My Diary of Sweet Nothings

Unsaid mistakes

 Dedicating this chapter to @thekingde0m Thank you so much for the awesome cover. :)

_______________________________________________________________

        I think I was cursed. I don't know. I don't know if I really was cursed or was it just a feeling. Either ways I was cursed in a deeper sense. I was tired of blowing out candles. Spending nights under thin sheets with someone with a pretty face. I think I knew that pretty face in more of a superficial way than anything else. The thing is I couldn't say no, not once not ever and so I stayed every night without any kind of objection. 

     ...That boy, take me away, into the night

        Out of the hum of the street lights and into a forest

        I'll do whatever you say to me in the dark

      Scared I'll be torn apart by a wolf in mask of a familiar name on a birthday card...

    At first we talked and sometimes we laughed. But the seasons changed and laughter went its separate way. The next time we made small talks about the weather and our families, we complained about wages and I wanted to say no when he told me to blow the candle. But I didn't and so we did it that night again and we kept the small talk on. 

    ...Blow out all the candles, blow out all the candles

     "You're too old to be so shy," he says to me so I stay the night

      Just a young heart confusing my mind, but we're both in silence

     Wide-eyed, both in silence

     Wide-eyed, like we're in a crime scene... 

   In the winters we didn't even have small talks. Somewhere between the cold our words had turned into ice without us knowing it. But he did ask me to blow the candle and so I did without any kind of objection. Were we in a relationship? I don't know. We never really talked. A stressful day was all that we needed to disappear under the thin sheets. 

    ...Well I have brittle bones it seems

       I bite my tongue and torch my dreams

      Have a little voice to speak with

      And a mind of thoughts and secrecy...  

    Slowly, I didn't really need to close my eyes to kiss him and neither did my heart beat abnormally when he laid beside me. Was he using me? Was I using him? It was more of a mutual thing. I think his eyes were open as well but he pretended to close them just for the sake of my integrity. I think he was above me in that way. Since I kept my eyes open and didn't bother about his. 

     ...Cause we both know I'll never be your lover

        I only bring the heat

       Company under cover

       Filling space in your sheets

      Well I'll never be a lover

      I only bring the heat

     Company under cover

    Filling space in your sheets, in your sheets... 

     I think we both knew we weren't meant to be. But we did it anyway. We were too much of a coward to admit that we couldn't work it out. Too much of a failure to admit anything. But its over now. Gone. And now I am happy I think, because all the late night candles have disappeared and without a head next to me I can sleep better. Maybe someday there will be another guy and maybe this time we would have more things to talk about and less candles to blow.

    ...So, please just blow out all the candles, blow out all the candles

      "You're too old to be so shy," he says to me so I stay the night

      It's just a young heart confusing my mind, but we're both in silence

     Wide-eyed, both in silence

     Wide-eyed, like we're in a crime scene...