When Did I Go Wrong?

Chapter 5

Keith never thought his life would turn up like this. Having sex with his best friend and now possibly ending up pregnant, scared the absolute shit out of him. He already knew nothing would be the same, and that was the one thing he wanted to avoid.

He loved Lance. He knew he had for a long time, but he never had the courage to admit it to himself. He thought about it a lot, and god was it painful. He didn't want to lose his best friend because of the feelings he couldn't control.. but it was too late now.

It hurt more than he could imagine when he saw Lance less and less.. mostly because of classes, and their part time jobs. The thing that hurt worse was that Lance went on a ton of dates. He knew he should be happy for him, and he tried his hardest to be.. but jealousy was a feeling Keith hated he had. 

Maybe that's what led to him admitting his feelings for Lance to himself. He really hadn't talked to Shiro about it, but when he had called him after Lance left, he didn't seem all that surprised. It made him think about how obvious he was being, or maybe he was just less cautious around his brother. He didn't see him that often anymore anyways.

Whether he wanted to continue on this path of denial of normalcy or not, he didn't know. He never wanted things to change between him and Lance, that's why he never said anything in the first place.

Now though, they were mated. They had shared an intimate time together during Keith's heat. Even if Keith wanted to forget about it, he couldn't. This was the most intimate thing he could've done with anyone. It didn't help that he was a virgin and he lost his virginity in heat. It just had to be Lance who had done it with him.

If he was honest with himself, he didn't know if that was better, or worse. He couldn't be in denial to his feelings forever, but what else could he do? He knew Lance didn't like him. At least, not how Keith liked Lance. It was a painful process. A cycle that never ended. All he wanted was for it to just stop.

Obviously, life had other plans.

Don't get him wrong, Keith was happy about having his first time with Lance. Although he only remembered bits and pieces, it was everything he had wanted for his first heat. He was lucky enough to share it with his best friend, the person he trusted the most in this cruel world.

That didn't mean that Keith was completely ecstatic about losing his virginity- and first heat cycle with someone else- to Lance. He was just scared. He had always been scared when it came to feelings. 

He had always been ill-tempered and got frustrated easily. He was unpredictable, even to himself. That's what scared him. When new feelings rose to the surface, he didn't know how to deal with them. He never had.

Now was as terrifying as ever.

After he had taken his pill, he sat there for a few moments in silence. His thoughts were rampaging, it felt like they were never ending.

Lance was quiet too, this was new for both of them. Keith had always assumed the worst, and Lance was quite the opposite. Lance soon spoke first, breaking Keith out of his head. "You should head back to sleep."

Keith stayed quiet for a moment, then let out a shaky sigh and nodded, scooting back to the headboard. He slipped back under the covers and rolled to his side, staring at the wall. It felt too quiet.

Lance was never this quiet, he was always talking. It gave Keith an unsettling feeling in his chest and his eyes started to fill with tears. 

It was way too quiet.

The uneasiness seemed to fill the room. The earlier scent of sex that had filled the room dissipated into worry and anxiety. It was even more suffocating than the smell of sex.