My Diary of Sweet Nothings

She made me breathe

            Because every sixteen year old's story is not as same as Juno's....

      Mine didnot start with a a recliner in the backyard or with a packet of red tic-tacs. Hell! I don't even know where it started. I was caught off-guard. It was more like I was drugged and pulled into a deep pit. Dark pit. It felt like I wanted to be pulled yet at the same time it felt wrong and I didnot want it. It was more like I needed it but didnot want it exactly.  It was something that I want to forget but its like it marked me in a grave way. 

     It was a beautiful 4 o' clock and I was coming back home. The world looked extra beautiful that day. The leaves in the trees were lush green and  the stone road infront of me was wet with the little drizzle of the rain. I sang my favorite song as I walked ahead. Nick hates this song, he says its too depresing for a girl like me. Well I like it and so I sing it...

    ......Harness your heart, and be still now

         Quiet that mind that will wander

         All sorts of dark alleys......

    I reached home at 5. I was pretty excited after all it was my first senior party that I was invited to that evening. I kissed my dad in the cheek and made my way upstairs. I knew I had to look good for today. I picked out the best dress in the closet and after two hours of trying-to-look-good I finally did. The red dress complemented my strawberry blond hair. It was a good day, a good evening. But what happened?

    ......Tragedy strikes your self-esteem

         Constantly waiting for an ending

         To all of this......

    It was almost 10 and I was completely drunk. So much that I didnot recognize my own shoes. I stumbled and sat on the stool near the bar and I saw Henry. It was crazy what happened. It was for a minute that I saw his sweet face and then I drank. He gave me shots after shots and I kept drinking because I liked Henry and I wanted him to like me. So, I drank. After that all I could see was darkness. I could feel my dress being un-zipped but I was too high to do anything. But I don't think I wanted to do anything. And thats when everything happened. I could feel everything. But was too weak to speak up or maybe I didn't want to.

       I should have gone home. I shouldn't have stayed there. I knew I should have gone home. But I didn't. I stayed there because I thought nothing bad could happen to me. I know it was stupid. But I did it anyway. I woke marooned lying in a bed with just plain sheets and I looked up to see Henry buttoning his shirt. I knew what happened. It was a morning and the night just flowed by.

"What did you do?" I whispered holding on to the sheets. When he didnot reply I screamed. But he didn't seem to care.

"I didnot do anything ...we did. So, shut up.. wear your clothes and GO HOME!" he said almost with no emotion. 

     I sat there I was too tired, too gone. There was simply nothing in me left. But I got up anyway and after putting my clothes on I went home.

   Home was silent. Mom and Dad were still asleep. I changed into my clothes and pretended like nothing ever happened. Because I was sure my life was perfect and nothing could ruin it, nothing. But the days following proved me wrong. I was pushed and thrown out of my perfect world and somehow I ended up here in Nick's porch. 

    ......She opens her eyes

         Suddenly she cries

         Can we help her?

         Can we help her?

        And she replies......

 Nick is like a brother,  friend,  boyfriend, father. He is everything. He took me and my unborn baby in. He didn't have to do anything for me. He was just a nineteen year old kid and as screewed up as I was, maybe more. He took me in when my parents didnot want anything to do with me just because I wanted to keep the baby. He took me in when I was close to dying. I knew I was trouble but somehow I could see that he saw me as an angel. That gave me all the courage that I needed. Months passed by and I gave birth to a bautiful baby girl. We named her 'Hope'. Because thats what she gave us a hope to a new begining. A hope that the future will gleam. Because before her I smiled but that smile was painted on my face. Because before her I breathed but that was just me pretending.

    ........You know

            I fake it oh so well

          That God Himself can't tell

          What I mean and why my words are

          Less than parallel with my feet

         You ask me what I need

         And all I really need

        Is to breathe.......

   Now, I can smile and I can breathe. Because now my baby girl has grown to be a beautiful woman. 

___________________________________________  

Hey!!! 

     So, I hope you liked this shot. Put down your thoughts in the comment box and vote please!

Thanks, 

Much love, 

Bharbi xXx