Burning Heart // CL16

Sixty Six

"Don't be weird," I tell Kiraz as she sits on my bed in my room while I stand in a towel in the doorway of my closet. My hair is prepped, my make up is done and I am now at the hardest part of getting ready, finding clothes I like. However, Kiraz clearly doesn't hear what I say as she grins at me like I'm crazy, wiggling her eyebrows at me in the mirror as I hold a skirt up to inspect it before throwing it over her in an attempt to block her chaotic smile. "I hate everything I own," I declare in frustration, groaning as I try in earnest to try not to mess up any of the work I've put in so far by pulling my hands over my face in frustration. But that's okay because soon my hands will be busy strangling Kiraz as she pulls the skirt off her head and looks at me again.

"Why does it matter? It's just Charles..." she says with a grin, repeating words I'd told her so many times in the last twenty-four hours while I shoot her daggers. She puts her hands up in faux surrender, something that should be an apology but is really just a mockery of my nerves and the amount my mind has run through disaster scenarios in the last twenty four hours.

"It's a ridiculous 'feeling better about myself' charade that he's assisting me in entertaining because of your weird, perverted and strange mind! So it doesn't matter, I just happen to hate everything I own and I'm going out in public... it's a coincidence that Charles is there," I hiss at her as I walk back into the wardrobe. I still hated every item of clothing but I'd rather avoid Kiraz than the issue of my awful closet. She was right though, I was weirdly nervous despite the evaluation of the situation I just gave her. I had begun regretting the agreement almost the moment it was made and that was only amplified when Kiraz walked back in the cafe a couple of minutes later and we told her the plan. She was on board immediately and had somehow managed to get everything organised despite this being the next day. Charles and I had agreed to just get this over and done with as soon as possible.

"So why are you so nervous then?" She calls out and I don't dignify her with a response until she walks into the closet and pulls me back out despite my feeble attempts to fight her off. "Just go sit down and agree to put on whatever I pick out?" She suggests and I wince as I look at her with a great amount of uncertainty, both her hands on my shoulders as she walks me backwards out of the way of what she was trying to do.

"You're going to make it slutty..." I whine as I sit where she directed me.

"I'm going to make you feel as hot as you are!" She tells me and I groan as she hits my hand away from my face as I'm about to mess up my makeup again. "Stop it! That's the point of this whole 'charade' isn't it..." she tries to use my words against me but she just produces a glare from me but no more words.

"I'll look awful, I'm going to look like some kind of clown trying to be someone hot and it's going to be embarrassing and cringeworthy beyond imagination," I whine as she disappears back into the closet, my very real insecurities finally bubbling their way to the surface and escaping me.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't just hear any of that because you are absolutely insane - finish your hair!" She calls out as I sit down in front of my mirror and take the pinned curlers out of my hair to let the perfect bouncy curls fall down my back before I look at my reflection. I looked strange, I felt strange... but it wasn't a bad feeling.

For the first time since I quit social media, my nails were manicured, my eyebrows and eyelashes and my makeup were done. I tried to make it largely natural and glowing but Kiraz had forced me to do a cat eye with my eyeliner and actually put lipstick and eyeshadow on which ruined that affect just a little. Fortunately the spa day Charles and Kiraz had forced me to have this morning meant that my skin was glowing and the brow tint and simple eyelash extensions meant that I was feeling a little more like my old self as I looked in the mirror. I just didn't feel comfortable with this idea even as I brushed my hair out into perfect blowout waves.