Burning Heart // CL16

Thirty Six

"Oh my god, she gets more beautiful everyday," Carlos says with a smile and I grin back at him as I try and angle my phone slightly so that he can see her better but it isn't very easy given the way that she is lying on me. "Merry Christmas, Lacey," he says to me this time and I watch as he closes the door behind him, working hard to keep our conversation private from the rest of his family.

"Merry Christmas Carlos," I say with a soft smile back, my heart still hammering slightly as I think over my words and request. God, I must be insane.

"Had a good day? Must have tired her out?" He asks and I just nod as I have a moment to second guess myself. A moment of anxiety and doubt. "Lacey... I'm assuming you didn't call me just to not say anything?"

"Right, no of course, yeah, good day. Dramatic actually? Good I think, honestly I'm not quite sure everything is really confusing and-"

"Lacey, breathe," he urges, cutting me off and I do as he says, smiling fondly at him as I notice he's wearing some sort of hand made Christmas jumper, a collard shirt poking up and around his shirt. "When am I getting to see you two again? I haven't been around my Goddaughter nearly enough... is that what this is? You're telling me I'm not her Godfather - please, no Lacey, I'll be better. I'll be around more I promise, I-"

"Carlos, breathe," I tell him with a smirk as I cut him off, watching his wide eyes return to normal as he stops his rant and I giggle at him. "Of course you're her Godfather... I know you'd see us more, it's just a little difficult given we're in Scotland so don't stress," I continue and watch as he actually calms down, settling in a chair as he fiddles with something on the desk. "I, er... hmm, to be honest I don't know how to say this... but I think... I think I need your help to get Charles to meet me..." I say the words slowly, overthinking each one as I watch his eyes widen in disbelief and we just sit in silence looking at each other through our phones.

"I'm sorry, what?" He asks with a chuckle, one eyebrow raised almost comically and I can tell that he genuinely doesn't believe the words out of my mouth but when I stay silent and just look back at him, one hand running up and down Ruby's back to comfort her. To comfort myself as I casually lean down to press reassuring kisses to her head, reassuring for me more than her though. "Wait... you mean it?"

"Yup... there's... well, there's not a story coming out but it's starting. Well it might be, I don't know for sure but yeah. It might be. A photo of me and Ruby and I'm going to try to kill it but stuff like this... the rumours only grow and it's only a matter of time until there's another photograph or story and I don't want him to find out from a news article. I would rather be the one to tell him... that way we can get on the same page and just leave it in the past," I try to explain and I watch as his face gets more serious with every passing moment, the lines between his eyebrows increasing as he looks around the room he is in as though checking he's in reality.

I do the same. I look around Ruby's room, a nursery of white with red and yellow accents, minimal blue. It's not exactly my colour either. In the corner there's even a toy Ferrari - a gift from Carlos when she turned six months old. Was this a bad idea... was I making a mistake? I really needed to sleep on this, I was sleep deprived because she'd had a cold last week and kept on coughing through the night, causing me intense anxiety as I tried to get her to sleep in her own room away from me. I think I missed her more than she missed me though.

"Is this a bad idea?" I ask the thoughts outloud and watch as his eyes meet mine.

"No, no, no, it's a good idea... I think it's good," he reinforces, eyes widening as he tries to reassure me and I wince as I let the doubts creep back in.

"H-he won't try and take her from me right?" I ask him quietly and hear him gasp as my eyes look away from my phone and back down to Ruby, looking perfect in her red dress. I had so many photos and videos from today as she opened presents. Her first Christmas.