Burning Heart // CL16

Eighty Eight

"It was a tough race for you... or weekend really. What will you take away from it?" The interviewer asks Charles after the Mexico race, the words an understatement of Charles's weekend. It had been more than a little tough, something I knew as I sat watching the TV from a hospital room halfway across the world from where I should be. The remote gripped in my hand as my heart ached a little for him. Losing the championship lead with just a few races left to go is one thing but losing it to Lewis right as they're about to head to his strongest track in Brazil? Well, that sucked more than a little.

"Yes it was not a great weekend for me and the team. I am disappointed we could not make more happen or get a better result but Lewis had a lot of pace with their upgrades and we just couldn't find the right window to be a proper challenge. He really fought around the circuit and he drove incredibly... so congratulations to him. A formidable opponent and a worthy winner today," Charles says, eyes sad as he fiddles with his bracelets before checking his watch, the action bringing my eyes to the familiar new accessory. He didn't normally wear it on a race weekend but as I was sat watching this on a tv instead of in his driver room, he felt that it was needed to feel closer. I hoped anyway because I could understand that. I'd almost constantly been fiddling with the key around my neck since I arrived.

"Fans have noticed you were missing your usual support system? Did that affect you this weekend? Make things a little harder?" The interviewer pushes and I can see Charles intake breath at the same time as I do, the subtext of the question obvious because we both knew that the media was wild about the fact that I'd been photographed leaving this weekend early. Neither of us had said anything about it as we organised a flight for me back to the UK but we'd spoken when we could since then, both trying to make time for each other as we went along with the evolving situation. Social media in particular was on fire - especially as it had been a poor weekend for Ferrari - P6 for Charles despite his best efforts.

My personal DMs had taken a battering as had my mentions since I left, a few days before the race weekend began. Ferrari fans were furious with me as I had 'let Charles down' by not being there for him. Not helping him to focus as I was away for an undisclosed reason. I can see on Charles's face that he is as displeased as I am with the question but he answers nonetheless, jaw clenched enough to let a blind person know he wasn't happy with the suggestion behind those words.

It's not the poor interviewers fault though, it was social media speculation that meant the question was there to be asked, rumours of something going wrong between us were ripe. All the headlines seemed to be that we'd had a huge fight and our home situation had broken down to the point where I was left with no option but to leave and ruined Charles's racing ability at the same time.

Little did they know how wrong they all were, something Charles soon iterated himself with his answer - not one that had been discussed by us before though.

"Yeah, my girlfriend was meant to be here but she had to go home because of a family emergency. It was a pretty dramatic weekend and I'm disappointed I couldn't be there for her because I was here. However, I think even if things were different there was unfortunately nothing to be done differently on either front. Mercedes were too fast and we were too slow, it is that simple. We will learn from this before the next race. I want to try and wrap this up now though because there are more important things to take up my time now ahead of Brazil so goodbye," he replies curtly before walking away from the interviewer leaving him and a startled Ferrari media person in his wake.

I find myself both cringing at his response as well as smiling, the casual label sounding better to me than I ever thought it would. It wasn't so scary after all. It was actually kind of nice and I don't even have to look to my left to see the smirk of my mum as I had forced the race and all it's coverage on in her hospital room. She hadn't objected, instead she had cuddled up to Ruby as we watched the race and the extended coverage that followed it all together. All of us equally desperate to get a glimpse of Charles.