Lisa
When we finally make it to her old house, I'm almost positive that she's fallen asleep on my back. I carry her upstairs and gently lay her in bed, while brushing some strands of hair out of her face. Her baby blue eyes open and she looks at me tenderly.
She reaches for my hand, pressing the back of it to her cheek. "Stay." she whispers.
I close my eyes, while shaking my head. "I can't do that, Nini."
A small pout forms on her lips.
I don't know if it's the whisky or my curiosity eating me alive, but before I can stop myself, the words come tumbling out of my mouth. "Why him?"
Nini's brows pinch together in confusion. "Huh?"
I swallow thickly. No going back now. "Why Taehyung?"
I hear her breath catch and she sits up a bit, looking at me. The vulnerability in her eyes is too much that I have to look away.
"He's stable." she finally whispers.
"And I wasn't!?" I argue back.
"You were going off to join the Marines!" she cries, while flinging off the covers and getting out of bed.
"So!"
"So!? Lisa, I had no clue if you were going to come back alive or not! And I..." She stops herself, while taking in a sharp breath, with tears pooling in her eyes.
"You what, Nini!?" I press.
"I... I couldn't lose you too!" she cries. "Not like that. I couldn't marry you, knowing that there was a chance I'd lose you forever. My dad almost died in service, who is to say that it wouldn't happen to you too. It practically did!"
My heart sinks to my stomach.
"My biggest fear was losing you and I almost did! Do you know the pain I felt when I heard of the news that you were severely injured? My heart stopped in my chest, and watching you lay in that hospital bed, clinging on to your dear life..."
"You were there..." I whisper in disbelief.
When they shipped me back to the U.S., I was stable, but I spent a good week in the hospital before I could go home. Some complications arose when I came back and they ended up having to do emergency surgery on me to keep me alive.
I had blurry visions of Nini's face every now and then, and that's all that I thought they were, visions that were induced by wishful thinking or the pain meds. But she was really there.
"After losing mama..." she continues tearfully, "... I couldn't go through that pain again. Not with you." An uncontrollable sob racks out of her chest, breaking my heart into a million pieces.
"Oh, Nini." I take two long strides, while I wrap my arms around her tightly, pressing my cheek to the top of her head as her body shakes with sobs.
"I can't lose any more people!" she cries. "After nearly losing my dad and losing my mum, I couldn't lose you too. Not you, Lisa. I know it sounds silly, but I guess I had to let you go on my own terms before I had the chance to lose you all together to ease some of the pain."
"Nini, I told you that I wouldn't go. Why wouldn't you just talk to me about what was in your head instead of shutting me out completely?"
"Because I knew that you'd end up resenting me for not letting you go!"
"No, Nini. No. I would never resent you." I tell her honestly. "I never thought of it that way..."
God, why hadn't I realised it sooner? She was scared, which is normal, but I didn't know just how much me running away, straight into danger, would mess with her mentally and emotionally. She'd already lost so much.
"I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry." I whisper into her hair. "I'm here." I reassure her. "I'm here."
"I thought I lost you, Lisa. I can't lose you." she cries into my chest.
I pull back, while softly cupping her face in my hands, using my thumbs to brush away some of her tears. "I'm here. Right here." I whisper, resting my forehead against hers.
"Even though I let you go, I never stopped loving you, Lisa." she whispers, seizing my breath. "Never."
Without warning, she stands on her tippy toes, while planting her lips on mine. I instantly give in, with my moral resolve long gone out the window as I taste the salt on her lips from her tears. Like a hard core junkie getting their fix, I devour her, kissing her back with such an urgency.
She takes a step back, with the back of her knees hitting the bed, and she tumbles backwards, dragging me down with her.
Impatiently, we both begin tugging at each other's clothes, pulling them off. When Nini removes my shirt, she stares at the large scar on my abdomen where they had to open me up to stop the internal bleeding. I was banged up pretty bad when that bomb exploded and it had sent me flying back, causing me to break some ribs and other bones.
"Hey, look at me." I softly urge her, nudging my nose against hers to gain the attention of those blue eyes. "I'm right here." I promise before sealing my lips to hers.
In no time, the only things adorning our bodies are my dog tags and Nini's engagement ring. My dog tags hang down just between her breasts as the cold metal of her engagement ring burns into the skin of my back where her hand rests, reminding me just how wrong this is, but somehow it feels so right.
