Never mind.

SS: What? What were you going to say?

FW: No, it’s too much to ask. Forget it.

SS: Seriously, tell me. I insist.

FW: Well, if you insist. I was just thinking, you being such a smart, brave, good-looking thane, if anybody could figure out how to untie this old rope, it’d be you.

SS: Oh. Um, gee, I don’t know if I should. I mean, the gods bound you in it for a good reason. Didn’t they?

FW: Oh, sure, sure. Assuming being true to myself was a good reason, that is. Was it my fault that I was a boisterous pup who liked to wrestle and play tug-of-war, or that I grew up to be a strong, fierce fighter?
  You’d think those
traits would be appreciated in Asgard, not punished.

SS: Is that why you’re here? I could have sworn-

FW [turns his back]: Listen, just forget I asked, all right? I took you for a guy who stood for decency and fairness. I read you wrong. My mistake.

SS: But—

FW: I thought we had something in common, seeing as how you were
hoodwinked into coming here by the gods just like I was. Again, my mistake.

SS: Well, maybe I could just loosen one knot.

FW: I don’t even want you to do it now.

SS [stands]: That’s too bad, mister, because I’m going to!

FW: Seriously, don’t come near me.

SS: You can’t stop me!

FW: I’m warning you, you come one step closer and I won’t be held
responsible for my actions!

SS: Get ready to do your worst, then, because here I come!

[Editor’s Note: At this point, the raven stopped recording the conversation. The following is its report of what happened next.]

RAVEN: The thane had clearly fallen under the wolf’s spell. A few more
steps and he would have fallen into the wolf’s jaws or, worse, succeeded in untying Gleipnir and freeing the beast. I prevented this by giving the thane a severe pecking, which broke the spell.

[The transcript picks up again here.]

SS [runs around screaming]: AAAAAAHHHH! Stop pecking me!
[Pauses and looks around] Wait a minute…
AAAAAHHHH! Get me out of here!
[Runs screaming onto fold-out boat, which has miraculously reappeared.]