Nadir ◈ Seungjin

40 ◈ The Stars Are Already There

Once, in my last year, Minho came to visit after graduating the academy. I can't remember why, it was years ago. I think he had come to visit Jeongin, a celebration or something of the type, maybe a theater performance the academy was hosting that Felix and Jeongin were roped into. But he came for Jeongin. He always did. In the midst of it, while I was trying to avoid the crowd in the dorm rooms, Minho had slipped away and found me to sit on the rooftop. Some dumb excuse about wanting to see the sunset from the rooftops while he had the opportunity to.

The evening breeze rattled the canopy of the few trees encircling the school grounds beneath us.

Their velvet vetiver trembled with the ushered silence, the best which coddled the delicate leaves snapped melodically against their company.

The lush grass closing in to the center stage brushed paint on the pitch black canvas.

Their breaths, gentle exhales from unsure lungs questioning the strength of their own chosen path and purpose, collided with one another's harmonics to lace like fingers netting together.

The grasshoppers concealing themselves in the underbrush happily chirped to the chiming rhythm.

There were no cars, no traffic, no motorbikes, no unneeded lights blinding their eyes, no problems, no worries, no arguing, no fighting.

Only the timid sounds of the proud nightfall. And our own insecurities, hiding with the words bitten back on our tongues.

I remember leaning back, propping my arms behind me as we watched the coming evening. It's flickers on the horizon. I remember the faint scent of sea breeze, and the concrete in my palms. At the time, I told him, "I don't think I can ever trust again."

"That sounds edgy," He laughed at me. Bumping our shoulders together, and I flinched back. I flinched away from the connection. Now, I wish I didn't. I wish I didn't react like that to him. I wish I didn't have to be afraid of him back then. But, Minho shrugged it off anyway, and soothed, "You will. People are good. They're meant to be good, we're meant to be good. Not monsters. There's bad, yeah, but. They're two side of the same coin. They're two parts of the whole world. We wouldn't have one without the other. There are good people, beautiful people out there. That way, they balance out the bad."

I had seethed back to him, "That's bullshit. You know it is."

"Maybe. But did you really think the night could last forever?"

"What do you mean?"

"The day ends. The night comes. The night ends. They day comes. Light. Then dark. Then light. Then dark." His eyes seemed to glaze. An invisible coating, dazzling for a second too brief to think long about. Their newfound coating smothering his sight reflected in the few lights brightening the dark with memories; The recalling beams of light, shining down on his youth dancing around his ankles, on our forms now grown, their shadows moving on the concrete sidewalks as they followed the carved paths set for their trudging steps, the remembrance of the people who we were, who we loved, their laughter, their smiles, once gleaming, the jokes, they always laughed. He murmured to me, his words barely peaking over the breeze which stung my nose, "The daytime isn't forever. But neither is the night. Eventually it... that darkness ends."

He learned closer to me, whispering as he grinned.

"And, if you look close enough, you can see there isn't ever a complete darkness. See?"